FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XXXIX, Issue 10957, 23 December 1911, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

Blobbs: So ho broke off the engagement, eh, Did she take it to heart. Slobhs: No, to Court. "Artist do vou call him? Why tlicre ~ only one thing he can draw properly. "What's that:"" "Corks." Judge: What is your name. \wwg Wife: Caroline Augusta Emma ? J«dg'\j And how are you generally called. Young Wife (bashfully): My sweet, duckv. „ ~ . ~ , Lodging-house Lady: But this fish rin't 'fresh. Fishmonger: An whose fault is that? I offered it to yer at the beginning of the week, an' yer woiikln t 'a.ve it then. The Match-making Mother (to her "difficult" daughter): lam surprised I you find him common, dear. I was told 'his father was a general. The Daughter: Sure it wasn't his mother? _ "Could! vou 'elp a pore man, sir? I'm a widower wiv ten little uns to looi: after." "But doesn't your wife look after the children ?" "No, she works in the steam laundry all day, guv'nor. Little Girl: Your papa has only g<»l one leg, .hasn't he? Veteran's Lime Girl: Yes. Little Girl: Where's h is other one? Veteran's Little Girl: Hush, dear, it's in heaven. "You look warm." " I have been chasing a hat." "Did your hat blowoff?" ""It wasn't my hat, it belonged to somebody else, and it. had a pretty girl under it." "Did you catch it." "Mistress (having rung for dinnerU Mary, you're very late with dinner, isn't it. ready? Mary: If you please, nuini. cook and me was just sending off our Christmas cards. We shan't lie long now.

"The fact is," said the fat man, "I married because I was lonely as much as for any other reason. To put i' tersely, I married, for sympathy." "Well," said the lean, man, "you have mine." "You hear what the constable says? When the prisoner struck you you retaliated ?' ' "Indade, 'tis a loie. yer Honor! I just put me fist in wan of his eyes an' broke his nose for him, an' that's all, sorr!"

Little Willie: What is the difference between a close • friend and a dear friend? Pa: A close friend', my son, is one who will not lend you any money, while a dear friend is one who borrows all you will stand for.

Scotch Sexton (who has shown old lady over church and followed her to the gate without getting a. tip): "Weel, my leddy, gin ye find when ye gang hame ye've lost yer purse, ye'll mebh:; mind ye d'idna' hae it oot here." Mrs Max: Can't afford to let me go t-i the seashore. "Why not? My Iward there wouldn't cost much more than it does here. Mr Max : I admit tha.t, my love; hut think of all the money I'd have to spend- entertaining myself In your absence." Little Tommy: I was awake when Santa Claus came, dad, Father: "Were you ? And what was he like, eh 'i Little Tom: Oh, I couldn't see him —it was dark, you know. But when he bumped himself on the washstand' he said Father (quickly): There, that'll do, Tommy. Get on with your mince-pie. Mrs Mulligan and! Mrs Doolan wore. having tea in the latter's house, and gradually the conversation veered round the death of O'Tooole, of next door."Sure, an' he was a good man," said Mrs Mulligan, "An' he left all he had to the orphanage over the way.'' "Did he now, an' how much was that." "His foive children," was the reply. "Say, Joe, you look pretty down in the mouth. Don't allow yourself to get too much cut up about your girl throwing you over. She isn't worth it, you know, old chap!" "You don't think I'm worrying over that, do you ? "What aggravates me is that she sent me back my engagement ring labelled: 'Glass! Handle with care!' "