PERSONAL PARS.

NZ Truth, Issue 65, 15 September 1906, Page 1

PERSONAL PARS.

' LeiYie Harris ■ the -sdoiety entertain,^ er, tells a tale (off the stage) about, a Scotchman who went a friend |or '.'Say , when ! " said Vthe. .firaen^v"Ali' said; When," added, the man%pm bey brid Tweed, recounting the 'Mbidenjt, "an' tha' mean gommeril?stoppit powrin' !"

It is alleged that; Dr. McArthur is about 'to take proceedings against the "Lyttelton Times," for libelling him m its comments on the clash between the S.M.— sitting as an assessor m the wool-fires enquiry— and Mr Turnbull, that created such a painful impression here, the other day.

Dame Rumor has it that a gentle-, man connected with a Government department has gone where the wood•bine twineth?arid tjiat vquite a bunch ,0?' creditors are, beginning to take a (keen i^teresivMn the possible date of this reappearance among the sawn jwood, sjone forests..

3 Ell, •M.H.Rp says that /by opening pufolid offices on racecourses 'the &6verninent converts the tele-, graph ivinto public tote shops. Oh, EIM, B§nft the silly old girl know tha!t ho^se-racinK is a trade, a business, »justiAas. much as speculation m, crops' or |^ith the fruits of other men's 'iabot, JV; as commission agency; business v to \j7;it. '

. When, jsittj". tommy tailor and their lousy, white-liv-ed - gang bumpuup. against the anti-no-license vote ne^t- election, they-* go down and oufrvwlthout knowing- what hit them, Thf(* people have teen,restored to sanity fty the drastic nature of the vlaw#v thrust upon them by these wauld-be ? autocratic rulers who Tyrant tbifpeasure every." main's life by their own miserable rule. What is an 'indecent picture, anyway ? One of^these much discussed articles fdrmed\ the subject of a prosecution aJ5 v Dunedhi lately, it having been sho#n pe^femutpsicope . Widdowson^ who. is an ; ex-Christchurch lawyer, and^^pre'tty sultry cove on the bench, dismissed the case. This didn't sa|isfy-v : ;the police, however, and novjj r «shey are appealing. , Some police jossers ajppear to be very,T>adm/aded pj^ple.^i •' ! ;^here is; young female person in'- Wellington; "^hb is not/ unconscious of' her charms of person orv else is ; sublimely^ Sihcoiisciousv' of wflo Venus w4g and 'f%hat ]ier attributes- for undef;. the name^of ;the?:beautiful godd|ss; of.^ve v a J rid consort of Mars; ! (^d Mfer god blokes) she; ; ad?7er|ise| Vfbir i^'pqsition as nursery ■ | gd^rnegsV^.Nbw'.-;" children were not Venus' Tbpg '.pm't, but lowers — ! OK, fie, Venus, dear, fie I

If such an attitude as that taken up by those •damned, sour-belliefi, waterbrained wowsers who compose the Christchurch Licensing Bench, were adopted m America, people would grin sardonically and ask : "How much are they standing out for?" or say :

"Gee, they must be grafting for a big rake off, this time !" Let us charitably hope that nothing of that sort is animating the Spartan rigor of our dean brethren m the city, of churches.

It is only recently that Wellington; has had street fruit-hawkers, yet already they have knocked poor, dear Wun Lunc and Tyi Sin dreadfully. One chinky fruiterer m a "big way of biz. stated the other day that they had already made a difference to his trade of fully £25 a week. This is quite pleasant hearing, but it is to be hoped our local barrow men will not adopt the villainous tactics of their Sydney brethren, who for roguery and trickihess beat even the ; dirty shop dagos of that big; smiling village..

. The false packer of wool lias Ijeen denounced by Dr. McArthur as a schemer, .and a fraud and other things too numerous to mention). There appears to be a, good deal of false packing done m Canterbury, the home of wool kings and all sorts of thieves who deal' m that line, but we never hear of them being prosecuted. Why? Are ' the ' cases "squared,"' or what happens? These, rogues 'should 'be shown up every time. The false packer is , the villain who places', bags and things m the centre of a bale of first-class wool with a view of diddling the buyer, and he is a nice crass of person to escape the punishment he so richly deserves. In one case not long ago some fool lawyer tpld\a victim of the false packers wiles tha4> he had no remedy at law against the fellow . because he hadn't paid for tne wool that he had bought. An amazing and, thoroughly wrong decision, because offering falsely packed wool for sale is undeniable fraud. It's a pity that some of these scoundrels weren't brought up, .with a round turn, ....

Post Mason,-, the, sleet-haired Van* kee bounder- who brought would -you:; care tq ; hear the low buzz of the be*' m the^hade of the old apple tree,, and such, |to Horsetralia, has beett running a show of. his own up m» Queensland and has persuaded, a; charming young Brisbane - girl, named Moran, to marry him. Poof fool ! Mason seems; with his preacher face, sleek, hair and impressive,, loyer-like manner of sinking sad lovrers' lays, to make -absolute slaves of the * women, and he'll keep right along} doing it, married or not. It is to. be. hoped he had not already a wife or tw.o knocking around in.the Yoiuiited: States, but it is extremely probable,;

Dr t Sheridan, the Sou'stralistn abor-, tionist, who had such a narrow es-i cape over the pitiful death of a sweet young girl, only a few months ago, is missing, and the dead body of an* other girl has been found m his: rooms.' Evidently the clumsy scoundrel had operated on her and she bad succumbed ; and rightly figuring thai/ this was his finish if he was once pinched, he stole away and left th» pitiful- mute, witness to his infamy-— incompetent— even m that— to await tardy discovery. It is highly imprt*bable, though, that the fellow will escape, for, even' if he got away by one of the big liners, there ( is the caT)le and -the waiting detective at the other end., , . r '

Since the announcement of Harry, Pearce's return to this section of t?h« mud ball called the earth, was mad* m "Truth," tte has had ample demonstration "of the wonderful circulatida of the paper, for letters have.pou.re* m upon him from; every centre $ntf from the remotest corner .of hpth. islands. And they are funny Turds, these strong and anxious-tol-J)e strong" bloke?. One bf them modestly wro?*' (received last Monday) that he wished to join Pearce at once as a pupil or as an exhibition wrestler, so as t* enable .Mm to win at Christo&iicjaf exhibition. -That 's modest 'anyway.

A' Bulls correspondent .^writes :— Re, 'John Burke Ofßrien doing things that/ are iqueer^ I &n reniinded of the following: Some years ago during a dry summer Jqhn-Buiike was making an», of 'his then periodical tours or than provincial towns 'and duly alighted onr this village. .His nocturnal address was mostly "oaie of Mrs Greenfield," and one v morning . about. 5 o'clock,! when the rouseabout of the Rangitikei Hotel opened the front door, ha found John Burke, who'had filled the wa/ter trough m i.front'lof the hotel, enjoying his morning dip therein. Water was scarce and Charley James, the puhlicaai (well-known m Wellington), was so .disgusted that after breakfast he nailed several strips of batten across "the top of the water trough, which are there still. .

. He blew m at the stately ,portir-' of the main, hall and stood' beaming and waggling his kid-stakes crutches^ and it happened to be the editor who* asked him what was doing. Had he a paper he could spare him, was the gist of the reply. ..Why,, cert., if he held a tray_. Oh, but he always got ' a free, copy. Why ? inexorably. That feazed . him but he smiled patriarchally, and said, "Oh, I write to this paoer. I am 'Constant Reader.' " " That so ? And 'Pro Bono Publico?' " " Yes. " "And 'Pater Familias ?' " "Yes," confidently now. "So glad, always wanted to meet him; and so you're all him. How unlucky my gun's at the repairer's. No cash.no paper. We're not m this game for our health. Stop that draught from the outside ; mind the step ; shoo !" And he shooed.

There is a good deal m the ivory and. the gum-digging business, more than one would imagine. There's many a finely toothed lady floating round who has lost nature's consignment pf chewers, and. taken on. some- • one else's at' a price. And sometime? she is' liable to be misfitted, and then she can't do anything much wifch, them bar wear them for- ornament, and smile m the street to show their beautiful » whiteness. A Christchuroh woman went m for an eight guinea set lately, rather "strong" for a set of molars i; they looked all right but she found she couldn't chaw with , them. So" her hubby, Thomas Ereritt, refused to part up his good gilt. Then a summons arrived, and he defended the case when it was called on at Court. He stated why h« wouldn't part up, and the beak demanded to see the lady ana tha false set, but neither happened to b« on the premises, and this drevr a. comment from the bench that thay should have been. At any rata Dentist Hope (E. of that ilk) at this stage promised to remedy the allege* defects, so judgment went for hint for eight guineas, the S.M. remarking that when defendant ■ "brought th» teeth m to be altered he shouia brinft fais .wife t too., ;'