JIM THE MILKER.

NZ Truth, Issue 111, 3 August 1907, Page 4

JIM THE MILKER.

Under the Nobody Can Do It But Me Act.

Since the new tarif lias been before the House me and the bosses wife has been pestered by blokes coming to me, many of them leading business chaps asking if I would use me influence with the Ministers this way and that way to get redress for some torn fool racke+ well I ain't on. Then again the e&iiimates, it has been a regular little hell. Many civil and uncivil servants come to me with their hair on end saying Professor could you not get me an advance on me wages ? If you cant the bosses wife might. Well me joeker how much splosh do yer get a year ; Five hundred quids. Well wot do you want to trouble me and the bosses wife for ? Yer come under the Nobody can do it but me act, and yer get it at once regularly. Be off. The coves I want to assist are men with small wages. They dc-nt come under the Nobody can do it but me act. and such being the case yer might as well expect to see a parson m the Kingdom of Heaving as to get a rise m your ; screw. And I tell them one and all, go and chew the lug of a Minister of the Crown and ask to be rated under the nobody can do it but me act them, you are all right. T4i>e mob of bloaks coming to me house is enough to drive a cocn wild. Re the tarif, Madam intends to deal with this matter soon, spuds and flour included. The other day a big fat cove came to me qffice axing me to bring him under the act aforesaid. The same joeker was run over the other day. Yer would notice the case m the perlice court : he just hadi time to open his mouth when the bosses wife bashed him m the face with a slice of ham, at the same time giving him the sole of her •fut. Yer should' have seed that cove fleeing for his life. I tell yer that the bosses wife can recon them up, my oath. Me under secretary handed to me this morning a list of coves that come under the nobody can do it act. It speaks for itseif with a loud voice. I enclose it without comment, but it shows that some coves under .the act can do like the whale that swallered a chap that dealt m fish^ Iv heard his mime was Johanh. He was a Dutchman. Chief Advisory Officer . Workers Dwellings £50, also Chief inspector of Factories £450 ; Officer m Charge of Messengers Government Buildings £250, free house, lighting), etc., also Fire Inspector £50 and travelling; expenses, and Supervisoi Messengers Government Insurance £67. ; Secretary Treasury £800, Finance Member Council of Defence. £100, and Registrar of New Zealand Consols £50 ; Commissioner Land and Income Tax £700, also Valuer Deceased Persons' Estates £100; Secretary Tourist Department £350, also General manager £350 ; Chief Clerk Industries and Commerce £75, also Chief Clerk Tourist £3 25 ; Chief Clerk Mines Department £325, also Secretary Board of Examiners under Mining and Coal Mines Act £50;, Colonial Analyst £475, also Public, Health Department £95 ; Certain officers Government Life Insurance who also draw salaries fqr the Accident Branch. These multiplicity of billets don't mean that, they have to work longer hours, m point of fact they generally arrive at work after the other Clerks, and leave early,, but as a rule they are thoroughly familiar with the nobody can do it but me act. It would be interesting if a member of Parliament could secure a return showing the various billets held and salaries received by some of these jokers'. Now'l am almost fin-, ished with the nobody can do it but me principle, and it would be all right if they could do it, but as a rule they can't do it at all. If they could do it they never will do it. They make the other coves do it. It is good fun to see ths side these same customers put on. Yer would think they were Napoleon the Grand. Only Napoleon was a man of huge brain power, whereas the jockers that come under the Nobody can do it but me act are mearly remarkable for their cuffs and collars and want of brains. Judging from the enclosed list of the nobody can do it but me it is reasonable to suppose that most of them would have been better employed m wh^elinc; o. barrow full of pertaters through the streets and' giving poor coves a charnce to cet spuds withought having: to so to the hell fire Cliinaman. or the dirty childVilline;. •tvaw-sweatin.Ti. %wife-thump-ins:, cow-baching, milk-watering cheat tlie gallows rogues, alias the noble farrier alias • tlie badfboTiP. Yus. it wovltl be a srood: job if they were all m h^il ko fur os the country ' is concerned. Old Massey might bf chucked m with the rest ns n. make-weight. ,TTM TTTE MTT.KER.