SHINGLES FROM AN OLD ROOF

Otago Witness, Issue 659, 16 July 1864, Page 8

SHINGLES FROM AN OLD ROOF

By a Free asd Easy Suingleb.

SHINGLE THE SECOND— THE BILL. OF FARE.

The last time I was in town (f don't often come in, for lam weak enough to prefer the fresh breezes and green pastures of the country to the mud and impurities of Dunedin), I went for a dinner to the Commercia' Hotel, as had been my custom in the days when the Commercial was lower in the world than it is now. But scarcely had I crossed the threshold when I was confronted by an individual with a particularly limp neckcloth , wh o, nourishing a not over-clean napkin as an insignia of authority, assured me in accents of bland austerity that I could not dine there. The old hostelry, or rather its modern succe«8or s had been transformed into a " Club,' 1 where the creme tie la creme feasted sumptuously every day, and free and easy shicglers could on no account be permitted to iutrude. So I was compelled to go " otherwheres," as a crafty loon expressed it in court the other day Resisting the benevolent offer of that large-hearted restaurateur who is always wanting the public to know that a first-class dinner, consisting of soups, joints, and pastry can always be had for the low charge of two shillings (and how he does it for the money I don't know), I strolled along the streets on prandial thoughts intent, till attracted by the fine kitchenry odors which pervaded a certain other hotel, I even followed my nose, and resigned myself to the merciful attentions of the presiding genius. Poor man ! how I pitied him. He seemed to be .oppressed with the multiplicity of cares attendant on his over- taxed functions. I thought what a chaos of call's hea r $ and Scotch broth his ideas must be ; and how, in the watches of the night, his c >ui:h must be > haunted by spectral visions of multitudinous orders. How heavily boiled rounds of beef must lie on his conscience, or his stomach, for there is a much closer affinity between the two than ordinary people imagine ; how revengeful saddlesof mutton must ride on Ins chest, and myriads of spiteful chops hiss in his tortured ears, and vermicelli twine in and out of his brain, — after the manner of Alonzo the Braye — and skeleton flounder* glare at him with lack-lustre orbits from the folds of his curtains. When you rap the table so impatiently, my dear Brown, because that dainty cutlet with sauce piquante is not brought to you at once, when you vociferate " waiter !" so savagely, my beloved Jones, because you ] are kept waiting for that morsel of cheese and salad, do you ever think of these things ? Not a bit of it. You are both— ! I say it with the utmost deference— in a ! hurry to get rich, and you want to be oft again to your desk, or your counter, and I consideration for others is not quoted in i the mercantile price current. But it is a good profitable commodity for all that, if ! your philosophy could but find it out. Well, the solemn waiter handed me the bill of fare with a melancholy smile, and I glanced down the extensive list of dishes with some little bewilderment, for I am i little accustomed to such things. The writing was a little cramped, and I bethought me of the swell-mobsman who, when in a similar fix, be ng unable to read, pointed at random to two dishes, and wa3 considerably horrified to find that he had ordered a luxurious but peculiar reptst consisting of pudding and cabbage. I was too canny, however, to fall into that trap ; and persevered in my investigation till I alighted on a promise of sheep's- ' head. " A vulgar taste"— did you say, Madam? True ; but lam only an old Shingler you see.

After all, there was nothing very formidable in that bill of fare. Stripped of all flourishes it might have been compressed into brief apace, thus : — fish, mutton, beef and pork. What else could there have been,? Without inquiring too curiously into the arcana of the domestic menage I may hazard the opinion that you, my fair lady, employed your beautiful white teeth yesterday in the mastication of mutton roast or boiled. Our friend, Robinson, satiated that wonderful and fearful appetite of his, on beef ; and poor Jack Nokes of the Pen-knife and Blotting-paper Department — who having a wife and five small olive-branches to maintain, and to keep up a respectable appearance beside?, cannot always afford to provide the family table with beef and mutton at a shilling the pound, out of his surprising stipend of two hundred and fifty pounds a year — poor Nokes, I say, appeased the cravings of hunger with crispy barracouta. Thank God ! fishes are cheap, and are not vexed with either scab or pleuro-pneu-mon: a» or perhaps they would not be allowed to enter the Heads of Otago, and

the mouths of the people.

'Tis strange that after nearly 6000 years our tables should present so little variety. Nineteen centuries of civilisation have not done much for us in this direction. For all practical purposes we are no better off than the patriarch who sojourned in the plains of Mamre. True it is that roast pork has been invented by Chinese con-.

dagrationists, and I am free to confess that in a well roasted leg, savoury with sage and onions, there nsideth a marvellous appetency. But he who could devour the offal-fed abominations, sold under the name of pork, without incurring all the pains and penalties of nightmare and dyspepsia, must possess the stomach of an ostrich, and the digestive powers of an emu. Wild pork is another thing. Blessings on the brave and thoughtful old navigator who colonised Tavai Vounamou i with pigs There'a not a lady in all the land, but would smilingly send her plate three times for such dainty meat. As to the Maoris, there is reason to fear that— barring their recent return to original habits— the advance of civi isauon has deprived them of their choicest fare. 4 Baked missionary' no longer forms the piece de resistance of their banquets, and spare-ribs of ' cold curate' serve them not for un dejeune dine, as in the da^s of yore. But who knows; — perhaps such very oleaginous food disagreed with them, and so the aspirations of Sydney Smith have been realised.

" You see, my patient public, I want a change. A wider range of animal food would afforJ a healthy variation from the eternal beef and mutton — suggestive of all the hofrors of incipient disease — and have a perceptible tendency to reduce the present exorbitant prices, and in both ways render Otago a more do-arable country to live, or rather to feed, in. Have we no friends in England who will spare ns a score or two of hares, and a covey of partridges from their well-stocked preserves? Are there no Scotch cousins amongst us who could induce some of the mag.nate3 of North Britain — their Graces of Argyle and Athol, say — to bestow upon us a few choice bir»is and beasts? So that Brown could go A eh isioji the wil I deer ami f >l'owinf» the ro ,' over our bonny hills, and Jones course the swift-footed hare on our plains, and Robinson flush the black-cock or the partridge in our ferny brae 3. And that reminds me that unless boinethiiiir is done, and that right speedily too, to stay the ruthless slaughter of our native wild-fowl, there .will soon be not a duck or a quail left in the land. Already they have wholly disappeared from places where not long since they could be put up in flocks So, too, with fish. A fine, fat flounder is fast becoming a rarity. If you have a weakness for fish, my dear madam, jour palate is mocked by a puny floundering, scarcely out of its suadd ing scales, and as fmionless as a dry d ickeu — a thing which I defy the mosfc expert of neathanded Phyllisea to render toothsome. Our friends in Australia are making sirenuous and successful efforts to locate the royal salmon and lordly trout in their river, and probably we too may some diy come in for a share of those excellent th ngs in fishes. But they have already the advantage ot us in the possession of the Murray cod, which, when deftly cooked, is really "a dish to set before a kinir." Has nobody sufficient public spirit to make the experiment of stocking our own streams with that splendid fish?

That very ciev^r gentleman, M. Isidore Geoffroy >t. Hilaire, Pre-ident of '• La Societe Imperiale d' acclimatation," telU us that the world furni-)hea us with a lit of no less than 140.000 animal*, and we ! poor patient settlers in N«w Zealand are content to breakfast, dine, and sup on three. Surely our bill of fare might without much difficulty be enlarged. From Australia we might procure the wild turkey, and many varieties of pigeons. I say nothing of the kangaroo, — though kangaroo-tail soup is not by any means to be despised. But what shall be said of the South African Eland — the noble " Antilope Oreas," — as large as an ox and as easily domesticated — upon a haunch of which a " committee of taste' 1 consisting of Professor Owen and other learned disciples of the gustatory art, held an experimental banquet, at the Aldersgate Tavern, a short time since. Here is their decision, as communicated by the Professor to the Times. Let us read, mark, and learn — would that we could also inwardly digest : — ■ 14 Committee unanimous as to its texture — the finest, closest, most tender, and madticable of any meat. In taste, the first impression was of its sweetness and goodness, without any strongly marked speciality of flavor; it was compared with veal, with capon; finally, the suggestion that it was (mammalian) meat, with a soupqon of pleasant flavor, was generally accepted." Think of that, Master Brooke ! " Meat with a soupqon of plitasant flavor!" Think of thaf, I say, and then go and munch your miserable matron, or pleuroed beef with what appetite you may.