ODDS AND ENDS

New Zealand Times, Volume LIII, Issue 12394, 13 March 1926, Page 19

ODDS AND ENDS

First Actor: "I am getting along. Somebody has named a cigar after me this Chylstmas." Second Actor : '?I hope it draws better than you do." - "And," concluded the meek husband; after he had at last Ventured a mild protest, "I would halve you know, Mary, that quite often I am not a man to be trifled with 1” "Your haii' wants cutting badly, sir," said- a barber, insinuatingly, to a customer. 'No, it doesn’t,'' replied tile mah in the chair; "it .wants butting, nicely. You cut it badly last time.’’ - “I see your nephew has found his fate at last, Colonel. I hope it is a lovematch.” Colonel: "Of course it is. When a girl has got ten thousand ia year, you can’t help loving her.” : Schoolgirl (at the telephone): "Father, do colne home. I’ve mixed the plugs in some way. The wireless set is covered with frost, and the ice-box is singing, 'Shqw Me the Way to’ Go Home’," “Henry," said Mrs Glipping, in tearful tones. “Well, my dear!” replied Henry, looking up from the paper. "What is it ? - "If I were to die to-night, would you marry again?" "Not to-night." He rushed into the room where his wife was sitting. “My.dear," he said, excitedly, "gu69s what's happened! InI telligence has just reached me- — "Well, thank heaven,. Harry!” she replied, rushing to embrace him. "I think, George," said Mrs Bints t.o her husband, "I'll ask the people next door to have .dinner with us on - Sunday." "Why?” asked the husband, “Well, the butcher left their meat hero by mistake, and it seems only fair.” ■ Examiner: "What is ordinarily used a« a ooriduotor of electricity?" Pupil (thinking hard): "Why, er-r-r-r- — "Correct. Now tell me what is the unit of. electrio power?” N'The what, sir?” "Very, good! That will do!” Professor (to hij old cook).: You have now been in my service for; twenty-five l years As a Toward for your true and faithful/service I am naming a new bacterium/after you.—Klods Hans (Copenhagen).