WORSE THAN WHISKY

NZ Truth, Issue 539, 16 October 1915, Page 1

WORSE THAN WHISKY

No doubt 'tis true uh Bom« havo said Imbritty* n dreadful thins; When ovtrdoaed It turns the head— A caitiff, then, becomes a kln;c.

Uut what Is worse than cant or drink, With which in* Muorltender'ii curst. la \vh«n you'vt. not a drop of "ink." And have v. bi-unU-»wvv XXXK thirst

J'ar«on V. lhiU« was Imwlcd nv.-r >»v a utulor car m (.rhrlstohurrh t lu- i»ils»-r <lny and tak«:n In ttu- ht.pjjital. "ni< rtrht edition of ih.« "Kvi-iilnif (.«oxi«" > t'uibilMh«ril lt« rojMirt <»f«ih».- ucci^nt': undi-r lh.< "l-':ill«-ii iiiui WwumJi-il" h«.-»U- ; t«K. uHiiiiHy rvrtorvi U fur Ut«- Uitnlu- . !U?\W>i Iwrwt', Ami, iui iti'-nlallv. ih«» ' Tory ittK-tn lmui|»-tl l'uvM>ti Htil<- up *i ( I>H an lln' {io<-i:il pfiilc by ni.n!u>i)liis,' : tlwtt ut |h<? i:nt«- <i' tiw luciUcni l>»---wa« laJkinvj u> Sir K<tw»rti »;ti»l;«-r>. "Critic" vumJ<TH wh«-t>n^r thr "Ooxt" ; would have iTirnttMiH-U tu«> fact ir Mr. j Hule had biren conversing wlih j "Skinny" Macnumarn or Ted Howurd. j 'Course not! Who wants to know j wta Mr, Kuio't cobbont aro? I

j The dove of peace la having a hard , time finding a place to build its nest these days. I * * * | A Christchurch noospaper booms Marconi for having invented a device which renders it possible to see through brick walls. "Critic" always thought that had been made possible by the chap who invented windows. * * * A Christchurch woolbroker had the nerve last week to issue a double card on the Patriotic Trotting meeting. At the bottom of the card was printed, "All profits to go to the Patriotic Fund." "Critio" wonders who's going to check the cheeky double layer's cash. * i • Tho butter boodler, as he lays back In tho cosy recesses of the upholstered car as it drones smoothly along tho winding road, says "This is the Life," and the miner who consumes the concentrated cow-deuce among the dust of the underground production says "Phthisis the Death." * * * j A Southern dishwipe In its report of a court case says: I After hearing the evidence for the prosecution, counsel asked leave to amend the flea. If counsel had half the fleas owned by the dawg of a fellow "Critic" knows, he'd be glad to have the little bloodsuckers ended rather than amended. * * ♦ The "Grey River Haxgus" says: The injuries arose out of an al-> tercation between two women. A legal gentleman has assured "Critic" that the "Hargus" is wrong. It is "damages" which are caused and claimed by women's tongues as a rule — not injuries. * * * "Critic" often has wondered what was meant by the expression "High School." An advertisement m the London "Spectator" has let him into the secret. It says: Buxton College. Derbyshire. Is one thousand feet high. How's that for high. Mold Hengland Isn't played out yet and Uncle Sam's skyscrapers have got to go some to ketch up! * ♦ * George V.. unless his picture lies, Where workers have tho vote. Would not be chosen, for his size, To keep the Royal Goat. The Russian Tsar, his cousin dear, Is not W tall, please note; And never would be chosen hero. To milk the Royal GoaL But Cousin Bill though smaller still — In their eyes he's the "moto" — Is bom on showing, come what will. He ia the Koyal goiW. * ♦ ♦ "Disgusted," who writes la the Grey River "Argus," mtutt ho a pro-Oenn-hun scribe. lie sets out to argue that tho Citlxcns' Band h&s more right to be supported than the Battalion B&nd. He adds: My a.dvleo to those sporting bodies would bo to support those who. m our time of need, have helped to have the Empire? And isn't it that very class we do support? Evidently "Disgusted." like Ikny Mo', believes "the friend In neod is the friend wo bleed!" * » * Mtatf Janet Hogarth, an American authored Bays: , What are women put into tho world for? Why, to keep the men.' a heads straight. Kind hi dye, for your courtcsia, 1 won'er whit ye mean, then: Why wa« the boimle bllukln' c'« To Ilka lassie jjl'on, then? Their farms sue fair, their artless gait, Janet, Janet, Are feckless to keep men's held* straight. My Jo,* Janet! Noo (angles ne'er had been sue braw Were we supposed to epurn them; "Keen men's helda straight r wi»n ano an' a'. Ye leev© an' d«>e to "turn" them. An' gin we wed— -for recompense — Janet, Janet, Ye "turn" them In anlther sense, • My Jo. Janet! * ♦ ♦ Rce«nt cubic as v sign of the Chrls- { tian tliiu'-s: 1 Th« German aviator who kllWtd j ivko'-mI. i hi- ruinou* Fr«uch nvla- | iur, win receive an Iron Cross of i tho Klrat Ola«;«. Duo ceremony would. doubtlessly, bo ' u\)fiT\<J ami ft« appropriate text. i|Uol- ■ i>(l at »h«> Hun cwmmetmitiill&n *«*rI viiH'fl: Mik« 4 23 rh ., 41 ver»e, probably ; ' r,ir w< M'Ci'h'u ihtr <lu«> rnwnrdit of «,ur ili'i-<l!*'. k" 1 tt*!** frt'in hiHh iiinut ««jUiimr aiul'SH," This causes "Critic" lv .tui»;<- hid ' . "hrlatiaji lyrv wia h«* would , ' like i>» *»! rlWr" many others): ; How lit-Xib!i« our Chrl.nti.in law! If oin', wh«*»i wur «lotu t:«-aji««. Hiiuuld slay hit ft-UtiW-inujj m j b)On<l. With M'.'urd ut fuWilttg--5 jilec«\ VjA»» ii hJtjh h«'*lJ fitKttd to i>v»>' ih«j fmird«*r«»r'ji U)JI, i Whiif *«ftly pr;»>'* th«- trcmbU»«r j prlcßt \u purtrv hi« inintfd nsvjt. j Hut U-n wur ** *r* (lord I « done, j thrre followa thu inanity, A Cftjn why wi'ttm «Jhri*fi> hofy I , cro»B— vii<» «««i or Chrutlanlty.

Twins: Political Plutocrats and Plutocratic Politicians. ** * * With four aces m the pack. "Tis the sharpest man, alack! Who can't see the uses Of holding- two deuces. • • . • To say that a public mn« Is a man of goad sense Is a questionable compliment. Only very great men and very little men are permitted to make fools of themselves. ■ • • ■ • • The Christchurch evening dishwipes study their readers to an almost flnnlcky degree. Frequently a blank column appears under the heading "Lat© News." It's evidently Intended for the subscribers who can't read. * * : * ALIKE. BUT' DIFFERENT. A lltUo girl riding a byke, A little dog running behind. In what do we and them alike, Although not quite two of a kind? Both have the best of good humors. As they speed along like two ants, j And the little girl wears bloomers, And the little doggie pants. j * * * j When the Finance Bill was under discussion m the Houso of Representatives, Hornsby, M.P., said that one land-owner, whose ostato was valued at £40,000, boasted that he hadn't given a penny to any of the many war funds. This is the kind of creature one wishes to see sent to a certain quarter where even his £40,000 would be too little to procure him an iced drink! I . * ♦ ■ * The "Wulraxapa Rage" speaks of a man who was Slndlcted at the New Plymouth Supreme Court last week for having shot a cow. Well, a man who is sinful enough to shoot such a holy "ptmnl as a oow ought to bo "slndlcted. 1 ' A Wcikato paper says: Dr. Hugh Douglas, 17 years sur-geon-superintendent of Waikato Hospital. Intimated to the Hospital Board that m resigning, bis motive ; was quite a selfish one. He believed he could largely Increase his income by working as a consulting Burgeon. "Critic" reckons that the above l» only a gag. Is he after a Job with the Unfriendly Societies? • • • He was a Wellington man who had applied to the powers that be to bo included In the tunnelling corps which has volunteered to bor* holes Into Turk«y. His hair was fairly grey aad he gave his ago as 38. "How Is It, Gouger. that your tnu&tocho Is quite dark and your hair Is so grey?" Inquired the examining doctor. "Bll* mo, d'yo call ywrself a doctor an" don't know that? Why any kid In the street knows that me 'air 'as "aa twenty yearn' sum o" mo move. Why shouldn't it be darker * ♦ ♦ The "Spectator" say*: If Popo wero living now he might have written of the "Hew patriotism": — What can ennoble fools, or sou or cowarda? Alxm. not all the blood of all tho Howards! To which "Critic," wop knows somotbing of the Bohemian bo*rdinguou*u "life," says: What can enrage poor timid men or blowhard* More than tho blood l&'en by tho Norfolk Howard*. ♦ * * The "Temuka Bloater" I* getting that old gag oil lv bosom which tho "Sydney Bulletin" published during the urn« of the Doer war. It treats of tho lnilirterenco uf tho colonial "Tommy" for tho English oflJc*jr who wttm a muncclu. Ot course, to mako tho yum square with old tradition*. It la v mounted mun who, m unwwer to tin* windowed one, whipped his right foot out of the uiirrup. reached down and lifted tho Latter to hla aye, and In hi* beat imitative manner rejoined: "An Oatraiiiin — tny colonial utiib!" By (ho way. moat of the honteu were loft In sinful Stuidlnnd and there we not rnuny cabled accuuaU of cuvitiry chujrtitiM. I'driuipa it w«uj a mule lb» urtfimilao wo« riding. ♦ <¥ • When "Critic" quoted what th« W«l'rupo, paper «aid tho AuntrallAn Victoria Croufl winner had cullod the bltinky Turk*, he know thai the Jour- i nollaia of the wild wet and woolly j \V>*t Coaut would work thomnylve* into a whirlwind of envy and that ono ' or other of thorn would n natch iho Jimi [ opportunity to g«i i?von with th«»: I "Wfrl'rapu Rugo." This came tho i other day to thu eablu crammer of thd i "Grey Ulvcr Ai>;uj»" when bo received i Uio following me&mgv ; I PARIS, October i. ': "la.- VclH. PiUbknV* Jv>f(a c«r- --[ reajKindcM »uy» th«t C«-nnuny k in i urdur tp obtain ih<' w»l«>rv«t»tjon af Hutßurin. tfuurutiiwd tho nauiralliy vt circccv and ttoumuttni without I'Ully knowing tho uttitudo of « -Ulwr. ! iU'Ti> wax tt»« lanjj-luMHpU-ror»<-ujn«*-ni. l:»rtt opportunity, m> that ««lf-«aU*fl<jd Her ub 'tuiU or <>mi>haoc4lly and frankly h<:idod Mj« ftbov«: HOW THK If -h WKHK FOOI.KD. Tht* ?rMrr word vught $<> li»v»» bftim "Hi»)ffar»" but by Q* shore wan an 1 "h" of a USn'cr^nc** m ih« way ihc *ttsry "Argwi" man did spell li, and ' "Trutfr mui'.oi.

its "Commerce and £rade" notes the other morning the tired "Wmprf». said. "Meats Active." ITph, mustj»« mwo % ' . ■.» -- "Goats can digest anything thejH choose," saj-s a scientiflc writer. Qntta so, and a man -can digest anything* ha chews, only some ot it needa & darned lot of chewing:, * ■ ' * V.. ' * ' ■ A big strike having occurred til Kansas, a Noo Yark paper came^-ont with the following' headings: Workers Kick Vigorously. ; \ v What's Wrong with Kansas? " It all depends oa how -^igoroaßlyaaA workers kick. ' * . * ♦ '> j Tho "Denver Newß" yells oat ia -"bM 1 black treble column head lines: > i Business is Booming. T That's ail right for 'Murka. But lfrf | the boom of the bombing: busineaa In Europe that makes the bomb bushxaof m 'Murka boom. _j ♦ * *"'.■*■ An exchange Informs us thai:' In Now York swell restaurants - : chairs are provided so that ladiea ' may have their dogs sitting at | table with them. ? ) Dog-on-lt! that must bo -where wego< , our phrase "Putting on Ttagi- * ♦ * Tiie growth of tho Ring:, tho SjrndV cate, tho Comb Ino and the Trust has all but abolished Competition. Tho last voatlge of that Is to bo found among the workers — they still competo with each other for Jobs, although the. organisation of industry made Imperative by the war, seems to bo abput to abolish even that. *■ * * How the Chrlstchurch "Press" uo«4 things: A gorao flre broke out m. CJar- ; cnoe-road. IliccaKon, early thU morning, and blazed up very brightly for a time. Tho gorse lire which broke out and blazed brightly for v time, happened to be an eleven-roomed wooden houso which ilarud for a couple of hours and, then ceased to exist. ♦ » ♦ The clergyman of tho West of Sootland (says tho Glasgow "Forward") ore forming a Ministers* Corpa for Homo Defence. Monday morningn and Friday afternoons are «ot apart for drilling; rilto and bayonet practice wiA be taken up In earnest shortly. And there's soino as bucks tho sabre* And Borno thu shrapnel abeH, . But Parson backs thu buynit, f Tho bloody borln' buy nit, / That soada the Foe to 'Elll • • • \ The "Heaving Poat" says: ._£ All transport has been frrwwdetf up m ord^r to uncuro nuillciunt. ainmunitluu. J This "maxim" cannot b<> ahjurod: f • By thoao of zniUtury aklll: , Tluu aiiununldon maat bo cored l Before lf»uM>nt to maJru.an<l-kiH#4\ ♦ ♦ * * Tua other week "Critic" ccmploinaS Uutt the Englbih kuijjmi«« wojj m dsa-< gar of becoming offcrninato owing to wver-roflnCTnont by thu onvdiaittoa from our best llu'raiuro of nmny>oiO; virilo Saxon wordii. Tho "Sydney Morning Horuld" s«ouio m a Uls&bbQ hurry than ino»i to attain tfcb* ><joa»4 Uooablo end. Tbu other day izi.-<«natM-inn ahaiteapearo it sold: y. There is something 'wrcaurixi th^l^ HUito of Denmark. * , JS _" Now, that's simply d ■ m tattmnA/\.. i • • • • ,X The "Wairarttpa Wily l>tm«s*" «59043 ! For unconscious honor tho Q&~ j setto notice which txanafocms m. \ native to a Suropoan by «. acrmtx»'j of tho pen to dUUcult to oqasd. >• I^roin whut "Crltkt" can ipttbar-ahorfj some of thoau who apply tho -wbitw-t I waiili act of Mnnaey and Ca to tba ' Jtuid-holdiiiK Utiuurxs, thuru m xu> ! "honor," cuiisclouh or othoxwbje.. about their moUven. btnuigu nobody -wuzEtx to whitewash a brown bmd4er wbo hasn't got any land. Tetahl no* rureke ntwa atu. * * • Whilo a "couixnu" U not Juurt-aji lni-» poriuut (M » "coinot" lv Uu> oirinlun of most, (ho fact rtwi&lnn that a >«t«»t<wg; "cowet" la never miatuid, wMlo a. uilmaing "comma" may mako nun*»n»a oat 1 of the moat noiuilblo and ncriouu of oa*; rtra&rk*. Frmttn«, t'othor morntog m contemporary m a political leader taJOQ ConsultaUon la roforonco to> , ntjuuee k'gtiilution and admlniatrm^ t lion. f. Thcro wer« no commas ami "Critic** look it to moan thai iho l«"ltuu»oo Mm* Utcr was gotng to havo another con-i 'AuUaUon over nl» rocont rtnanctol loirulailon and tho »dn>ln»«tnuion of U»o «uttt>. With thin notloa Ju hu» napper liiu uuxt follou'iuu p!u*ft«mph« untuned iio him u> IttAit nvwher<j, Th«t; b«> b*I thought liinmvlf of tliat IHUu in«»un«n» ;ci»»u puuctunUou uiflrk— Uj« "comma" 1 ■ JIUU »J>pl> iI»K It to lltu ulK^Vo finUlitXiCtS | It taut (v thu w!>oi« column aii lllutum|atluK «flfvcl «kiusM lo thul of &.UX "coiikl." trih«u rw\ lUu«: I Contfult&uun In rpfcrt-neo to I rtnanov, }>'j?i«*la.Uwn, suid a«lminiH- | tratioH. Tbirt rl^hl of cotw»uHntiwn U '* nv^rred Wiottev u> tiii. Liberal l*»rty on ftil ilMQtili'on* ut kUv jjrnvrat (tunctio&j* ot Uovcrnmcnt, ;m t» o^odltlon of th«» pnrty truer. Kfapit, but U »««rw to •Cruse" there* mom than iho "comma" U'tvunUntt that uecouau for tim confutivu lit pouuoai au«te v gmt*