The Otago Witness.

Otago Witness, Issue 1854, 3 June 1887, Page 21

The Otago Witness.

WITH WHICH IS INCOEPOEATED THB SOUTHBHN

MERCURY.

FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 1887.

PASSING NOTES.

We are in the throes of a political crisis— that is to say, of a revolution, — but have learned to make revolutions with rosewater. There -will be no howling mobs, no barricades, no bloodshed.' The Premier about ,to be deposed is even on terms of reasonable cordiality withi the leader of the successful revolt. There has been no " Off with his head I So much for Atkinson 1 " The party coming in will wreak no vengeance on the party going out. " MrBallance will not ■he impeached, nor the blue blood of the Vogels attainted ; Mr Reynolds will not be sent to the Tower (Mount Cook prison), nor will Sir Robert Stout be relegated in honourabWexile to a bishopric,' for which post of usefulness I have often thought him eminently fitted. Amongst our remote forefathers something like this might have happened. Other times, other manners. As it is, all the parties to, the struggle for place, power, and pay which resulted the other night in the defeat of the Ministry seem equally well pleased with the result. At least so says the Daily Times correspondent, and the statement seems not a little surprising. That' the Opposition should rejoice over their victory is intelligible, but why should the Government be made jubilant, by their own discomfiture? "Most of the members of the Ministry," says the correspondent, " were, to all appearance, delighted with their defeat ; the Premier seems especially light-hearted over it." There may be something of makebelieve in this, but it is not all make-believe. There is no evidence that the members of this Ministry were all and each passionately attached to one another. The Stout- Vogel union was scarcely a case of " two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one." The motley and heterogeneous political firm that went under that name transgressed in more than one instance the Scriptural command, " Thou shalt not yoke an ox and an ass together." These facts, perhaps, serve to explain the otherwise inexplicable and all but indecent joy of the Ministry — or some of them — over their own defeat. It is pleasing at any rate to think that they are pleased, for the Opposition is pleased, and the country is pleased, and we are pleased, and thus there is a delightful diffusion of pleasure all around, or, as somebody puts it in the " Mikado "— And they are right, And you are right, And we are right, And all is right, as right pan be.

Mr Joseph Braithwaite, the enterprising Princes street bookseller, was at one time a pillar of the Dunedin Lyceum. In his quality of pillar he presided at its assemblies, compiled or helped Sir Kobert Stout to compile its memorable "Guide," edited its " Echo." Mr Braithwaite, who is now a pillar of orthodoxy, will not, I am sure, take ill the mention of these historic and biographic details. He has this week drawn attention to them himself. In a letter addressed to the Star — a letter a column long — he drives the knife between tbe ribs of Freethought with an accuracy of aim which can be explained only by an ancient and intimate acquaintance with the victim's anatomy. Nobody but an ex-Lyceumite could have gone so straight for a vulnerable spot, or "got home "so well. If Mr Braithwaite will only keep it up, and the Star or some other paper gives him space, we may look for some fun. Times have been dull with the Lyceumites of late. Nobody attacks them, nobody laughs at them, nobody knows or cares to know anything about them. Their ritualistic gambols — slapping the breast with the left foot, and the like (vide "Guide") — have ceased to amuse, their ecclesiastical nihilism has ceased to alarm, One of their presidents,, Mr Braithwaite, has been converted to Christianity, and about another, Sir Robert Stout, there have been great searchings of heart. For is not Sir Eobert turning out a Deraas, who loves this present world ? Altogether things are pretty low at the Lyceum just now, and greatly need a fillip. That fillip Mr Braithwaite seems to have been predestinated to give. An attack by a former president turned orthodox should be enough to galvanise every fainting believer in the gospel of unbelief into spasms of furious activity. But for this intervention their hall might soon have been let to the Salvation Army.

There is a good deal of frankness about a paragraph in the Auckland Bell, commenting on an incident during the recent visit of a French man-of-war. The band of the visitors' played for the public entertainment in Albert Park. At the strains of the " Marseillaise " every Frenchman uncovered, but, says the Bell, " not a pig of us had the courtesy to do the same." The English National Anthem followed, when again the visitors lifted their hats ; not so their hosts. Natives of foggy Britain, and too familiar with colds in the head, they grinned, shuffled about, looked uncomfortable, but remained covered. Says the Bell, commenting ,on this : " As a nation we have many good and estimable qualities we know ; but in manners we are swine." The editor's indignation is riot unjust, but the terms in which he expresses it are too comprehensive. ' There is a story of Dr Parr, a once famous head-master, and a still celebrated Grecian. A young whippersnapper, fresh from his university, had the impertinence to condole with Dr Parr on the decay of Greek scholarship. "Don't you think, sir," said he, "that we are far inferior to the Greek scholars of the past ? " " We" snarled the erudite but testy doctor; "mind your pronouns, sir, mind your pronouns 1 " I offer the same advice to the editor' of the Bell. He says that " in manners we are swine," and that "not a pig ,of us " knows the decencies of civilised life. Let

him mind his prondunsiand speak for himself and his Auckland neighbours. r >

Mr Dugald Ferguson's angry protest against the mishandling' he received in the Daily Times review of his book raises 1 in a new form the protectionto native industries question. " I write bad English,' ' do I?"— retorts Mr Ferguson to 'his critic. "Well, why shouldn't 17 I am a, colonist, and as such am entitled to ,write bad English." This is anew style of defence,— new with a vengeance, since,- if this be allowed, the literary critic is clearly de trap, and may lay down his tools and join himself untothe unemployed. Othello's occupation's gone.' That is an evil under which Mr Dugald Fergusonj no doubt, might be consoled. ITotso easily^ however, would the s public be consoled. The literary critic, be it understood, exists ! f or the public and not for the Dugald Fergusons. But let us. hear this modest writer's opinion on the rights of native authorship in his own words : —

Pray, Sir, where does tbe reproach come in that I should be found so deficient in grammar, whose life since a youth has been cast among the most uncongenial scenes and surroundings of Australian and New Zealand farms—scenes in which opportunities for reacquiring forgotten lessons of school studies were singularly lacking? Is such an experience as that a fitting opportunity, think you, Sir, for you to herald to the public your own mighty acumen and critical' ability< in the hunting-out and holding-up faults for public derision that a more gentlemanly spirit might well have taught you rather to hare made allowance for P Here we are told that a bush author is to be excused in writing ungrammatical sentences because his life has been " cast in uncongenial scenes," and that reviewers are to be restrained from pointing out his faults by a "gentlemanly spirit." Protection to native industry, you perceive. Literary bush-carpentry, if native to the soil, is to be protected against criticism. It won't do, Mr Ferguson! Where is the necessity, prithee, that a man who can't make grammatical sentences should write a book at all ? It is the old case :

Nee satis apparet cur factitet versus. Some praise is due to the colonial youthambitious of authorship who fails either in prose or verse — praise for the attempt. But that he should be praised for the failure, or even encouraged by silence, is too much , to ask. Nevertheless Mr Ferguson, as one example under this class, is entitled to " talk back" to his critics, and to deluge them with opprobrious epithets, if that is any comfort to him. There are extremities of oppression in which, as the proverb has it, even a worm will turn. What good the worm gets by turning does not, however, sufficiently appear.

The ripples of that teacup storm, designated, "a Ministerial crisis," have filled the columns of our daily papers " to the exclusion of other matter," as a well-known phrase runs. But this phrase upon examination will be discovered to be incorrect. There seems, as luck will have it, to be no other matter to exclude. Since the session commenced Dunedin has been without even a dog fight to relisve its dullness, excepting always the oration of Sir George Grey upon the hard brass of the Burn's Statue and the relaxing symposium that followed it. The only incident at all in the nature of a local sensation is the revelation (at wearisome length, to be sure) of the ferocity of the gas engineer. This affair has once more split the City Council into two sections, each comprising six panting partisans. It has led to the hurried resuscitation of the supposedly extinct Ratepayers' Association, and has cast a transient halo of fame about the portly person of Mr D. A. Graham. As a man who merely made cheap gas he was silently appreciated, but achieved little popular distinction. As a man who .imperils public business by behaving with want of polish towards the secretary of the. town office (gas department),who compels clerks to make " bee-lines " for back doors, and who writes well-argued defenoes embellished with genuine touches of humour, he is likely to become a hero, like — let .us say Boulanger or Mr H. S. Fish, i Whatever the merits of this ' case may be when laboriously "panned out", by the City Council there has been plenty already to afford wholesome diversion to the public, ,In fact, it is doubtful if the public are not well satisfied with the thing as it is, and would not join heartily in presenting testimonials to all three belligerents — Messrs Graham, Taylor, and Griifen. Do not the first and the last named gentlemen — the engineer and his clerk — at least deserve thanks for their contribution towards ' the public entertainment. Mr Griffen appeals for protection from the " brutal and outrageous " conduct of his superior, of whom he stands in bodily fear, and before whose " fiendish " visage he has been forced to make a " beeline for the back door." Of this episode Mr Graham gives a really delicious narrative, divested, he claims, of "imagery,. hyperbole, or superfluous embellishments." Here is an extract : —

I said, "Mr Griffen, after this I should feel obliged if you would first knock at the door before rushiag into my house." I then rose and went out into the pass-age; but he made a retreat, and began to execute the "bee-line." It is untrue that I said, " Go out of, my house," as both my wife and servant can testify. Nor is it true that I, " roared at the top of my voice " ; nor is it true that " I opened the door," for the day, was hot and the room door was open ; nor is it true that Mr Griffen made "a bee-line for the back door"— his imagination supplied the place of sober sense when he insinuates " I was coming towards him" with "I imagine 'something in my hand"; nor is it true, as my servant and my wife can prove, that he could possibly have seen " the JSendish look in my face." Apart from the witnesses I can bring forward to prove that Mr Griffen has borne false witness againsb me, I would ask: Is ie reasonable to suppose that while Mr Griffen " was in a state of bodily fear" and was in the act of executing "the bee-line," "coming down the stairs much quicker than I went up," is it at all likely he would, under such circumstances, like Lot's wife, turn to have an "imagined " look at the wrath to come ?

Mr Graham, it will be perceived, can do other things besides making gas. He may

possibly,' if he' finds leisure; in the future, give, me, occasional .assistance with . Passing Notes; As to, the veracity, of either party in respect i to >the scene here,; recounted, obviously the only way. rin which that can be 'definitely settled is to have a dress rehearsal in the presence of both ! parties of the City Council, the Corporation solicitors, arid sayj Mr 'W. L. Simpson as referee. Let Mt Griffen .be' placed again : in his position in bodily fear, and let Mr Graham be also placed in hit with, the fiendish look, firmly fixed. , Then let' Mr Griffen re-execute his bee line, and let the, tribunal watch developments, and take notes. / .•,■_<; „ i >

Much excellent funi got out of examination papers— not by the examinees, certainly,' butby the examiners, whose questions sometimes seem contrived with a view to humorous effects, and by the public when judicious examples from the answers get by any chance 1 into ' the 'newspapers. "Mark Twain has recently supplied— possibly out of his own fertile brain— an American list of examination paper comicalities, which I am bound to ,say, beat all English attempts in the same lineout of the field. The Mark- Twain list will go the round of the papers, no doubt, but that fact need not deter me from using some pickings out of it to enrich my Passing Notes: Here' are a few plums • specially selected" by the at. James' 1 Budget:— A future citizen of the United States can apparently define a Republican' as " a sinner mentioned in, the Bible," arid a demagogue 1 as "a vessel containing beer and other liquids.?' Of the mathematical samples we prefer the ingenious definition of a circle as "a round straight line with a hole in the middle," of the geographical, the assertions that " Russia is very cold, and tyrannical," and that " Ireland is'called the ' Emigrant Isle because it is so beautiful and green." The pearls of history are numerous and precious— e.g.\ " by the Salic. law no woman or descendant of a woman could occupy the throne,", and " the Middle Ages came in between antiquity and posterity." As a specimen of literary history, take the statement that " Georga Eliot left a wife and children who mourned greatly for his genius." The science of " Physillogigy is to study about your hopes, stummick, and .vertebry." It teaches, for instance, that " the gastric juice keeps the bones from creaking." It must be added that the questions of the examiners are sometimes almost as foolish as the answers they elicit.

At a general business meeting of the Dunedin Presbytery, held on Wednesday, the proceedings suddenly assumed an animated character by the clerk (Rev. Mr Finlayson) drawing attention to some remarks which the Rev. Mr Gibb had made at St. "Andrew's Church soiree. In the course of the debate the Rev. Mr Gibb explained the statement called in question. Ultimately matters were brought to a conclusion by it being resolved that Mr Gibb's explanation was satisfactory.

The, induction of- Professor Dunlop to the Chair of Theology in the Otago University took place at the First Church on Wednesday evening, Dr Stuart presided, and most of the members of the presbytery were present, also a large number of members of the < congregation and others. The induction sermon was preached by the Rev. •Mr! Watt, the subject of his discourse being " A Plea' for an' Educated ' Ministry." " Professor .Dunlob, after being' addressed on behalf of the presbytery by the Rev. Dr Stuart, said the kindly, welcome he had already received in Dunedin, what had been said that night, and the work to which he had been inducted, all laid upon him a heavy responsibility. ' The kindness which ; he had met with would, however,' be a very noble stimulus to him in the work upon which 'he then, entered. JHe was, proud of the fact that he was a member of the grand Presbyterian Church that had such a noble record. The branch of that church which had been established here had proved itself' to be a true child of its venerable mother by the zeal it had shown;in educational matters. It would be his business to try and imbue .those who might be entrusted to his care with the conviction that the only genuine and effective religion was the religion of Christ — the, religion of redemption. It; would also be his business to present religion so as to try and make it appear that it was the highest rationality, and that its acceptance did not involve the sacrifice of science or any other good thing. He should like to serve the church as his < predecessor had done, and he thought that the presbytery would be amply satisfied with him if he emulated his success.

Mr Thomas M'Eenzie, of Balclutha, is making an active personal canvass to endeavour to secure the Parliamentary seat for the Clutha district, now held by Mr Thomson, M.H.R.

The Tuapeka Times reports two fires in that district within the last few days.' 1 One, which narrowly escaped being attended with disastrous consequences, occurred at Beaumont on Sunday evening last. Mrs Adams left N>.r home on Friday morning for Lawrence, k-m fi h.-r family of seven children in charge <•! n little girl named Hart, about 14 years of age. On Sunday evening one of the children went into the front bedroom with a lighted candle and accidentally set fire to the window curtain, the flames spreading to the scrim on the wall, and the roof also caught. One of the children ran out and called the neighbours,- and Mr Donaldson and Mrs Borthwick, who were soon on the scene, succeeded' in beating out the fire before it got too strong a hold. The place had a miraculous escape from total destruction. Another fire occurred at noon on Tuesday in the seven-roomed dwelling of Mr Denis Roughan, farmer, Tuapeka Flat, which was destroyed. Mrs- Roughan was rendering the fat of a newly- ■ killed pig, and, leaving a large fire on, went outside to do something. Ou returning she* discovered'the kitchen ia flames, the fire having caught the woodwork. She gave the alarm and Mr Oummings, a neighbour, rendered what assistance he could ; but as the flames spread rapidly' very little furniture was saved. Mr Roughan was from home at the time of the occurrence. The house was insured for £175 and the furniture for £75, both in the ' Standard office, but the damage is estimated at about £100 over the insurance.

The Trustees, Executors, and Agency Company have a farm four miles from Dunedin for sale or to let.

Messrs Gordon Bros., Anderson's Bay, publish a prize list for the current planting season. • ' Messrs Wilson, Tame, and 00. will sell Clydesdale horses and Ayrshire oattle on account of Mr David Warnock: at Invercargill on the Bth inst. Mr H. M. Driver will sell threo dairy farms on Inch Clutha at the Mutual Agency Company's rooms, Bond street, on the 14th inst. 1

Particulars of' pastoral land open for application in the Ha\yea and Wakatipu districts .appear in our adverfcisingcolumns. ' t t '. Messrs- Wright, Steptieneon, ' and Co. will sell §edigree Clydesdale • mares ' and 'geldings at the' 'rovinoial Yards on the 11th inst.