New Wine in Old Bottles.

Otago Witness, Issue 2253, 6 May 1897, Page 52

New Wine in Old Bottles.

Once upon a tinaa two frogs started housekeeping in a retired pool on the outskirts of a picturesque Jersey metropolis. They lived within their- income, drank water only, and were as comfortable as happy. But one morning a pious milkman stopped to increase his revenue. He was late as it was ; so hurriedly filling a pail with water, he distributed it through his cans and drove ahead, never dreaming that he had wrecked a happy home.

The young couple were x surprised at the sudden change, nor waa their fear as they began to realise lhat all is not water that trickles— that this new fluid threatened life itself. Long aud vigorously they struggled to keep their heads above the milk, but at last the madam's strength began to fail.

" George," she gasped, "I can't keep this up," and sank wibh a gurgle.

But George kept on hustliDg

At last the pious milkman reached the town. And behold ! as he opened the first can there sat George, lazily floating on a gensrou3 pat of butter.

Moral. — Never mind how hard the times may seem ; keep on kicking, and you may produce a pat of butter that will float you.

Somewhat Slow. There lives in a town in the north a lady who3e faith is firmly rooted in the mind-cure, and who is endeavouring by its means to get her children safely pasb the illnesses and aches of childhood. If little Mabel tumbles on her face, or if she complains of any pain, she is told" 1 that there is nothing really the matter with, her, and that her so-called pain is purely imaginary.

She is llatjy contradicted whenever she says that she is ill, and aamu'ed that there is no such thing as illness bub in the fancy ; and it is not in any degree to be wondered at that tha child finds this rather cold comfort when she is nob feeling well. Mabel's pet playmate and companion is little Kate, but oue day, aft9r the friends Had been together for rather a longtime, Kate remarked to her mother with a deepdrawn sigh :

'_' I don'b 'ever have mucli fun playing with Mabel, mamms "

" Indeed, Kafce," responded her mother in surprise. "Why not?"

"Because, mamma," answered the little one, " eho never wants to play at anything bub being ill. She says that her mother will not let her be ill at home, and bo she wants to play it all the time when she is here .

— Another Matter. — " You don't need another new dress, do you, dear 1 " ' She (calmly) : " No ; but I must have it."

— Good Reason. — He : " Have you any reason for doubting what I say 1 " She : " Yes, I have." He : "What is it 1 " She :"I don't believe you."

— Perpetual Motion. — "Andrew, how often have I told you that you mast never speak when your elder sisters are talking, but must wait till they stop?" — "But, mother, they never do stop 1 "

— "Iseethatayoungwifehas been arrested for putting arsenic into a pie which she -had made for her husband." — " Yes, I noticed it. It was very foolish of a young wife to use arsenic if she wanted to get rid of her husband." — " Why ? "—"" — " The pie itself ought to have been sufficient."