SHINGLE THE THIRD.—HEADS OR TAILS.

Otago Witness, Issue 659, 16 July 1864, Page 8

SHINGLE THE THIRD. — HEADS OR TAILS.

I saw two good-for-nothing scamps of errand boys the other day, playing at tjitch and toss in the public streets. The one had, set down his basket of groceries, and the other his tray of meat ; and, regardless of the sneaking little terrier, who, with his

tail nearly tucked between hig legs, was making insidious approaches to the latter — they tossed up the coins with wild excitement, — their little eyes gleaming with eager avarice, as they watched the rise and fall of the battered toki ns, such as the good folks ot Otago are fain to accept in ieu of more legitimate small-change. Little recked they of angry masters, or of mistresses rendered impatient by delay. They were engaged in the pursuit of bad halfpence, and didn't care a button for anything else in the wide world. Ah ! they were naughty boys — idle young vagabonds, and '* Don't care" will come to a bad ending, as we used to read in the spelling-book, many— oh ! how many years ago. That is to say, the old Shingler did, You, Mr TonmorJdy, possibly travelled by a more royal road to the p^ns asinorum ,- and so never heard of the vulgar old tale to which I refer. I am told that wonderful discoveries have been made in the science of education since I wore a round jacket, and had " longs" and " shorts" regularly drilled into me, vi et armis ; and it is no longer considered neces^aiy to improve a youngster's brains by the castigation of his antipodal extremities. Would to Heaven the new process, whatever it may be, had been found out at an earlier period, so that the connection between cause and effect might have been more clearly and less forcibly demonstrated in my own case. But revenons a nos moutons. Do you think, my masters, that there are no naughty boys of larger growth — no hirsute players of pitch -and toss in the world? Can any one of you lay his hand upon his heart — soft or horny as the cisc may be — (I mean the hand not the heart, perhaps) — and honestly declare that he has never staked his own hopes and prospects, or the hopes and prospects of others on the tossup of a metaphorical sous? You, my dear sir, who opened that wonderful store, replete with all the novelties of the season, on the strength of unlimited credit, with the chance of success if trade was brisk, and the certainty of failure if trade was dull. You, who started that glittering j dram-shop where the plate-glass mirrors reflect the gilded cornices, and the prettiest and most seductive of barmaids presents I the Circean cup to doubly intoxicated cusj tomers. You, who have dahbled in long leases of choice sections and sni-f* cornerlots. You, who went into that farm withont sufficient means to stock or cultivate it. You, who tendered for that contract at hazardous rates, knowing that you ran the riak of losing the horse or winning the saddle. — Have not every one of you been "'laying a game of ' heads or tail-*' with Fortune ? Herein only do you differ from my naughty little boys— the odds are all in your favor. With you it is a game of— Heads you win, tails sornehody el«e loses. And after spinning the trumpery coin in the air, if luck declares against you, why, there is the dismal record of the Insolvent Debtors Court, and the possible experiences of Stoddart's Hotel, for the encouragement of others. It is you, my very dear, but misguided friends, who constitute the lachrymose fraternity of Croaker*, whose hearts s-ink within you when the escorts are small, or j the weather is bad, and who prate most wofully of dull times, when in all truth i aud soborness the dullness is in your own brains, which fail to discern the narrow i line of demarcation that separates the uui tortunate man from the rogue.

Of course, tin's concerns not you, Mr Tomnoddy. You belong to the upper crubt of Provincial 'society,' and your name is inscribed at the top of the page. Ah !be not over confident. Are not you also dallying with lucky pennies? Have you (excuse the question) paid for that beautiful Brussels carpet and elegant suite of furniture ? Is there no debt save that of gratitude due to your wine-merchant? Does that exquisite scent in your mouchoir really and truly belong to you ? In fine, are you not indulging in the good things of life to an extent which, if yonr income was narrowly scrutinised, you cannot afford ? Oh ! you are a very honorable man, so are you all— all honorable men : I know all about that, mv dear sir. Yet I have heard of one— only one — who came to grief in a neighboring Province, and endured a tedious incarceration in consequence' — very improper of course, but so it was. The fellow — I beg his pardon — the gentleman, had a humorous sense of gratiude, however ; for when he was liberated, and the detaiuing creditor benevolently invited him to 4 liquor up,' he replied — " No ; I have been eating and drinking at yonr expense for the last six months, and I think I ought to treat you now." How I woulil you tike to confess a similar obligation, Mr Tomnoddy? "Not at all?"' [ Hit n stop your extravagant little game of I pitch and toss, and face your tailor like a man. And you can't do that in 'pegtops' that you have not paid for. Well, the old shingler is fain to admit that there are worse gamblers even than these;— men who hazard on a die their . health and lives, and " play at cherry-pit with Satan" for their souls. Desperate

gamblers are these. Heads, they lose — tails, the old serpent wins. But let me not trench on sacred ground. 'Tis not my vocation, Hal. There are plenty of clerical shinglers in Ota«o ; and if there were not, the ru«ty nail of conscience ever leaves its abiding mark on the toughest heart, of oak or humanity. But, my 'dear fair friends, what shall I say to you ?— you never play at pitch and toss. Skipping-ropes are more in your line. But do not some of you skip just a a little too high ? and when you chance to catch your dear little toes in the rope, and perpetrate a very obvious stumble, don't jou feel that you have been playing a foolish game of heads or tails? and do not your affectionate sisters— who by long practice, or superior genius have acquired the art of skipping with due discretion — do they not, I ask, witness your fall with secret seH-gratulation, and raise their lovely white hands in horror of your sullied robes P Oh I my sweet darlings, 'tis not because you have played and won, that you should turn your well-shaped backs upon her who has played and lost.

There is a game of pitch and toss which I have often seen played with consummate science by women ; and the peculiarity of this game Jies in the fact, that whilst she can only win the veriest trifle, she is pretty certain to lose a most valuable consideration ; like the lucky boy, who picked up a halfpenny, and broke a window. When Paterfamilias comes home from hia office, or his labor, wearied with the fatigue and annoyances of the day, — petulant in temper it may be — vexed by matters which, consulting your peace, of mind, my dear madam, he keeps to himself— as the Spartan boy concealed the' fox that gnawed his \itals ; — do you not often meet your troubled cara sposa with unsightly frowns on your fair brow, and angry glances flashing from those bright eyes which first entii railed his heart, and a disfiguring pout on those cherry lips whereon he sealed vows of eternal love, — perhaps too with angry words ? And if this be ?o, do you know what you are doing ? You are playing at pitch and toss with your mutual happiness ; and if you stay not your hand in time, the misery of your after-life will prove the heavy forfeit which you will have so foolishly staked and lost.

There are other gamblers yet, into whom the old Shingler would like to drive a few nails if space would permit. There is the young lady gambler, who plays with hearts as children do with chucky-stanes ; with whom it is a mere game of " heads or tails," whether she shall mairy poor Briefless, — whose talents, unfortunately, are not of the metallic order, — or wed with rich Gripus, who has houses and lands, and fhares — Heaven help him !-r-in the Dunedin Gas Company. Yes, jingle the coins, my dear, — spin them prettily in the air. Ah ! heads are nowhere, and so you shall be Mrs Gripus, and when Briefless ia attorney-g eneral or judge of the Big-jaw Court you shall find out how dearly you loved him.

There is the elderly young lady, too, who, having flirted every -sensible suitor miles away from her crinoline, is balancing in her mind whether she shall become the better half of a fool — deservedly the last chance she will ever have of entering the estate of wedlock ; and though last, not the least of gamblers is the confirmed old bachelor, who has pitched away his chanc.s of comfort by selfishly? tossing with a • headless halfpenny. Ah ! if he had but played fair he might have won —

Love, honor, and obedience— troops of friends. But his scheming has gained for him only a loss ; and when the day is spent, and the shades of evening draw nigh, and he can play his accustomed game no longer, he will sneak away by himself, lonely and unpitied, with the lightest of purses and the heaviest of hearts.

Let me confess my own peccadilloes. Bless you ! the free and easy shingler is no better than the rest. Many a silly game of pitch and toss has he played in his time. Well, well ! he is older now, and no longer stakes his welfare on the turning of a coin. Ah ! if he could but begin the game of life again, with the teachings of his fifty summers as capital in hand — but vestigia nutla retrorsum.