"Silence it, the Coort!"

NZ Truth, Issue 252, 23 April 1910, Page 1

"Silence it, the Coort!"

Counsel ; "I believe you come from America, 6r> rather Ohio-" ••---- , ".■' .i : ■ ■ • • Counsel : "Did you come by all this personal damage at the hands of accused ?" Witness : "No— his feet." ''.'■■■■• '•.'■"•. Sergeant : "You say you are a quarryman, but- that may or may not be true. Where were you working last ?" Accused : "At Lyttelton." Sergeant: "But; whom did you work for?" Accused:' "The Government." ■. "■'• • • First counsel : "These people m America know so little about geography that they address this envelope to 'Dunedin, Great Britain.' They apparently think Dunedin is m Great Britain." Second counsel : "The people of Dunedin think they're the best part of Great Britain." •■---- ■ •■ • ••■ • • • ■ ' Counsel:. "How often do you use this cart ?" Witness : "Oh, not often." Counsel : "-'Well, give us a rough idea—do you use it once a month or once every three months?" Witness: "Oh, no." Counsel,: "Well, how often ?" Witness : "Not often—l might use it six times a week." Magistrate: "You say you are a sober man, but last night you were picked up put of the gutter m a state of helpless drunkenness. How did that conic about ? That's not the way a sober man carries oio." Accused ; "Well, v your. Wor-. ship, I get drunk sometimes, but at other : times I'm sober." ■'• - • .^Magistrate : "I object, Mr Blank, to tlte . vfay •• you are cross-examining tihe wit-^ ness." Counsel : "Your Worship, 1 thiak, : must have cross-esamined the same way! when you were afc the Bar." Magistrate: "Your case is different, v Mr BiaEk'. 1 was appearing before a magistrate who didn't know anything about the rules of evidence." j Counsel : "Wien you attempted to. kiss complainant, what did she say 7" Witness : "I drdu^t hear what she said, and llEd heard her I wouldn't repeat her remark to a sooney Sonny Jimmy like you." Counsel : "Your Worship, accused has no license to speak to me m that way." Magistrate : "That is so. It. sounds very like siy-grog language." Counsel: ■' "You drive for a living?" i,Wisness: "No, I'm a drover." Counsel: ? *weil, you drive sheep for a living 7": Witness: "No; I drove." Counsel: "Do: you mean $bat, yon .used fco drive. .T* Witness : "No ; I drove now." Counsel : r "H'mph ! What dooe your brother dp ?" Witness: "He's got a timber contract." Counsel : "Oh, he's a bush faller. ' Wit;ness: "He^ a bush.'Mler." 7 ■■...■'• • ■ ■ ■ Magistrate.: "Are you thoroughly sob-.-er?" Witness: "Yes, your Worship;"* Magistrate: "Haven't you been drinking ' ihis mornmg 3" Witness :. "Qh, yes, I Lad a few drinks." Magistrate : "How many?" Witness : ''Oh, not many." Magistrate : "But how many?" Witness: "Weß, about eight." Magistrate : "I 'should say that was a good many." >SWfc- r ness: "I wouldn't reckon I'd had -a good, many until I lost count of them." ■ ■ ■ ■ ' ■ . ' • * At. the inquest— Coroner : ''You say you .saw deceased come down to the shed to :ts&e up., a dynamite cartridge to where tiie blasting was going on. Did he take any precautions to see that tke cartridge didn't explode on the way ?'' Vvitness : "Yes. .He said, /"There's that pesky cap, and it's ten to one it 11 get set off as I'mgoing up. I'll just give it a bang with a ; hammer and then it'll be dead and Fatiier Peter won't set it-, off.' I didn't see him alive again after that." ■■■■.*■';'■• • • • Gamp fciiuant : "We wete -having a drink, ■together m the hotel. I showed him a sample of benzine I had m a bottle. He. said : 'It smells bosker.' I said : 'It 'smells r<*tten.' After some more words he .landed me a oner on the nose." Magistrate : "You were very foolish to argue about such a matter. Don't you kno\y of the old Latin saying that it's impossible ■ "to" argue about a matter of taste?" Complainant: "But 'this was a matter of, smell." • m ■ • Sergeant: "The accused .stole this um- ; breUa and sold itito a pawnbroker. She told the pawnbroker she wanted a little cash to p&y a fine imposed on her husband for drunkenness, to enable him to. earn some money to keep her four little, children from starving. The pawnbroker, said the umbrella wasn't any good to him, but that he woufid give her one and s thr6epencc for it." Magistrate : "I suppose he thought he was doing a good action, and tuat he was entitled to a little credit." Sergeant: "Oh, no, your Wor- ; ship, he paid cash on the nail." •. • • Magistrate : "How much whisky can a man drink ?" Witness (.a hotel proprietor) : "Oh, it varies very much. Some men are 'dead out' alter three nips, while others can drink two bottles .a day 1 easy." Magistrate : "Well, is it possible to believe accused when lie says that all the whisky which was sent to him m this no-license town, which works out at six bottles a day, was for his own use ?" Witness : "I don't believe he could drink six bottles a day. I knew a man who drank four bottles m one day. He's dead now, though."