A STUDENT'S WOES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 9117, 16 May 1891, Page 6 (Supplement)

A STUDENT'S WOES.

TO TUB BDITOB. Sir,—l think you take some interest in the question—which has been agitating this community of late—aa to why Otago University is so much less successful than Canterbury College. Indeed, I believe you have had artioles on this subject. And on the same subjeot you have had a good deal of correspondence at one time and another—of which I don't think much. Neither you nor your correspondents have got the right sow by the ear—that's the fact. Now that the controversy is over (for I hate controversy), and the matter at rest probably for another 10 yeara, I will give the true reason, whioh I have held in my hand all the time. The reason why the Otago University is not what is generally known as " successful" is this—that it does not separate its male from its female students ("males" and "females" are, I believe, the proper terms—a physiological distinotion sanctioned by the Education Board of Otago). Of course in Canterbury they have separate classes for the sexes. Am I sure of my facts ? I am never sure of anything. I am too modest. But of this I am sure: that my facts are quite as sound as those on which most of the explanations so far given have been based. My facts, then, being so satisfactory, the conclusions are irresistible. To point the moral I append a statement of my own mournful case—convincing, I think you will own. I apologise for its being in verse; but I can no other. My tears do not drop; they floio. I weep in numbers, for the numbers come. Leave it or lamp it.—Youts, *0., Plocohid. THH MILK IN THE 0000ANUT. I. Kind sir, came mix with mine your tears, For Fate has been abusing me; The maid I've worshipped true tor yeara Has faithlessly been using me. The briny drops obstruct my view— Constrained by sail necessity To think of Mary and the UJfiverslty, 'nlverslty. 11. Her dear, deir name is Mary Brown, A simple sound, but eloquent; Perhaps Jemima's more high-flown, Sophia, more grandiloquent. There's Angelina—others, too, In wonderful diversity; But give me " Mary" and the UHlvereity, 'nlversity. 111. Her stature t Just of my heart's height, (I've stolen that from Shakespeare, sir); For fairer, ne'er did gallant knight Put lance In rest, or break spear, elr—; And then toD-fnll of wisdom too, The wisest in this fair oity— She gets her wisdom at the UHiverslty, 'nlversity. IT. Her waist 1 No out of midge or wasp, Of ultra-slim tenuity,', But amply made, and meant to clasp— With, jet, no supetflatty. Her oheeks are roses washed with dew, Of suoh cheeks there is scarcity, Sure, none are like them at the vNlversity, 'nlversity. T. Perhaps you think my Mary's blue ? Oh, no I—except her spectacles; Her eyes are blue, 'tis very true, Of Love's darts fit receptacles— And then she can so softly coo, With polyglot diversity; For this they teach them at the UHlverßity, 'nlversity. VI. We patter Latin-her and me— Quite glib and unconcernedly, " Maria cara, amo te," I whisper to her learnedly; "Non credo. Hum me amas tv ? " She says, with tweet perversity; For that's the Latin of the UNlversity, 'nivenity. Til, And Mary's French 1b oomme il faut— " Bong tongl "—like that—Parisian; Not Frenoh of Stratford—atte—Bow, But purest Ohamps-Blyslan. I'm desolated, sacre bleu 1 To think how—tore adversity I— No more we'll parler at the UNiversity, 'Diversity. Till. Her German t Aoh dv lieber Qott 1 When I say—" Hertzchen, llebst dv mleh f" Her eyes say, though her tongue say not— " Ja, ganz und gar, lch Hebe diohl" For you must know that, owing to Pecuniary scarcity, They teach this gratis at the UNiversity, 'nlversity. IX. Psychology sha knows exactly, though at times she'll scoff at it, The Science of the heart—in fact She beats the learned Prof, at it— The source of love too well ohe knew For Bhe, in sheer perversity, M.T heart dissected at the UNlverslty,' nlversity. x, In subtle Logio Mary's there, The proper nail she hits it you, And when my Mary finds a hair, With what a graoe she splits it you I She'll prove you white Is black or blue, With wondrous perspicacity Because she learns it at the UNlvarßlty.i'nlvarslty. XI. The mathematics plague her not, When she her mind unbends you know. And figures 1 goodness me 1 she's got Them " at her finger ends " you know. For sines and co-slnes, tangents too, She shows a rare cat aclty; She practises them at the UHiversity, 'nlverslty. XII. Lecture or class we never missed. In fine or stormy weather. Sir; And there whene'er we fondly kissed, We pnt our heads together. Sir. The laws of Impact Mary knew, In all their mad diversity; Bhe learned dynamics at the tJ— Hiverslty, 'nlrersity. XIII. Bow Mary—passed with honours (third)— My fondest hopes Is wrecking, Sir ; She sajs she'll marry no •' pluoked " bird— She'll have some bird worth pecking, Sir. And to her speotaoles of blue She turns, with much sigaoity, Upon a " Baohelor " of tht 0— Xlvtrslty, 'nivarslty.