flotsam and Netsam.

Otago Witness, Issue 1324, 14 April 1877, Page 14

flotsam and Netsam.

Si quid novisti rectivs iitit Candidut imperti; si non, hit vtere meeum.

"If you know anything better than these remarks of mine, kindly tell me; if not, use these with me."

I am so interested .in the feeding arrangements at, the ! Empire .. city. ■ Surely no man with a stomach under, his waistcoat could fail, to be interested- a little. Now that' those, :poor young men are all shut up in the Government buildings all day, and can't get a bite or a sup for their selves, I think every^ true .Colonial ought to drop a tear of sympathyover them. I quite understand' the dis-' satisfaction of serving a patsrnai Government which allows bo many' goes for beer,, and so many bites of sandwich pjer diem,/ but I trust that the heads of departments will go a step farther, and see to. the underclothing of these young people In! my junior days it waa always considered essential to health to keep your flannel open, and wear your bowels next your skin. If the Ministry are not attending to things of such almost imperial importance, if they are wasting their time looking after retrenchment and sending the "no goods " about their business, a stern reckoning will be demanded of them. ; Modesty is no feature in advertising matters. The immortal Slesinger has covered himself with renown Jby attempting to hide his virtues that refused persistently to be hid. He has cured the human race of rheumatism in these parts, but he has done it by his extensive modesty. The advertisers of the new patent lighting machine are inclined to rival Holloway, put Ghollah in the shade, and make the great Slesinger tear his hair. They say of the Imperial Gas Machine, that " with a. full knowledge of' the requirements of the case,, and in the firm belief that absolute perfection 'has been attained." There now — how's thatfor high 1

, I don't know how to disband a man individually. Am I alone in my ignorance 1 In discussing the great and immortal question of the dress boots of the Fire Brigade, Councillor Fish, in a moment of passionate eloquence, declared that "if a body of men entrusted with the disbursement of public funds were so lost to feelings of propriety, and self-respect as lo throw away £15 so as to give, a tender to one of their own number^ the sponer they were individually and collectively disbanded the letter." Quite right, Mr Fish ; we cannot but admire your regard for the public money. Your sentiments do you credit, and all that sort ' of thing : only how in thunder are you going to set about it. Disbanding a man individually seems to be nearly as difficult and impossible a task as marrying Sydney Smith's fat woman. "Marry her," the witty canon said (if I remember right) ; " you might take your morning wal£ round her if there were plenty of. seats; or you \ might read the Riot Act, and disperse her." This is the course 1 should recommend Mr Fish to take : read the Riot , Act, and disperse the Fire Brigade, individually and collectively, but still, how to disband them individually rather puzzles me; however, if anyone can do it, . Fish can. Moreover, our friend has turned over a new leaf, and does not now believe in public meetings and agitations. He has foresworn sack, and pledged himself to live cleanly. As to our gas, it is quite clear that; whatever the reason is, a change of some kind ia desirable. Somebody suggested Price's patent night lights as an improvenient, and I am free to confess that they j couldn't be worse. It does seem a strange J way of improving the supply to cut down j the stokers' wages and the labourers' ditto. Possibly they were getting too fat, and therefore lazy ; but this does not appear from anything that has been in evidence.

I am not prepared to say whether Satan is busy at the Gas Works, as was suggested by one Councillor, or whether he

spends most of his time atthe City Council Chambers. 'In the latter place -he would find .plenty of idle hands, on Tuesdays at any rate., , . ■ - It strikes me that- the dodge of the General Government re the Provincial servants in Wellington is the most" miserable thing I have ever heard of. They .were, dismissed first; when ; the old; Province was impecunious, .and,, then/ though 1 they stuck to their work r , they have had their compensation docked by the! Ministry, because the 'date of T ttieir reap- 1 pointment excludes them frcrivtechhically demanding compensation for all' their years of- service previous to the time when the' Province of Wellington got ■. into Queer street. . v • . ■ , , . Crustacean-.