FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1778, 19 December 1885, Page 27

FUN AND FANCY .

— A Chinese sign in a shop at Socorro, N. M.j reads " Siu Was In." -<„ . . , „v — " This is a spanking breeze," said the old sailor, as he fanned his unruly boy with his baud. — The house-fly is very slow in. its move* 1 ments when you want it to go' out oi, doors 1 ; but quicker than qnickuoss when it wants* to come in. — A man, upou reading in a novel that the heroine's beautiful face " coloured with pleasure," said : " Now I know .what's the mattei' with my nose." — A Nevada hunter spent three months looking for a grizzly bear, and the man's relatives have spent three mouths looking for him. They think he must have found the bear. f i, „ — The boy who was twelve ' years old last, year, but has recently scored auother birthday, should nob be permitted.to eat with the family, because thirteen at table is considered very un? lucky. , , — Tt 'pears dat all through life the hardest thing ter do is de bes' arter it am done. /It takes de hardes' sorter work ter split er knotty piece o' wood, but arfcor it is split it makes de bes' fire. . . * — " Grandpa, dear, we have come to wish you many happy returns of your birthday ; and mamma says if you will give us each a halfcrown we are not' to lose it on our way home." N " — Old Friend :•' You ought .to be very proud! of your wife." Host: "I am." , Old. Friend: " She is > a very brilliant talker." Host :*f She is." Old Friend : " I could listen to her talking the whqlc'night." Host : " I often/to" ",' v ,; '',„: — " Pa," who was Shylock'?*' Pater." 1 , loquitur. .\ " Great goodness, boy ! You attend church and Sunday school every week, and don't know who' Shylock was ? • Go and read your Bible, sir." ; — Literary Bailie,: "Aud you gave the prisoner directions iri'extensq, did you?" Witness : "In what, your honour ?" "In extenso/' "No, sir; I gave him directions in English; I can't speak any other language, sir." ' ■ . •■' — A British jailor- thus defined 'the difference between a hurribane aiid 1 a'typh'oonf " In a.hurricane the wind bloivs as hard as it can,' but in a typhoon it blows as hard as it can and then gives a jerk.", , rii — They say that trumpet players are doomed to short lives. We doubt it. We kuow an old duffer who, by blowing his trumpet incessantly has achieved a happy aud troublesoriie old age He still tootles. ( , *-J — Phrenologist : " Your bump of imagination! is abnormally large, sir. You should write poetry." Citizen :" I do 'write poetry. Only' yesterday I took a poem to an editor, and that bump you are feeling is where, he hit mo. Don't ■ bear on so hard."

— " Does your papa object to my presence?'' he asked, timidly creeping near his hat, as 1 ho fancied he hoard a footstep. "No, I don't reckon he will," came the confident answer;' " anyhow, you can send them along and sorter try him." ,

— Clara: "I understand that Mr Fetherly paid me a very pretty compliment to-day." Ethel : " Yes ; what was it?" Clara : "He said that among the most beautiful young ladies at the party was Miss Clara Smith.'" Ethel (with a cough) -. " Yes, I noticed you among.them." — As he heard the doo -bell ring, Mr Jinks looked up and said: "Jimmie, answer the door." "I can'tr do it, pa." "Jimmie!" "Well, pa, I'll answer it all right Avheu it speaks to me first; but I can't do it before, can I?" And then Jimmie and the book Mr Jinks was reading ran a race to see which would get out of the room first.

— At one of our board schools the .master, in a general exercise, wrote the word " dozen'" on the blackboard, and aslced the pupil? to each write a sentence containing the word. He was somewhat taken aback to find on one of the. papers the following unique sentence :— " 1 dozen know. my lesson./'^ If jfchat. ,boy, lives.,to grow up he will be an editor.' '*