PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2287, 30 December 1897, Page 3

PASSING NOTES.

(From Saturday's Daily Times.) Amongst the wishes " proper to - the season " is the wish to slip one's neck oat of the collar, deny all responsibilities, and become for the moment a loafer, a wastrel, and a spendthrift. I know the impulse as well as anybody. When the school year ends and the newspapers begin to grow thrilling with prize lists and breaking-np Speeches I feel a mad desire to fling duty to the winds and take the consequences. Christmas comes bat once a year, and it's a poor heart that never rejoices. However — thanks to the" discipline, editorial and domestic, tinder whioh I live— here I am ! In spitB of all temptations to unseemly dissipations I git down to write these blessed notes as sober as a Clutha prohibitionist, and a good deal more charitable. I forgive all the people I have injured; I commiserate sincerely the - imbeciles who fail to tea that I am always right; I pray that justice may be done at an early date to tha Saddon Government. These being my sentiments I feel at peace with all men, not excepting my critics. In the last number of the "Nineteenth Century" Mr James Payn cites a letter written by the •• Ettrick Shepherd" to Sir Walter Scott after they had quarrelled—a letter beginning " D d Sir." My correspondents are sometimes tmceremoiiloub, not to cay unpleasant, but none of them as yet have gob as far as this. But it would make no difference ; I should still include them all in the comprehensive sweep of my Christmas forgiveness.

The speech of Prince Henry of Germany, brother of the Emperor, on setting out for China with a German squadron on a mission of "grab," affords an edifying Christmas study, the more so as we may be reasonably certain that what Prince Henry said he said by immediate inspiration. Kaiser William looks too sharply after political opinion in his domain to leave to chance an official utterance on such an occasion from a personage so near the throne. Prince Henry said it, and tha Emperor says "ditto" to Prince Henry; either that or the other way about; — it comes to the same thing.- And what it comes to is that the Emperor hopes, to get himself accepted ' by the German portion of mankind as _ a new Messiah. The business of the German army and navy is to preach " the gospel of the Emperor's consecrated person," and, if there be any who reject this gospel, " to smite them with the mailed fist." !The world has known some queer gospels, including those of Joe Smith and Madame Blavatsky, but this, the latest, is a long way the queerest. And strictly conformable to the evangel itself Is the method of propagating it j the Kaiser'g evangelists' are to

" smite with the mailed fist." Of coursa ■ all Europo is on the broad grin — all Europe outside the Fathorland ; the English and French newspapers in particular receive the new propaganda with what the telegrams irreverently call " chaff." It was with foresight of this, doubtless, and with tha Messiah idea still in his head, that Prince Henry referred pathetically to the Emperor's " crown of thorns " I The Germans are not remarkable for^a sense of humour, but thore is no reason to suppose that they don't know when they are being made ridiculous. Theirs is a hard case. On pain of lese majesty and six months in a fortress they are required to adore a Messiah whose attempts to reveal himself produce one universal world-wide guffaw. _

Mr Seddon'a bill of expenses for LI 750 16s 5d is going the rounds of the Australian press, and the pangs of humiliation which the Right Honourable Richard suffered when he was compelled to explain the items to Parliament can be nothing compared to the mortification he must now endure from being unmercifully " chaffdd '\all over the colonies. Here is how one scribe surmises that the bill was made up : — jTo Windsor uniform ... 0 0 ITo military outfit for review ... „, 90 0 0 To naval ditto ditto ..: S6 0 0 To washiDg 0 5 6 To box at the ballet 50 0 0 To drinks for Prince and self „. ... 50 4 9 To fiills and lace for reception ... 70 0 0 To cab to Court ... 0 10 To flowers 105 110 To charitable donations 0 13 '!o shouting for Salisbury 99 ti ]1 To supper for Chamberlain and self ... 81 0 3 To toothpicks 5 0 0 To tipping the Master of the Household 0 10 0 To ditto ditto the Mistress of the Household 0 5 0 To other things 999 19 11 Total £1750 16 5 Ifc will be noted that this account ascribes to Mr Seddon great economy in i tha matter j of washing, as well as oarsimony in his expenditure on cabs. Fifteen pence for charitable donations is hardly consonant with our notions of Mr Seddon's disposition when on a holiday trip, but perhaps be reflected that since he was spending public money he mu3t not waste it on superfluities like charity. "What would Mr Seddon have done with L 5 worth of toothpicks 7 No doubt; " Other things," lika charity, covers a multitude of sins, bub a man cannot eat toothpicks, even if he chooses to try. The imaginary account reminds one of the story of two Scotch friends, one of whom sallied forth to procure their Christmas fare. He returned with four bottles of whisky and a email loaf, when his partner querulously demanded what he waß about to do with bo much bread.

At the risk of beiDg stigmatised by his Worship the Mayor as aa irresponsible outside scribbler, who takes no part in the work of advancicg the city's interest except by writing to the newspapers, I must take the opportunity of commenting upon the arrangements for the Jubilee. The notion is, I bslieve, generally entertained that the original settlerß were sour-faced Puritans and crabbad Covenanters who compounded for the sins they were inclined to by damning those tbsy had" no mind to, and that, therefore, the 23rd of March should always be a clay of humiliation and fasting. This idea is altogether erroneous. The very first anniversary of Otago was celebrated at two diets of worship, at 11 a.m. and 2 p.m., when thanksgiving, humiliation, and prayer constituted the programme. But; on the next day the worthy— or was it the unworthy?— settlors held a race meeting somewhere about where Roslyn now is, and thus inaugurated the Auniversery meeting. There were also aquatic and rural sports on the first day. The account of the races is Arcadian in its simplicity. It runs thus :—: —

Hurdle Race : Mr C. L. Pelichefs Zorab (owner) 1, Mr P. Crow's Bowler (Bentlev) 2, Mr Tyser's Piince (owner) 3. Mr T. S. Watson's Black Bess bolted. Run in three heats ; di3tanca, twice round the couise. Prize. £10, with entrance money. Hask Race, of Ssovs. with entrance money. Zorab 1, Prince 2. Bowler scratched, and Black Bess threw her rider. The press of those halcyon days could not be accused of pampering gport by devoting great space to it. But in those days religion was not content to be thrust aside into the early morning. The church appropriated the afternoon as well as the morning. In these degenerate days the church is content to be thrust aside into the early morning, even 11 o'clock being too late an hour according to Mr M'lndoe, whose archaeological attainments did not, I am sorry to observe, secure him a place on any of the committees of the demonstration. If it is any consolation to him he may obtain hie rerenee by merely

witne&siug bis rejectors in the procession. To ba pilloried in that way is a fate to which I would not consign my greatest enemy.

DearCivi?, — Some time ago I sent you a story told by an Atnericau bithojt ac tb« Lamb< J oh. Conference— a story either of biraselt' or of som<j other man, ib matbors cob wh'ch — how that he had domesticated a rattlesnake, which rattlesnake, being disturbed by a burglar whilst sleeping in its benefactor's bedroom, gripped the burglar's leg, hung it 3 tail out, cf tho window, aud rattled for a policeman. You politely intimated thab you had some difficulty in believing this story. If ycu read Bishop Nevill's speech ab his soiceo tho other night you would feel ashamed, I hope, of your incredulity. According to Bishop NevilJ, au American bishop sitting near bim at the Lambeth Conference handed him the following " lines " :—: — There was a good bi3hop ef Dunedin Who objected to the way of proceedin', But the chairman said No, The way we must go Is the way that / wish to proceed in. If this episcopal doggrel is proved—and I suppose we must belisve our own bishop— an American bishop ia evidently capable of anything.

In token that I bear no malice — this being Christmas time— l send you another story, also about bishops. Ifc is from the Pall Mall Gazstle :—

The Suffraean Bishop of was visitinga rural paiish to ofliciate at some festive fuuctioa, and expected to find the usual village rt joicings. Bub on driving from the station to the church ho noticed that the flag on the tower was flying at half-mast. "How's t&nt?" he asktd the 'driver; " who's dead?' 1 '"lhere ain't no one dead, tir," replied the jurvey. "We hists the flag 10 the top for the bishop, but when one o' theni cufferin' bishops comes we on'y hists ifc half-way." The po'nfc is, I suppose, thafe a " poffragar. " or •' aufferki' " bishop is only half a bishop. Hero is an advertisement from a church paper :—: —

Ihe vicar is prepared to exchange a hundredweight of coal for a wheelbarrow load of cinder dust, with a limited number of inarrieJ men. Full particulars will be given on application. Now, what do you make of that ?

Ecclesiasticus. " Bcclesiasticus," I bslieve, is a gentleman in the Apocbrypha, and there is a good' deal that is apochryphal about this letter. As to the question " What I make " of the vicar who wants to exchange a hundredweight of coal for a barrow load of cinder duEt " with a limited number of married men," I decline at this holiday season to rack my brain with this or any other ecolesiastical absurdity. Taken as a whole, the letter of " Ecclesiastics may be accepted aa a string of Christmas " crackers." Ci vis.