HOW TO ANNOY OTHERS

Otago Daily Times, Issue 23527, 16 June 1938, Page 19

HOW TO ANNOY OTHERS

To go about insulting people seems an easy thing to do, but if you would meet with the fullest measure of success, there is one point you must observe. There must be some element of truth in what you say. You might say to me; “ Well, brother, I see you're looking sober this morning.” Of course I am looking sober this morning, and every other morning. There would be no truth in the implication that I ever am anything different, and so the remark would roll off harmlessly. But suppose you wore to say: “My word, every time I sc. you, you've lost some more hair.” In that case I probably would wish you would mind your own business. I know I am baldheaded, but I don’t want to be reminded of it. It’s the truth that hurts, and it is the hurt that will make you unpopular with me. Do you got the idea? Just think up a list of things you can say and do that will lower people a little in their own eyes and in the eyes of other people. Here are a few of my trustworthy suggestions: Tell a woman her baby is ugly. If a man has done a fine thing, point out an unworthy motive for his action. Let a woman know that you know she has dyed her grey hair. Don’t let a man finish what he is trying to say. Monopolise the conversation. Fail to keep appointments, and. when you do see the other person, make it clear that you don’t care. When a woman asks you to tell her frankly what you do think of her new gown, be perfectly frank. Accuse a man of double-crossing. Brag about the money you have. Always top the other man’s story with a better one. Belittle the hardship the other fellow has been through. We might go on, but those are enough to illustrate the general principle. They will do for a start, and as you go along other examples will oCcur to you. Practice will perfect you in the art of making yourself unpopular. and in a surprisingly short time nobody will have anything to do with you. In fact, you probably will attain complete unpopularity long before you have fired all the arrows in your quiver, and there will be nobody left to shoot at.

To be as accomplished as possible in your chosen task of making people unhappy, you should not rely upon mere technique alone. You must have Ihc right spirit. You can't produce your best results if your words and your actions arc merely mechanical. You must actively dislike people; you must wish them the worst possible luck. If you do help them a little bit. or make them feel a little better, it must be only so that they may fall all the harder, and be hurl all the more when you do get in your dirty work. In getting yourself universally disliked, it will be helpful if you can dislike other people thoroughly. There are two infallible signs by which you will know the to which you arc succeeding. The first is by the way oilier people shun you. If you achieve unpopularity they will not leave you in any doubt about it. The second sign is the effect on yourself. The first effect you notice is the position of the corners of your mouth They will point down instead of up. This will be the result of realising that there isn’t any good in anybody. The second sign will be a narrowing of the eyelids. This will result from the constant air of suspicion you will wear. Everybody is trying to pul something over on somebody else, and you must look sharp to expose them. Next you will notice a slight wrinkling of the nose. Tills will come from sniffing at the weakness and pretence you unerringly recognise in everybody. Then you will sec your complexion turning yellow. It is an indication of an increasing amoun* of bile in the system, poison in the body. _ You will become more and more jaundiced. Dyspepsia, A course will be well advanced by this time. After this you will not last long, for you will have reached the ultimate goal of unpopularity—you even arc unpopular with yourself. You may now go to the devil in peace. Nobody will bother to send flowers!