PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 9511, 20 August 1892, Page 5 (Supplement)

PASSING NOTES.

(From the Otago Witness.)

" The Conglomerated Puddle and Muddle Gold Mining Company, Limited; in Liquidation." It is with mixed feelings that I receive communications with this superscription—very mixed. lam lost in wonderthough not in love and praise—that ever I could have been seduced into complicity with so transparent a partnership of. knavej and fools. I would dearly like to swear, only my principles forbid it, and I badly want to kick somebody—an original promoter, one of the directors, the liquidator, anybody connected with the swindling conspiracy ; but no. lam a man of peace, and ", there are such things as actions at law for assault and battery. I must snffer in silence, and assuage my outraged sense of justice by morally kicking myself. What riles and rasps me most as 8 contributing shareholder in the Conglomerated Puddle acid Muddle and other mining phantasms loDg ago gone bung, is that I am still being persecuted for calls—" calls in liquidation," Some of my fellow-sufferers, I see, are groaning and howling in letters to the papers; some of them allow themselves the gloomy satisfac'ion of being summoned to couit, and baring the " call" aggravated by law costs. Anger is brief mndncsa (vide liatin Primer); henca the peculiar behaviour of contributing shareholders who are paying "calls in liquidation." After all, the washing-up of our ridiculous mining boom is a trifle compared with similar obsequies in Austaalia. No eminent Duuedin citizen, as promotor or director of a swindling mining company, his yet Been clapb in jail; whereas in Sydney and Melbourne eminent citizens have been unceremoniously imprisoned, and it seems doubtful whether even the Agent-gtneral and the ex-Speaker of Victoria will permanently succeed in keeping out of the hands of the police. Let us be confoledl We have boomed and bust, it is

true, but not so badly as our neighbours. 7 Our boom, like the misfortune of Mairyatl's maid servant, is " only a little one." By-and-bye perhaps we shall be able to get back — not our money, alas, no! —but what ought to be more precious—our self-respect.

" Robert Jewnier," writing from Bellamy'^, Parliament House, Wellington, informs ms that he is there practising " under depreshicg snckum3taDce3" his "eredetry purfeshun —wiz., that of the nmble Waiter"— having removed from Dunedin, whence he last addressed me, to avoid the severities of our Southern winter: —

When I cum away from Hingland, ome, and buty in pursewt of elth at the Hantippodees my pore old guvnor he says, says he to me, " Robert, my son, there may be some littry gent in them far distant Mimes as knows your respeckled father from seeing my sillibrated lookabrashuns in Punch, for many years. If so, he will rejice to print any little efewshuns of yours for my sake. Remember, Piouerfc, that my littry mantel dowolves on you. Keep it np, my boy, keep it up! Also the famly spelling, which as bin admired and himitated by tha sillybrated Bizak Pitman and other hignoramuses, but without suckcess, threw not being ackwainted with the fust principles of the hart —wiz., my Goldenßule, 'When in dout selekfc the very s'impletonest spelling.'" This xcellont payrentle adwice I follared out emejetly after my arrival in Dunediu by communicating to Civis a deskripshun of 3 seedy pollytickle swells in a depreshed state of mind as I waited on in the Hotel where I had tempery employment on the night of the Bruco elekshuu. Soon arfter this, bein week in the chest, with panes in the lims, and thesewerrities of winter getting wuss and wuss, I kwitted your rhenmantic city, as I heard the Reverend Doctor Stuart deskcribe it in a speach, and proseaded north to Wellington. "Our rheumantic city " said the reverend gent, quite open and kandid, and aparently rojicing in the fackt. To this deskripshun I give my caudial assent; but if Dunedin is rheumantic Euttenly Wellington ain't no better. Neigh, wu3s indeed, destinkly wuss! But of this more 'ereafter; also of my paneful andhignoininius xperiences amung a seedy lot of Kulonial Lsjjislaters, most of womb don't know Dry Ock from Apollynaris Water, an whose favrit bovveridge is tea or Skotch whisky. What is ewen wuss still, and the indoobitubble sine of a debaged moral nature, not more than 1 or 2 in the hole lot has the instink to remember the pore Waiter. —I am, hetsettry, Robert Jewmeh.

After nearly three weeks' drip, drip, drip of Financial debate occ is in a mood to bo t'mnkful for small mercies in the way _of excitement. But a no-confidence motion that fizzles put in a night to the tuno of 39 to 21 is a mercy of such microscopical smallness that gratitude would be wasted on it. It's not enough to staitlo a mouse. Indeed the only element of interest it. possesses is as showing the extent of Parliamentary degeneration in the Rolleston ranks. Depend on'r, neither Sir Robert nor Mr Ballance would ever lead thpii men into the shambles in that way. What is the chief end of her Majesty's Opposition ? To defeat her Majesty's Government, of cour.-e. Todd and May are perfectly clear on the point. But suppose it can't.be done—what then? MaynudTodd are equally explicit: Avoid bsing defeated by the Government. However weak the Opposition may be, they can always escape defeat, by simply declining lo light. The art of the toreador He 3as much in avoiding the rushes of the angry bull as in goadiiig the angrj ball to rash. And if ha doesn't avoid 'em he gets .gored for his clumsiness, and the spectators shout -'sarvo him right" in pure or raised Oastilian. Even so in the political arena at Wellington. Iv teasing and tormenting the Ministerial bull the Opposition - showed considerable dexterity, and ws applauded them accordingly. But in the subsequent proceedings, dating from the rush, the dexterity is all ou the. side of the bull, and our applause i» transferred to bim as he tosses Mr Rollestoa, tramples on Sir John Hill, and paints the floor red with the rest of the party.

But if the no-confidence debate was adismal fiasco there has beeu no dearth of excitement in other ways. The p.)lit;.cil atmosphere has become distinctly electrical, and squalls are brewing and bursting every day. With Scotch perversity the Governor refuses to take hU Ministers' advice touching those Calls. Hence a crisis, with a reference to the Secretary of. State and a threatened dissolution—appetising morsels every one —for which we are duly grateful to his Excellency. Then the daily proceedings ot the House have suddenly beCDDie dramatic When not engaged in baiting the unhappy Speaker hon. gentlemen devute themselves to calling one another name 3 and interchanging the lie direct. Thu.=, a member gracefully suggests that; if a Minister isn't, lying about a certain matter it's because he was tco drunk to remember what took place a' the time. To which the Minister blandly retorts that at a certain banquet the member dined so freely that he was mistaken in the early morniDg for a Christy minstrel. It may easily be conceived that when debate is em bellished with such delicate allusions snd suggestions as these, the proceedings become somewhat animated, and the Speaker is liable to be laid up with complaint of the kidneys. It is noteworthy, by the way, that our Labour members (other than Mr B'ish) do not indulge in these amenities. On the contrary, they seem to comport thsmselves with an old fashioned decorum that is quite out of date with Ministers in esse and Speakers in posse. Now this defect comes bj cause—but how to explain it is beyond me. Temporary break-down of Parliamentary propriety under the dead weight of that dreadful Financial debate, which drove both the House and the country nearly distracted? Very likely. Then there's a superseusitive Speaker, devoid of humour and addicted to poetry—fatal defects both— who gives elaborate reasons instead of prompt rulings, and with an intense desire to be fair, succeeds only in being feeble. Thisl, also, may have something to do with i*.

Here is a pretty little specimen of what gees on in the House. During the progress of aa animated controversy between the Minister tor Lands and Mr Soobie Mackenzie (who seem to love one another with more than the cordiality of elit-Mnen) the latter made some polite allusion to wiitten speeches', whereupon The Minister for Lands gave to this statement a most emphatic denial, saying the hon. gentleman was making one of the most deliberate statements ever made to that House. It was not true. Mr Speaker: That is not correct. Mr Scobie Mackenzie : So you did. The Minister for Lands: I contradict your assertion. Such a thing never occurrsd during the past 12 months. Mr Scobie Mackenzie reiterated his state"'Xhe Minister for iands (with evident warmth): How do you know? Were you there ? . The Speaker again interposed :,.Hon. gentlemen must not address each other across the The Minister for Lands said he wished to have the statement withdrawn. The Speaker said that the member for Mount Ida roust withdraw. Mr Scobie Mackenzie said he was asked to withdraw by the Minister and not by the Speaker, and he declined to do so.-(Cnes of " Withdraw.")

The Minister for Lands : Then all I havo to say, sir, is that you aro no gentleman.—(Sensation.) Captain Russell: I move that these words be taken down.

The poor Speaker af"?r vainly essaying to make po ice, is toadui! into momentary and totally unexpected firmness. The Minister must withdra-v and express regret. This ho doe.«, as ungraciously as may he. and forthwith avenges himself by giving notice of motion to impeach Mr Speaker for his audacity. Again, take Wednesday's Parliamentary column of the Daily Times. ■ Mr Fisher calls the Speaker's attention to

A statement in the New Zealand Times that some of the notices on the order paper were a

disgrace to the House. ... Ho merely wished to say now that he would deal with that flippant joung person, the Ministerial manager of that journal, when the Libel Bill was before the House.

Presumably the reference is to some specially Fii-heresque notice of motion, and this is the specially Fisheresque fcrm of the retort courteous. " Tbat flippant young person" is of course the Hon. W. P. Reeves. Then Mr Speaker publicly abases himself before the wrathful Minister for Lands, and practically apologises for having dared to do his duty in calling him to order. Whereupon the wrathful Minister suffers himself to be placated, and magnanimously intimates that in the circumstances he is willing to overlook the matter and withdraw his motion. After this, Mr Billanco is baited by Sir George Grey over "those calls," and then Mr Rolleston and his brethren devote the rest of the afternoon to girding at the Government icr supphing news to the New Zealand Times in derogation of the privileges of Parliament. And this is what is known as " transacting the bns'ucss of the country."

There seems to have been an exceptional grimness in the election contsst just fought out iv England. Mr James Payn, in the Illustrated London New. 0, laments the dearth of election humour. In the old time, he remarks, the hard hitting that distinguished political life was tempered by epigrams, and even fun. All this seems to have disappeared. " Neither the Primrose dame 3 nor their fair antagonists are the cause of any pretty speeches. Nobody offers to light their pipes at their eyes, as in the case of the electioneering duchess, nor do they receive any encouragement to do so. Even the sister of serious Mr Wilberforce, when canvassing for her brother at Hull, indulged in a pleasant stroke of humour: when his partisans shouted 'Mis 3 Wilberforce for ever !' she replied,' I thank you, gentlemen, for yonr good intentions, but I do not wish to be " Miss Wilberforce for ever!"' One would have voted for that young lady's brother, whatever were his politics.^ A canvasser o( that kind would be worth a wilderness of caucuses; but the species seems to be extinct."

Tbu3 Mr Pajn, who, being a humourist himself, thinks humour a prime necessity of existence, and the chief thing of interest even in a general election. To a certain extent I sympathise with him. Frcm tha point o£ view of this column, politics and partiep, imperial or colonial—Home Rule for (reland and the M:Keczie Land Bill, the dismemberment of tha Empire_and the calls to the Council—are interesting or the reverse according as they do or do not afford material for Passing Notes. A : areful perusal of the papers received by the mail has satisfied roe that Mr Payn's complaint is in the main just. The striking feature of the election speeches on both sides is theiv "plentiful lack of wit." Both side 3 aie too much in deadly earnest, and grapple with fall intent of throttling each other. Small disposition has either to good-natured playfulness 1 One o( the best things that. 1 have discovered in-lhe records of the campaign is an incident of Mr Gladstone's candidature at Midlothian. A Mr Usher, by a series of nagging q lestions, had been trying to convict the candidate of approving the murderous Pian of Campaign :—

Mr Usher (rising again amid a further storm of hissing and noises) said : Then I understand that Mr Gladstone, under the cirenmstances, approves of the Plan of Campaign.—(Renewed uproar). Mr Gladstone (jumping np excitedly from his seat and pointing at Mr Usher): I have nothing to do with this gentleman's understanding. I am not responsible for his understanding.— (Loud and prolonged cheers.) I am responsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in this skull of mine, but I am not responsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in that skull of his.—(Continued loud cheering). Mr Usher then retired from the platform.

Well ha might 1 It would need a sliilf.nl questioner at an election meeting to take his change out of the Grand Old Campaigner. CIVIS.