FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2210, 9 July 1896, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— Nobody ever saw a woman use a hammer to drive in a tack when a flat-iron was near.

— He : "Do you believe In love at first sight?" Miss Thirty-eight : "I believe in any kind of love." — " There is no doubt in my mind but that Robinson Crusoe observed Easter."—" Why so?"— " Because he had bis good Friday."

— She (regretfully referring to the microbe question) : " And now they tell ub kissing must go." Ho (jojfully) : •' Then hero goes 1 " — Good for Others.— Edith : " What do yon think of patience?" Etc el: "A good deal like oastor-oil— excellent to recommend to other people." — " You're not worth your ealfc," said the mustard, turning up its nose at the butter. " I don't see any occasion for you to get hot abont it," retorted the butter in a strong voice.

— Beggar (who is ticketed " Deaf, dumb, and blind"): "Here, you, sir! What are you trying to swindle % poor tfflicted pusaon like- me for 7 This here tanner's made o'tin I " ' -

— Whe9ler sayß : " Yea, cyclicgdoes produce heart trouble, as some of the doctors assert, "He has been biking with a young lady several times lately, and has got it badly." — Servant: "Shnre, mum, Rover's just afther bitin' the lig off ay the butcher-bye ! " Mistress : " Dear, dear, how dreadfully annoying 1 I do hope he was a clean boy, Maryl" — Mrs Ohinwork : " Miss Elder is trying to make a New Woman of herself." Mrs Oaattermore : "Ib she 7 " Mrs Ohinwork : "Yes; she has already knocked IB years off her age." — It is said that a man could easily carry a million pounds it the money was in £1000 notes. It is worth while for Qvery man to know this, so as to be prepared for an emergency. — Even the most impultive women have their good traits. An Irishman, mourning his late wife, tearfully remarked : " Faith, an' she was a good woman. She always hit me wid the soft md ay the broom."

— Talkative Lady (to fireman) : " And what is that strap that goes under your chin worn for 7 " Fireman : " This strap, madam, is given to us to rest our chins when our jaws get tired of answering questions." — The governess was giving little Tommy a grammar lesson the other day. vAn abstract noun," she said, " is the name of something which you can think of, but not touch. Can you give me an example 7 " "A red hot

poker I" — Patsy^breathlessly): "I say, Jimmie, yer father's gob arrested, an' the coppers is olnbbin' the life out of 'hn." Jimmie (sged five): "Well, he needn't fink I'm goin' V heJp 'im ; now he knows how I feel w'en he's" clubbin' me."

— Unnecessary Excitement. — "Girls, what do you think ? Blanche is going to marry a lord 1" exohumed Miss Rosebud. "Oh, tell us all about it 1 " exclaimed the rest of the girls in excited chorus. " Yes, it's true. He owns a couple of bouses. He's a landlord."

— Poor Diokl— Alice: "What are you looking up in the obituary column so eßgerly 7 " Bess : " Dick proposed to me over a week ago, and I told him to ask pa." Alice : " And did he 1 " Bess : " That's what I'm trying to find out, as he hasn't turned np'since." — Those Foolish Questions we Ask.— Mrs Howit (to her husband, who, with razor in hand and face lathered, is standing in front of the mirror) : " What are you doing, dear— shavicg? " Mr Nowit (sarcastically) :"No 1 I'm trying to black the grate. Where are you— at the oirous, or out sailing 7 " — Both Sides of the Question.—" Yes," said the teacher, "the egg represents all that is gentlest in creation— the cooing doves, the tunefal songbirds, and the stately swans. Johnny, if hat other gentle creatures are hatched from eggs I " " Snakes, ostriohes, alligators, sparrow-hawks, and eagles,' said Johnny. .

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