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FUN AND FANCY.

— A bachelor is a man who thinks every girl who looks at him intends to marry him.

— There are few feelings of satisfaction thatequal that of getting more than your moneys worth.

— Many a noble thought has been em balmed in verse only to be buried in a AAastepaper basket. . — The people, of course, have a voice in the Government. Sometimes it is a voice and nothing more. —As One Might Say.— "Smith's ideas are always more or less confused." "Yes ; he seems to stutter- -mentally." — A woman sometimes fancies herself in love with a man, when sKe really only has a morbid curiosity about liiin. — Visitor: "Your smoking room is beautifully furnished." Mr Henpeck: "Yes; if only 'I were allowed to smoke in it." — Everybody's business is nobody's business. . Nobody's business is everybody's busines'?. ' Therefore, business is business. — Johnny: "Did you go fishin' yesterday?" Freddy: "Yes." 'Johnny: "Wojjer catch?" Freddy: "Five fish ah' a lickin' from dad." — She : "I know, Alfred. I have my faulfc3." He: "Oh. certainly." She (angrily): "Indeed? Perhaps you'll tell me what they

— Perhaps the worst sort of hypocrisy is the trying to make yourself believe that you do not think you are better than you know you ore. -r- Opinions differ as to Avhether the man 'who said that what can't be cured must be endured Avas suffering from rheumatism or dyspepsia. — Mrs Young wed (anxiously): "Do you think darling baby's lungs are sound, John?" Mr Youngwed ' (sadly) : "Alas! yes; they're very sound !" — Laura: "I heard about the elopement. Has her mother forgiven them?" Tom: "1 think not. I understand sh6 has gone to live with them."

— Disappointment first conies in life to ths baby who has a trumpet giA'en to him for a present, and then finds he hasn't got wind enough to blow it.

— Perfectly Satisfactory. — "Does your por"trait look like you, Dorothy?" "Yes; it looks just exactly as I should look if I were prettier than I am." — Bess : "So Jeannette married a farmer ! I thought she said she would marry only a man of culture?" Nell: "And so she did — a man of agriculture."

— Novelist : "Those confounded critics slated my new novel most unmercifully." Friend: "Well, you have f your revenge. They had to read tire book."

—If the average man could only achieve at 60 or 70 what at 18 he promised himself to attain at 25; you could not go out of doors, .without falling over Croesuses. — Uncle Bob (avlio has just treated his nephew in a Parisian restaurant) : "Not a bad dinner for three francs, eh?" Nephew (who is still growing) : "First rate. Let's have another !"'

— Ada (pensively) : -"I hope you'll invite me to the wedding when you get married- 1 ' "Jack (boldly) : "I'll invite you before I ask anyone else, and if you don't accept there won't be any wedding."

— Miss Gkishington -. "Oh, papa, do you remember the meaning of different names'/ Now, William means good. I Avonder what Arthur means?" Papa (severely): "I hope Arthur means business, Matilda."

—At the Concert. — "When the leaA-es — ■when the leaves — when the 1-e-e-eaves " sang the tenor. "What's 1 the matter with him?" inquired the rural visitor of his neighbour. "Can't he remember what comes next?"

— "What's the charge in this case?" asked the magistrate. "That's what -I'm waiting to find out, yer worship," replied tho prisoner. "I had the satisfaction of hittin' 'im, _nd I'm willing to pay any price that's in reason."

— His Reason. — Mother: "I Avant Clara to learn some unusual musical instrument. The piano is so common." Father: "1 would suggest the bass drum." Mother: "But that •ds not a house instrument." Father: "Exactly." — Among the many gifts lo a newly-mar-ried pair the other day was*a broom, sent to the lady, accompanied with the following sentiment: — "This trifling gift accept from me; its use I would commend. In sunshine .use the brushy part; in storms, the other Wid."

—By Deduction. — Maude: "Mr De Jones asked me to sinp; for him the other evening after Aye had been introduced." Clara: "And what did you sing?" Maude: "Why, liow do you know (hat J sang at all?" Clara: "Well, 1 noticed that he didn't ask Koii jtfl sing; ta-aighU"

— The Avater-carts of a certain Irish town are decorated v/ith. patent medicine advertisements. An innocent irishman from the rural districts looked ot one the other day, and remarked: "Faith, it's no Avonder D is healthy, whin thay water the streets with Jones Sarsaparilla !"

— Too Bad. — "Some people have very crude notions of the way it is permissible to act in a civilised country. What a disgusting thing the starting of t-hat report of CortIcy's sudden death was I" "Yes. Confound i_ ! I went round for nearly half a day telling what an excellent fellow he was before I found out that the report Avas untrue."

Permanent link to this item

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/OW19000510.2.153

Bibliographic details

Otago Witness, Issue 2410, 10 May 1900, Page 53

Word Count
810

FUN AND FANCY. Otago Witness, Issue 2410, 10 May 1900, Page 53

FUN AND FANCY. Otago Witness, Issue 2410, 10 May 1900, Page 53

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