HUMOUR FROM THE BACK BLOCKS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2674, 14 June 1905, Page 75

HUMOUR FROM THE BACK BLOCKS.

(By CoEJfISH.) Paper lead at a recent meeting of the Dunedin Literary and Debating Club.

Dear Comrades, — In choosing a subject for my essay, I am co doubt straying off" the beaten path of essay writing; but believing variety to be the spice of existence, originality ar most times acceptable, I have turned my attention to a new sphere — namely, "Humour." The party who was the authoi- of these quips is now defunct, and the locality to which lie belonged suffered a loss which will never be leplsiced. The departed wit, whom we will call Tim Hagan. was an illiterate man. unable to read or write, arid from his ignorance hi"? wit really originated. When fkst I made his acquaintance it avpo during a.i exceptionally severe winter, and on complaining to him of the lengthy period of frost, he, with an air of imparting- intelligence, informed me with due solemnity that in the early days he had seen six weeks' ficst in the month of May— aud then, L.F., he wondeied why I laughed. The next time I chanced to converse with him ho was in dire straits about the misfit of a iiewly-purclia c -ed pair of boots, and after a piece' of voluble oratory on the ruse of a bootmaker, he concluded with an Irish bull. "A month I woie them nfore I could get. them on," was his sage remark. I fancy I hear the club officials saying. "Oh, Coruish, that is too far fetched" ; so I shall eJrpinin. a little. Tim's feet weie. through constant exposure and neglect, illshapen a-nd deformed, and like some men o£ th<> early days he had, on getting a new pair of boots, to gradually introduce his foot to the same until one became reconciled to the other, but such was his uneducated style of expressing himself. On another occasion he purchased a. chestnut horse, and to keep it about its new home, Tim put on it an ancient pair of hobbles, made out of calfskin. In -the couise of a. day or two, the horse strayed away, hobbles aad all. much to the consternation of its owner. Tim at once started in pursuit, and at first inquired of passers-by if" they, had seen a chestnut hor^e with calfskin hobbles attached, but 9? the day wore on and no' news of the wanderer was forthcoming, Tim became excited through anxiety, and finally asked a traveller if he had seen n calfskin horse with chestnut hobbles. "There comes to my mind a tale lenimiseent of that horse and its master that ought to be allowed a place in the anecdotes of our worthy "Jim. He "was solving the aff of saddling the beast, and finally wound up by placing the' saddle hind part before. Tim was iust comulimentirtg himself on having gained the clay, wh"n a neighbour informed him n£ his error. Looking at him with an air of injured innocence, and his -eye depicting withering scorn, our genius, answered his would-be advi=es with, '"How the mischief do you know which way I am going?" On another occasion Tim had lost his cat, which animal wa's greatly prized by its owner. He at once set out to discover its whereabouts, ptarting with his r>ext-door neighbour. The following dialogue endued. — Tim: '"Did you see my little cat;'" Neighbour: "What sort of a cat is it?" Tim: "Oh. a white- cat. with a black spot oveiy now and then.'' Collapse of neighbour As a conclusion. I will relate one of his latest comic pieces. Tim's sister-in-law had presented his brother with a =on, much to the gratifiction of Tim (who was an uncle), auci feeling elated at the news, he imparted the following to a bosom friencf: "Och, but me brother has a;ofc a son, and it's a boy, bedswL" , Now, dear L.F., you may nol believe the genuineness of the above raix<»d humour, but it is founded on fact. True, I have modified the language, as should you want to print it, Mr Editor would nepd to get type niscle to order to do so, a.s the original Tim delivered it la his broad rich Irish brogue.