FUN AND FANCY.
— A bachelor is a man who thinks every girl who looks at him intends to marry him.
— There are few feelings of satisfaction thatequal that of getting more than your moneys worth.
— Many a noble thought has been em balmed in verse only to be buried in a AAastepaper basket. . — The people, of course, have a voice in the Government. Sometimes it is a voice and nothing more. —As One Might Say.— "Smith's ideas are always more or less confused." "Yes ; he seems to stutter- -mentally." — A woman sometimes fancies herself in love with a man, when sKe really only has a morbid curiosity about liiin. — Visitor: "Your smoking room is beautifully furnished." Mr Henpeck: "Yes; if only 'I were allowed to smoke in it." — Everybody's business is nobody's business. . Nobody's business is everybody's busines'?. ' Therefore, business is business. — Johnny: "Did you go fishin' yesterday?" Freddy: "Yes." 'Johnny: "Wojjer catch?" Freddy: "Five fish ah' a lickin' from dad." — She : "I know, Alfred. I have my faulfc3." He: "Oh. certainly." She (angrily): "Indeed? Perhaps you'll tell me what they
— Perhaps the worst sort of hypocrisy is the trying to make yourself believe that you do not think you are better than you know you ore. -r- Opinions differ as to Avhether the man 'who said that what can't be cured must be endured Avas suffering from rheumatism or dyspepsia. — Mrs Young wed (anxiously): "Do you think darling baby's lungs are sound, John?" Mr Youngwed ' (sadly) : "Alas! yes; they're very sound !" — Laura: "I heard about the elopement. Has her mother forgiven them?" Tom: "1 think not. I understand sh6 has gone to live with them."
— Disappointment first conies in life to ths baby who has a trumpet giA'en to him for a present, and then finds he hasn't got wind enough to blow it.
— Perfectly Satisfactory. — "Does your por"trait look like you, Dorothy?" "Yes; it looks just exactly as I should look if I were prettier than I am." — Bess : "So Jeannette married a farmer ! I thought she said she would marry only a man of culture?" Nell: "And so she did — a man of agriculture."
— Novelist : "Those confounded critics slated my new novel most unmercifully." Friend: "Well, you have f your revenge. They had to read tire book."
—If the average man could only achieve at 60 or 70 what at 18 he promised himself to attain at 25; you could not go out of doors, .without falling over Croesuses. — Uncle Bob (avlio has just treated his nephew in a Parisian restaurant) : "Not a bad dinner for three francs, eh?" Nephew (who is still growing) : "First rate. Let's have another !"'
— Ada (pensively) : -"I hope you'll invite me to the wedding when you get married- 1 ' "Jack (boldly) : "I'll invite you before I ask anyone else, and if you don't accept there won't be any wedding."
— Miss Gkishington -. "Oh, papa, do you remember the meaning of different names'/ Now, William means good. I Avonder what Arthur means?" Papa (severely): "I hope Arthur means business, Matilda."
—At the Concert. — "When the leaA-es — ■when the leaves — when the 1-e-e-eaves " sang the tenor. "What's 1 the matter with him?" inquired the rural visitor of his neighbour. "Can't he remember what comes next?"
— "What's the charge in this case?" asked the magistrate. "That's what -I'm waiting to find out, yer worship," replied tho prisoner. "I had the satisfaction of hittin' 'im, _nd I'm willing to pay any price that's in reason."
— His Reason. — Mother: "I Avant Clara to learn some unusual musical instrument. The piano is so common." Father: "1 would suggest the bass drum." Mother: "But that •ds not a house instrument." Father: "Exactly." — Among the many gifts lo a newly-mar-ried pair the other day was*a broom, sent to the lady, accompanied with the following sentiment: — "This trifling gift accept from me; its use I would commend. In sunshine .use the brushy part; in storms, the other Wid."
—By Deduction. — Maude: "Mr De Jones asked me to sinp; for him the other evening after Aye had been introduced." Clara: "And what did you sing?" Maude: "Why, liow do you know (hat J sang at all?" Clara: "Well, 1 noticed that he didn't ask Koii jtfl sing; ta-aighU"
— The Avater-carts of a certain Irish town are decorated v/ith. patent medicine advertisements. An innocent irishman from the rural districts looked ot one the other day, and remarked: "Faith, it's no Avonder D is healthy, whin thay water the streets with Jones Sarsaparilla !"
— Too Bad. — "Some people have very crude notions of the way it is permissible to act in a civilised country. What a disgusting thing the starting of t-hat report of CortIcy's sudden death was I" "Yes. Confound i_ ! I went round for nearly half a day telling what an excellent fellow he was before I found out that the report Avas untrue."
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/OW19000510.2.153
Bibliographic details
Otago Witness, Issue 2410, 10 May 1900, Page 53
Word Count
810FUN AND FANCY. Otago Witness, Issue 2410, 10 May 1900, Page 53
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