PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 6384, 29 July 1882, Page 4

PASSING NOTES.

(From Otago Witness

Tho Echo has been indulging in some sapient reflections on the war. A leader devoted to tho subject thus begins:— It shows that the relationship between England and her colonies ia in an uns itisfactory state when, without tho knowledge of tho colonies, tho Imperial Government can begin a war. This is cool; so is tho noxt sentence: — If tho relationship is to continue, there must be some provision for tho various colonies, having a vorce iv mattoH that may affect them. In other words, before making active use of hor fleet or army, JCngland must ask permission of Now Zealand and Australia, and the foreign policy of the Mother Country is to be dictated from tho colonies. Clearly a most satisfactory arrangoinont -particularly for tho colonies, For, why, asks tho Echo, — Why should we be liable to a war, with a nation, with whom we have no concern 7 (I may explain in a parenthesis that I quote tho Echo punctuatim. Tho pointing of tho two sontences last extracted is peculiar, out that may bo part of the argument.) Why should we—the peoplo of Mew Zealand—be liable to a war with anation with whom we have no concern? The "nations" with whom chiefly wo havo concern are Melbourne, Sydney, and the Mother-country herself. Manifestly, the British military establishment might be cut down to very modest proportions if limited, as it ought to be, to employment against the nations with whom we are concerned. If Britain won't agree to this very reasonable plan, she ought at least to <ivail herself of the advice which the colo'hies would bo prepared to offer on the intricate questions of European politics. Had Gladstone consulted the Echo, for instance, he would have been preserved from the blunder ef bombarding Alexandria. For, be it observed, the Echo makes no secret that this Egyptian war is "entirely wrong." The whole situation is summed up in three sentences—sufficiently oracular in their wisdom, as most of the Echo's sentences are, to be independent of grammar ; It is true that somo residents iv Egypt have been murdered through tho revolution in the ounlry. Unfortunately, murders are not rare, but because a Government is not able to put down crime is surely no sufficient ground for another people declaring war against a city. If this principle were applied to Ireaud, what would wo see happen ?

How ia it that the Echo cannot be persuaded to take a few elementary lessons in English composition ? With its broad and luminous conceptions of statesmanship, if only it possessed the power of expressing them grammatically, the Echo might come to be quoted in the council chambers of Europe. In that case, as tho editor remarks—" what would we see happen?"

Mr Gordon Forlong, like the Echo, has been moved to lift up his testimony on the subject of the war. What Mr Gordon Forlong looks for as the result of the bombardment of Alexandria is the advent of a Russian privateer, which engine of destruction is "to come sud denly to the Ocean Beach" and bombard Dunedin. Why a Russian privateer ? As we aro at wag with Egypt and not with Russia, the supposition in that form seems a little strained. But let that pass. Mr Gordon Forlong, who has written to the papers m«ra than once on this subject, has two fixed ideas —one, that the Russians mean sooner or later to lay siego to Dunedin; the other, that Captain Scott, Royal Navy, has been providentially sent here for the purpose of circumventing them. In tho "crisis" which is approaching tho hope of Dunedin will centre in Captain Scott. "Germany will be able to give us no naval help, and England would nave her hands too full in tho Mediterranean, &c," to spare a squadron for the Ocean Beach. By the mercy of Providence, however, when Germany and England fail us there remains Captain Scott, who, as I remarked some weeks ago, has tho good fortuno to combine a knowledge of gunnery with sound evangelical princi*pl»s. "If I mistake npt" (says G.F.), "one or two experienced men like Captain Scott, of the Royal Navy, could make it a dangerous thing for any fast-sailing cruiser to approach your coast, and the expense would not probably be equal to the destruction of even one of your great warehouses."' As for the expense— hang the expense, oi course. Nobody would grudge the redoubtable Scott any costs actually out of pocket in driving the Russians away. The essential thing is to get Captain Scott to take the case in hand. Mr Gordon Forlong's idea is that someone should call a public meeting— Governments, he says, are so slow—a public meeting, at which

Some able military—or better still, naval man— (Captain Scott, Royal Navy, as aforesaid) should tell the peoplo, (Ist) What could an enemy do jubt now ? (2nd) What hasty and immediate steps could be takon to warn an enemy off your coasts.

After such a public meeting the ' 'special contribution to ward oft war " would, as Mr Gordon Forking believes, be " paid heartily at onceJ' The money might be expended in providing Captain Scott with a cocked hat and telescope, and establishing him in a temporary observatory on Lawyer's Head to await the arrival of the Kussians, and "warn the enemy off our coasts," Probably it would merely be necessary to " warn " them that Captain Scott was here, and of that fact the gallant Captain, from his position on Lawyer's Head, could give them authentic assurance in person. That some such "hasty and immediate steps " ought to be taken there can hardly be a doubt. But shall we take them ? From the last sentence in his letter I infer that Mr Gordon Forlong believes we shall not. " Dunedin has one of the most experienced naval officers in her midst," he says—"yet Dunedin seems to be sound asleep !" Perhaps he may wake us yet. It is an historic fact that the cackling of geese roused, at a critical moment, the slumbering warders of the Capitol, and so saved Rome.

One of the greatest difficulties which the E resent Government have had to contend with as been that of counting their foes. One is reminded of the old story of the nigger who was set to count the cattle, and in reporting the result, declared he had counted them all but one, and him he couldn't count 'cause him run about so. The Government have had not one, but three wild cattle to look after. There was Mr Fish, for instance, who for some time "sat upon a rail"; and Mr Weston, wh.o, was looked upon as nearly safe; and Mr M. W. Green, with that troublesome conscience of his. They were all " kittle cattle,'' but at first were counted as pretty certain to give an " independent support" to the Government. They have all gone over now, and why ? Well, you see, the Opposition got stronger by gaining twoif not three seats—MrPilliet is stillalittle doubtful,— and a week ago it looked very much as if they would score a win. They didn't, but it looked like it, and it is always well to be on the winning sido, especially when there are cakes and ale to be shared by the victors. Mr Stout tells us that conscience is developed by our surroundings. Can it be that, remember, ing Napoleon's motto, " Providence favors tho biggest battalions," .tho conscience of our M w. G. went iv the same direction as Providence 1 He " went with the multitude," not, of course, to "do evil," but to serve his country. He was rudely told by Mr Bryce that the House did not want to hear so much about his conscience, but who can wonder that M. W. G. has a little pardonable pride in the possession, of so rare' a commodity ? Did he make that weighty decision a "matter of prayer," as he is said to have done the question of leaving his little flock here in the wildernessj, as sheep without a shepherd ? If he did, the oraclo in each caso answered, I have not the least doubt, according to his desires. The answer of his conscience was developed out of his circumstances' and surroundings, as MrStout says the organ itself is. There is an unfortunate suggestion in all this of the immortal Pecksniff. "If ever man combined within himself all the mild qualities of the lamb with a considerable touch of tho dove, and not a dash of the crocodile, and not the least possible suggestion of the very mildest seasoning of the serpent, that man was Mr Pecksniff, ' the messenger of peace.''.' I fear M. W. G. is too good altogether for that very sinful House. Fancy so holy a man rubbing shoulders with sinners like Mr Sheehan, Mr Fish, and Mr Vincent Pyke, and with sundry Freethinkers of Mr Stout's school. And from all appearance the Government will siirvivo his defection after all, which will be "the unkindest cut of all." Can his oracle for once have misled him when he inquired "shall I go up and smite these Philistines," and received for answer, " Go up !"

What is now to be done with Mr Quiii?1 Apparently we shall have to give him a public testimonial. He has been accused of every offence in the gamut of crime, from pitch-and-toss to manslaughter, both inclusive,—and has now been anatomised by two Committees of Inquiry, a Supreme Court trial, and a Royal Commission. Such a series of appliances for discovering and extracting the truth can hardly have been concentrated upon one individual since the days of the Inquisition. The final upshot is that Mr Quin, like Dickens' Joe Bagstock, is "tough, sir, tough !" Nothing is found against him, except that he has locomotor ataxy, an offence apparently not known to tho law. A person possessed of locomotor ataxy, I gather from the Commissioners' Report, exhibits insubordination of the lower limbs. Not to put too fine a point upon it, he is unsteady on his pins, and consequently suggests to "an ordinary observer" that ho is "under the influence of liquor." This is an important fact which ougjit to be more generally known—particularly iv police circles. How many an unfortunate may have been "run in "for drunkenness who has been guilty of no worso offence than locomotor. ataxy! On every point but this Mr Quin comes out as gold tried in tho fire. Tho charges made by his accusers, say the Commissioners, " have almost entirely broken down;" the Benevolent Asylum under his care is in "a state of efficiency " which shows "excellent management," and—what is moro —"at no time have any grounds existed for making serious charges against the management." Such being the Commissioners' Report, it follows that Mr Qnin for the last year or two has.been the most industriously persecuted man in the community. Clearly the logic of the situation requires that we should now present him with a testimonial.

One question occurs to me forcibly after reading this final page of tho proceedings in re Qnin. How many righteous men are there who could afford to put themselves to the same extent under tho microscope? How many would endure tho public scrutiny as well? This is a highly moral community no doubt— though somo JJimodin fanatic has sent £200 to " General Booth " to bring down upon us the Salvation Army,—bnt thoro are not many men in it, I fancy, who would care to bo investl-

gated, inquired into, examined, cross-examined, officially sat upon, summed up, and reported upon as the unfortunate Quin has been. For my own part, though I claim to be as honest as another, I should decline to have my integrity ascertained and certified to by a Royal Commission. I should prefer not to put the Government to the expense. Before consenting to submit, my public walks and private ways, my moral peccadilloes, and my physical infirmities to the public inquisition endured by Mr Quin I should have run the country. Domestic endearments would not havo^ detained me—nor yet professional emoluments. My children I should have boqueathed to the Industrial .School, Mrs C. to the Benevolent Asylum—whore, as all the ovioWice goes to prove, she would find a better home than I could ever give her. Thenceforth I should have dated my Passing Notes from the secure retreat of Texas or Manitoba. To be put whoro M. W. G. put Mrs Brittan —namely, "in the crucible " —would'nt in the least suit viy book. If by any mischance I were put in the crucible I am morally convinced that I should come out badly. Tho confession is, no doubt, a humiliating one. The only consolatory fact that I can think of is that my dearest friends, if subjected to the same test, would come out worse. There is only one man in the city about whose entire correctness doubt is forbidden, and that, man is Mr Quin. On second thoughts one would hardly like to offer a testimonial to him. The thing would be an insult. Mr Quin is the one man amongst us who has been weighed in the balances of two Special Inquiries, one Supreme Court trial, and one Eoyal Commission, and is not found wanting. Virtue thus stamped and hall-marked must be its own reward..

Among our gallant defenders we are, to number in future a cavalry corps. Wehear of hussar companies being formed in different parts of Otago. The dress and appointments look well, and horse exercise is healthy, and I don't see why our young fellows shouldn't amuse themselves in this way as well as in any other. As to any great addition to our fighting power from this source, one or two of my correspondents . are extremely sceptical, almost cruelly so. They say these gallant hussars couldn't defend us from an ironclad or a privateer, unless they could mount soa horses, and if the enemy landed, the wire-fences would be an insurmountable obstacle to the movements of cavalry. I am told, and quito believe it, that a wire-fence can t be charged by a squadron of horse without bringing both horse and man to grief, and that a party of infantry attacked by them could quietly retire behind the wire-fences and take pot shot at them while they vere looking for a gate ! The beauty of cavalry, however, is that the. commanding officer is tolerably safe. Here are some extracts from a pamphlet which has been issued from the head-quarters of the corps, entitled " Instructions to Troopers in the Field ": — " Contrary to customary usage, the officer in command will not head his men when the troop is charging the enemy, but will conduct operations from the rear. He should be able, unimpeded, to do a good deal of quiet slaughter •in this way." I think I should rather like that position in the rear, because if I found it getting too warm in front, I could, like the Secesh officer, who was a little lame, "go at once." The compilers of the " instructions " think it needful to give the following caution: — " When drawn up in line waiting the order to charge, rear-rank men are earnestly enjoined, as" they value their own honour and their country's weal, not to listen to the cajoleries or menaces of front-rank men conveying a wish to change places. Should they do so, the troop would undoubtedly be thrown into confusion. If your commanding officer saw his way to make you all rear-rank men ho would do it. But clearly this is impossible." That desire of the front-rank man to exchange place with the rear ranks is so human! And there is a touch of waggery about the suggestion of the commanding officer making all rear-rank men if he could. Another regulation tells the men they must on no account leave the ranks, not even to bring up reinforcements. This is very cruel, it is a task for which I, for instance, should feel myself peculiarly well fitted, and if I couldn't leave even to bring up reinforcements, I should feel myself cruelly slighted, and therefore don't think I will join. On the whole, I incline to think from internal evidence, that these "in structions" are not genuine, but have been compiled from the columns of Punch.

Testimonies to the remarkable powers exhibited by the medical clairvoyant who has just left us are numerous, A good many of these testimonies have been communicated to the newspapers. I am able to swell the list by two or three others till now unpublished. One gentleman, a well known citizen, who applied for advice, suffered from varicose veins, and was wearing at the time elastic stockings for their relief. The clairvoyant, having gone into his trance, read off the applicant's internal and invisible organs like a book—but said nothing about the varicose veins. Singularly capricious this clairvoyant faculty, isn't it? Another inquirer, also a well known citizen, was informed •that he was afflicted by distressing headaches, and felt a bad pain in his back. "But I never had a headache in. my life." he exclaimed, —" and lam not conscious that I have any pain in my back."—"Don't interrupt me," answered the gifted clairvoyant, "how can you expect me to go on with your case if you interrupt me?" This inquirer had pustules on his legs, but the clairvoyant said nothing about the pustules. In a third case —that of a citizen pretty well known in commercial pircles-the seer intimated that he had got a particularly good view of the patient's liver. " I see a number of yellow spots on your liver," said he, —" spots about the size of a. threepenny piece."—." Hang the liver," was the irreverent reply-^-' ■ tell me something that "I can judge for myself, Tell me now many teeth Ihave lost."—"Teeth!" answered the clairvoyant—" Well—ah—you sec, we don't attend to such details as the teeth!" Very possibly these little stories are not strictly true. They are as likely to be true, however, as some other little stories diligently advertised which put the wonderful powers of our clairvoyant and "phiscopasthist" in a different light. I don't much believe in the stories of either class myself. When I read that a paralysis of 80 years' standing, an intractable epilepsy, or a confirmed wooden leg, has yielded at once to Holloway's Pills and Ointment, Slesinger's Balsam, or Eno's Fruit. Salt, I reflect that the world is sadly given to lying, and "things arenot what they seem." The best evidence to the virtue of clairvoyance and "phiscopast}\y'! is that it raked in some £1600 from thgDunedui public in something less than sixteen weeks. So, at least the story goes, and that is a story, which —knowing my oountrymen—l am able to believe. ' ' ____^_____ Cms.