FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2232, 10 December 1896, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

1 _ The naked truth requires no dressiog. — ThedaUy beverage of the great powers '— Porte whine. — The greatest men are those who learn the most by the fewest experiences. — Large bodies move slowly ; also email bodies when called up to breakfast. — A good way to, dispel darkness from about you is to' make light of your troubles. — It is a common ibing in the voyage of life to mistake, like Sinbad, a whale's back for an island. — Man is never f ally ont of reach of a dominating power. When he's big enough' to defy his father, then he gets married. — Marriage is usually a failure when the man thinks he is marrying an angel and the woman believe 3 she is wedding a novelist's hero. — " There's one comfort," said the philosopher when his wages were reduced. " When I'm laid np ill in future I shan't lose so mnch money." — Casey : " Phat made Sandy fall off de ladder? Did his fat shlip?" Eeilly: "It did not. Oi told him a joke &n hour ago, an', share, he's jtst now seen it." " Ab," said the man with bated breath, Who lived with his third Ecoldiug wife, "You talk about * the jawa of death'— They're nothing to the jaws of life 1 " " — Changed. — "But, papa, things havß changed since you were young."—" Yea ; folks HBed to wait 50 years for a golden -nedding, and now they demand it at the start." • — Old Topington : " How startling ate statistics I We drank '70,000,000 gallons of whisky last year." Mre T. : " Speak for yourself, please. You know I never touched s drop of it ! " — One Good Dsed.— Mrs D 3 Ruffls : "It yoa ever did any good in this wide world, I'd like to know what it is.!,' Mr Da Roffla: «• Well, for one thing, I saved you from djing an old maid." — One Way of Getting There.—" Congratulate me, old boy — at last I am on the top round of the ladder of success."-*-" Well, here's to you ; but I'll bet you got there by turning it upside down." —In Obher Words.— " Yes," said the lovely woman, " it was very lonely living out there. No neighbours to speak of." — " That's to say," ventured the Mean Thing, "no neighbours to talk about." — AdolphuD . " I wonder if Miss Sharps is chaffing me, or if she is really goae on me?" Theodore*. "Why, what did one ■ay?" Adolphus: "Sba said-- I would always be green in her msmory." — Old Gentleman (to railway porter) : "Porter, the rain is drippißg in from the lamp-hole all over my trousers." Porter (reassuringly) : " No, sir, it's quite watertight, I assure you. It's only tbe oil leaking a bit." — Scientific Mamma : "Do not dance all the evening, dear. Remember that the dances or" an average ball cover a total distance of nine miles." Praqtical Daughter : II Ob, but a girl is carried most of the way, mamma." — "Ob, mammal" cried little Francos, "there are two new dear little feittens in a j box down in the lanndry with the old cat." — j "Are there, dear?" — "Yes, mamma; and! this year's style ot kittens is black trimmed with white." — Swell (to omnibus driver): "Why, didn't you put a oleau ' collar on this - morning, Joas i " Joss ; " Well, yer mother ain't sent 'ome my washin' yet; she* late this weak. Tell her if it occurs agen I'll have ter send them somewhere else." — An editor, who is evidently a family mac, sagely remarks that a boy who will yell like a Tartar if a drop of water falls on bis shirt collar when his neck is being washed will crawl through a sewer after a ball and think nothing of it. — Mary (to her husband) : " George, if I die, promise me one thing." Gaorge : " What is it, Mary?" Mary: "That you mairy Emma Wilkins." George : " Why, I thought you hated her." Mary: "I do, Ga»rge: 1 1 want to get even with her." !