HUMOROUS LETTER-WRITING.'

Otago Witness, Issue 1855, 10 June 1887, Page 35

HUMOROUS LETTER-WRITING.'

.Paganini-Redivivus,' having seen an un flattering notice of a musical performance of his, wrote the. following . letter^" I<?look upon> all" critics who "praise me 1 as ' men' of intelligence; and 'worthy of -the greatest rej spect ; and I look upon those rare ones who ' dispraise me as 'having a screw loose in their (cerebral development. .*, I consider "that if the person who wrote the notice was present at,, the. performance, he is, only worthy to be,an"inmate*6f a home for ihiots ;, anddf he was' not-present, he is a' mean, unmanly cur, and should* get seven years' hard labour.",, \ f <v -- .^ „' .; ", ,-. ■ v An autograph -hunter, .begging, a wellknown journalist's autograph, wrote :—": — " If

you deem : the request 1 unwarraniied ' on my part, send the refusal in your own handwriting,' and with j^our '•own wgnatwrk, that I may know it is authentic." 'An Oxford undergraduate wrote to Charles Diclcens : — " 'Sir,— Seeing' that you insert rhymes in your serial, I send you some." .The ieply was:—" Sir,— We don't insert rhymes without reason." KEEPING EIB WIFE AND BABIES . ...... WARM. Mr Eli Perkins tells the following story of Beecher's early poverty, which he heard from the preacher's own lips. Beecher said : "My salary was so small that I used to cut my own wood. Once, I remember, there came a great' flood down the Ohio. The river was" 'filled with floodwood. It Was Sunday — but, oh, how I wanted to catch fch'afc wood Out: of • the river ! " " Did you catch it ? " I asked. " I am sorry to say, Eli, that I did," he replied. " I hurried through my sermon, and all that afternoon, ■mth my trousers rolled up to my knees, I ■ struggled with the floating timber. ' I' filled my yard with it. And I am sorry to say now that my dear wife stood in the door and cheered me on." And then Mr Beecher looked over to his wife, who smilingly gave her assent. '•That Sunday," continued Mr Beecher, " I secured - enough wood to keep my wife and babies warm all winter." Queky.— Here is an illustration that has just come under ,n,otice of the trouble to which travelling, ■ theatrical companies are subject There was one lately in a small town which boasts a weekly paper. The enterprising manager advertised, after the,| usual boastful manner, in this paper. Unfortunately his advertisement required a large number of notes of exclamation, of which, however, there was a scarcity in the compositors' room. The editor, however, was wealthy in notes of interrogation, and saw nothing wrong in using them instead. Thus the advertisement read : " Enormous success 1 ? ''AULondonartists??? '/Hundreds turned away nightly 111 '/,' A legitimate triumph ?? ? " Fun without vulgarity 1111" Bbtbayed. — A young doctor of laws and a lady of rank, who were not known at the time to be engaged to be married, met one evening at a numerous and brilliant party given by the commandant of the town. The ady, young and beautiful, wore, as .was then the fashion, abeaut'y patch on her upper lip, near the right corner of her mouth. It so happened, in the course of the evening, that most of the company went out of the room, leaving the doctor and the lady above mentioned alone together. When the company returned they found to their surprise that the doctor now had the black patch on his face^-that' is, on the Upper lip, but towards the left corner of his mouth. — H. yon Kleist. Value of Emphasis,— O'Keefe relates that he heard Thomas Sheridan recite on Smock Alley stage, Dublin, and show by illustration that in a' line of eight syllables the sense might be changed five times by removing the accent from one syllable to another, thus : iVone. but the.brave deserve the fair. None but thelrave deserve the fair. None but the brave deserve the fair. None but the brave deserve the fair. None but the brave deserve the/air. How Delicious. — The following story is told-of a Conservative M.P., who, wishing to conciliate an old captain of a mine, a voter, sent him a splendid pineapple from his hothouse: — " I hope you liked it," he said to the old man, when he met him a few days afterwards. "Well, yes, thankee, pretty well. But I suppose we sort of people are not used to them fine things, and don't know how to eat 'em." , " How did you eat it, then ? " ',' Well," said the man, " we boiled 'en." ••Boiled it]" sighed the M.P. in horror, thinking of his pineapple. '.' Yes ; we , boiled 'en with a leg of mutton!" . ,