ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 1994, 12 May 1892, Page 41

ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

According to a Home paper, the ladies of Carmarthen recently held a debate at which the subject of discussion was. " Should ladies open thoir husband's letters?" The discussion seems to have become very warm indeed, in the course of which one young and innocent maiden timidly ventured to state she thought that ladies should, not ope their husband's letters, and characterised such -a proceeding as "inquisitive, unwomanly, and iin proper." All the matrons present immediately sat upon her : and one stern Minerva-like lady proposed an amendment to the effect "that ladi were perfectly and legally justified in openin their husbands' letters, and also in making th fullest inquiries into all their business transac tions." This was carried by an overwhelming majority t

Here, indeed, the men have got a reasonable cause for complaint — worse a great deal than the franchise ! Although the " overwhelming majority " voted that they were perfectly and legally justified in opening their husbands' letters, for my part I cannot see it. How the law would decide in such a contingency I do not know, but when it becomes a matter of demanding all those things allowed by law, and conceding nothing that the law does not allow, all true comradeship is at an end between husband and wife. Legally a wife may be justified, but I object to that other word " perfectly." The dictionary has it that perfectly signifies " completely, accurately," and applying those two words to a woman's courtesy and dignity, and her wifely trust, the decision these matrons arrived at was neither perfect nor accurate. There is, to begin, a very palpable manifes tation of suspicion, and it is pleasant to note that it was the young wife who was shocked at such an avowal. Strong, no doubt, in her early trust and love, she shrank with womanly sensitiveness from acknowledging even to herself, much less to others, that "men are deceivers ever." It does not argue at all well for tbe men that the elder matrons considered they were not to be trusted, and doubtless some bitter and painful experiences had forced them to that conclusion, but even bo, their is their own womanliness to consider and their orrn selfrespect to maintain, and it is very doubtful whether the knowledge of .his wife's mistrust of him ever made a man more trustworthy, only a little more cautious perhaps,' and a great deal more secretive.

Confidence that is demanded isn't worth the having, and it is contemptible to use secrets that are surprised . Admissions that are gained by question and * cross question are most unsatisfactory things. There is only one sorb ,of confidence that is of any value at all, and which is an honour to receive, and that is the kind which implies perfect trust in us. It ennobles the confidor to thus give himself completely into the hands of another, and it ennobles and strengthens the receiver to feel that to him is imparted tbe thoughts and acts of another soul. But it is not always the husband's fault that he does not confide all his business affairs to his wife. Nor does it follow that because there is a reservation he does not love her faithfully, for in the complexity of business affairs, and often in social intercourse, it is unpardonable, contemptible — even criminal— to impart to a third peison, however dear, knowledge which we possess. Women must remember that in spite of their many mental and physical graces they have a little knack of chattering one t< another. The kinder half mean no harm at all, and would be dreadfully vexed if they found harm bad resulted, but harm often does result," as the outcome of many a confidence, as kind husbands, who are business men can testify. If a wife is perfectly certain that the reason of her husband's reserve comes from the fact that he is deliberately and wickedly deceiving her because he is ashamed to let her know what he is doing, it seems to me that in a while she must despise him too utterly to care to know, much less to humble her pride to trick him for the purpose of obtaining information that he desires to withold. I agree with Tennyson that love and trust betrayed " is not worth the keeping- -let it go!" There usually comes a time when such men find that for the gratification of their vanity or selfish pleasure they have lost the one»tru3 friend and faithful love that would have been the consolation and adornment of their middle age, for let men jibe and jeer as thoy may and laugh over their deceptions, it is the crowning honour of any man's life that, he has deserved, as well as kept, his wife's affection. Ho man ever yet despised the love of a faithful wife but some time or other monrned by the ashes of a fire that had burned out. All the prying into his affairs will not make true-hearted a man who is by nature false ; yet, as I have jnst said, it does not follow that a reserved man is a

deceitful man, and things would come to a pretty pass if doctors and clergymen and lawyers (the father confessors of the human race) and money lenders and business men in general were to have their letters opened and read by inquisitive wives. It is the essence of meanness to read a letter not intended for our eye. Out of your tru3t you impart your Becrets to me— not to someone else whom you do not know. In an hour of weakness and weariness I pour out my thoughts to you — not to your brother or your mother. There are many things that cannot be measured by rule, or demanded by right of one another, where our own nicety of honour or the vulgar suspicion of our minds alone can direct us ; and it seems to me to be a violation of all that is trustable to peer and pry where confidence is withheld. The fault may lie, not with the withholder, but with ourselves. Perhaps we did not receive the last confidence as we should. Our sympathy, even our credence, may have been wanting, or if we gave them did we keep sasred what was committed to our trust? Suppose that I entertain a very high opinion of your husband's sound judgment, and I am in need of a man's advice, and I write to him asking him to assist me to a deoision. Now, my dear madam, how should I have wronged you 1 I should have complimented you by my tru3t in him. But all the same I didn't wish you to know, because I was not quite certain of that pleasant little tongue of yours. If your husband betrayed that little business matter of mine I should despise him as a man wanting in moral stamina, and if you opened my letter before he received it, I should take it as an insult and an admission that you neither trusted him nor me. If I wrote to you about some little feminine matter which I desired you to keep sacred, and he demanded to read the latter or opened it before you received it, I should think him impertinent and vulgar, and you would be very angry. So whatever the law may allow, and however it may regard husband and wife, morally they are two separate persons, and must in their separate capacities have separate although united interests. But, unfortunately, relationship and close intimacy is too often an excuse for the abuse of those courtesies whioh we plentifully accord to strangers. No home is harmonious, where this instinctive honour is lacking, and where all demand their rights by law allowed. Can't you remember the feeling of pride and pleasure when as a child you received your letters unopened, and the glow of satisfaction with which you broke the seal, read them, and then handed them over to your mother, proud to justify her faith in you 1 And have you ever outlivsd the feeling, almost akin to disgust, with which you receive a letter that has fallen into the wrong hands t

If wives attain the proud position in which " the heart of her husband may safely trust in her," they are to be congratulated upon the honour, but in cases in which perhaps from something lacking in themselves or something lacking in their husband, or by force of circumstances they are excluded from a portion of his confidence, let them at least maintain their womanly dignity so that men must own, " She was a creature wisely planned." The postponed Cinderella dance came off on Fright night, a most unfortunate night as far as' the weather was concerned. The Oity Hall had a very inviting appearance for the occasion. Among those present were Mesdames F. 0. Neill, G. S. Denniston, De Zouche, and the Misses Neill, M'Neil, Ziele, Scott, Sise, Butterworth, Mackerras, Miller (Oamaru), Koberts (2), Maclaren, Farquhar (2), Battray (2), M'Phail (Gisborne), Macassey, A. Roberts, Reynolds (2), Quick (Wellington), Webster, Mrs R. Neill, Mrs Stock, Mrs E. 0. Reynolds, Mrs Johnstone (Berwick), Mrs Henry Mackenzie, and Mrs Bothemley. Mrs Johnstone, as " Powder and Patches " looked very well in black ; Mrs E. 0. Reynolds wore white brocade, the front covered with chiffon ; Mrs Stock, pretty cream satin ; MisE Neill, as " Powder and Patches," wore cream and pale pink striped brocade, the bodice covered with pink chiffon ; Mrs Henry Mackenzie, pale blue net and blue satin, with a silver Swiss belt ; Miss M'Neil, cream silk covered with striped gauzs of the same colour ; Mies Farquhar, cream merv. with trails of cream roses; Miss G. Farquhar, white merv. with frill of yellow chiffon round the bodice and skirt; Miss B. Scott, dark grenadine; Miss Macassey, as "Powder and Patches," wore white merv. trimmed with lace ; Miss Johnstone, handsome black dress of striped gauza and velvet trimmed with bugles; Miss Butterworth, as "Powder and Patches," wore black; Miss Ziele looked very well in yellow ; Miss F. Sise, white merv. ; Miss Webster, black relieved with red ; Miss R. Reynolds, as " Powder and Patches," wore heliotrope Bilk trimmed with pansies ; Miss A. Roberts, as " Powder and Patches," wore salmon pink Bilk trimmed with sage green silk ; Miss G. Rattray, pale pink silk trimmed with chiffon ; Miss I. Rattray, sage green Liberty silk; Miss Roberts, as " Powder and Patches," wore black with pink roses ; Miss G. Roberts, as " Powder and Patches," wore white merv.; Miss M'Phail, pink nun's veiling trimmed with chiffon ; Miss Mil'er, cream silk trimmed with bronze velvet ; Miss L. Mackerras, pale green silk and chiffon ; Miss Neill, pink silk ; Miss Quick looked well in an Italian costume ; Miss G. Maclaren looked very well in dark red nun's veiling.

A charming entertainment is to be given on May the 20tb, in aid of the funds of the public art gallery. The money is needed to buy two pictures which are in the art gallery at present. One is "Below the Mill" (by Walton), and the other "Sunset in Holland" (by Weedon), both celebrated artiste. As the art gallery is a public institution, it is only fair that the public should assist in its support, and the entertainment, apart from the object, will be interesting enough in itself. The subject is a sketch upon ancient statuary, illustrated by limelight views.

To emare pablloiition in the forthcoming Issue letters should

reach the Witness office not later than Saturday night.}

IDescrlptlonß of balls, &0., must be endorsed by either our own oorreipondent for the dUtrict or by the secretary to the ball committee. The MS. of any correspondents who do not comply with thin rule will be tent to the lecretary for endorsement prior to appearing.]

BACHELORS' BALL AT WAIWERA.

A very successful harvest home ball was given by the bachelors in the hall at Waiwera on the 22nd ult. The hall was tastefully decorated for the occasion, the stage looking very pretty

with the words " Harvest Home " formed of sprays of green and flowers, while in the centre was a sheaf of corn, and at each corner a cabbage tree. The eatables, under the charge of Mr C. Redpatn, gave every satisfaction. The music, by Mr Carroch (violin), Mr Bilzon (piano), was excellent. There were so many nice looking and nicely dressed young ladies present that the selection of belle was out of the question. Following are a few of the dresses :— Miss Moffat, pretty pale blue, with white lace ; Miss Spiers, white embroidered dreßS with pale blue sash and pretty flowers ; Misses Black, white dresses with cerisa ribbons ; Miss Fyfe, white dress with pale blue sash : Misses Irwin, dark skirts, white bodices, crushed strawberry sashes ; Miss Garden (Clinton), dark dress ; Miss A. Watt (Kaihiku), black dress with white fichu relieved with scarlet ; Miss Chapman, white embroidered dress ; Miss Gordon (Wellington), pale blue dress trimmed with handsome cream lace : Misses Littlejohn, respectively m grey grenadine relieved with pink, and white with blue bodice and sash ; Miss Blaikie, black dress : Mrs Breeze, black dress handsomely trimmed with jet, and scarlet flowers ; Mrs Clark, black skirt, white jacket and scarlet ribbon ; Mrs Fyfe, pretty grey dress. As the gentlemen are sometimes blamed for not wearing gloves, it is only right to give those at this ball the credit due to them, as they all wore gloves.— Waiwerian. BALL AT SEAWARD BUSH. A most successful ball was held in the Seaward Downs schoolhouse on Friday evening. 28th ult. The attendance was the largest at anything of the kind ever held here, the only drawback being that the schoolroom was too small on this occasion. I shall try to describe a few of the dresses worn. Mrs Inglis, black cashmere skirt, black velvet bodice, and evening flowers ; Mrs P. Jones, black cashmere, black watered silk sash, beaded trimming: Mrs A. Cameron, black dresß and beaded trimming ; Mrs Brown, black dress and evening flowers: Miss Cameron, a pretty grey dress, Liberty silk front, evening flowers ; Miss Maggie Cameron, white muslin, evening flowers, feather fan ; Miss Sarah Cameron, maroon cashmere with Liberty silk vest; Miss Hill, pretty black cashmere dress trimmed with claret plush, feather fan ; Miss Shirley, black cashmere dress with a bodice of old gold brocade silk; Miss M'Lennan, stone-coloured cashmere with black French trimming, feather fan : Miss H. M'Lennan, peacock blue dress : Miss Mitchell, white dress, tartan ribbons ; Miss Morton, sky blue with an overskirt .of white tarleton, blue

sash ; Miss Ross, brown dress, gloves and evening flowers ; Miss Somerville, white muslin, salmon sash; Miss Crosbie, black skirt, striped bodice, blue feather fan : Miss Buttler, white dress, feather fan ; Miss Taylor, ecru bodice and white lace overskirt, feather fan ; Miss Muir, pale blue with white lace trimming, feather fan ; Miss Jessie Muir, dark dress and pink ribbons ; Miss Bell, black dress and red sash ; Mrs Drake, black cashmere with cream lace trimmings ; Mrs Johnston, black dress and beaded trimmings, evening flowers. Several other ladies wore pretty dresses, but their names are not known to me. Music was supplied by Mr A. Shirley, and Mr P. Jones acted as M.G. Songs, recitations, step dances, &c, were contributed by Messrs Shirley, M'Naughton, Jones, Muir, and Vickery. Mr and Mrs Inglis are to be congratulated on their untiring efforts to supply the wants of all present. —Terpsichore.

DANCE AT KARITANE.

A successful soiree and dance was given in the native schoolhouse at Karitane on the evening of the 3rd May. Among many nicely dressed ladies at the dance, the following were perhaps the most noticeable :— Mrs George Taiaroa (Otago Heads) looked charming in a becoming dress of black grenadine, having trimmings of black velvet, with gloves and shoes to match ; Miss A. Ellison, similarly dressed ; Miss Pratt, cream muslin, maroon Liberty silk sash, silk bows of the same colour, shoes and gloves to match ; Miss Ettie Sutherland, white muslin, pea-green sash ; Miss Kate Sutherland, white muslin sateen ; Miss Martha Pratt, pink sateen, covered with white lace, pink water-wave silk sash, shoes and gloves to match ; Miss Parker, white dress, black silk sash, shoes and gloves to match ; Miss L. Hoggie, pink dress, pink sash ; Miss Grant, black cashmere dress, trimmings of velvet, pink vest ; Mrs Apes, pale blue skirt, silk maroon bodice ; Mrs Taukora, peacock green skirt, dark green bodice.—Spectator.