MERRIER MOMENTS

New Zealand Times, Volume LIII, Issue 12394, 13 March 1926, Page 19

MERRIER MOMENTS

“What's your brother’ doing now?” “He's a joiner.’’ “Sort of carpenter, isn’t it?” “No. When he sees two fellows having a drink he joins them.”

Visitor: What nice furniture. Little Roland: Yes, I think the man we bought it from is sorry now he .sold it—he’s always calling.

•'-*** ■ • . “They say Robinson is becoming a great orator.” ’ “Well, I’ve heard him speak only once, but, it was certainly a treat to listen to him-” “What did he say?” “What'll you have?"’ * « * •

A musician was trying to telephone to a firm of music' publishers- Thinking he had been given his number, he said: “I want Beethoven—Op. 243." ’‘Number engaged," said the girl in the exchange. * * * *

"Willie," ,said mother, "I wish you’d go and see hqw old Mrs Jonel is to-day." Willie (returned): "Mrs'Jones Bays its hone of your business how old she is."

Mrs Jay: “Has your daughter had a good musical education P” Mrs Kay: "Rather; name any gramophone record, and she can tell you what’s pn the other side.” * .» ... * ■

He' (after being kept waiting by consistently unpunctual sweetheart): “Well —I suppose I shouldn’t complain; so far, you’ve always got the day and the month right.”

* * • • Encouraging Miss: "My mails his fortune, when he was a young man. Would you like to know how he did it?" , Suitor: "Not particularly; but I would like to know if he has still got it."

« • • • , Mr Langley: Ah, they have just dropped their anchor! Mis Langley t Dear me! I was afraid they would. It’s been dangling outside for time! * '*' .. » *

The same instructions may be given to the plump and to the leap with beneficial'results guaranteed, to wit: — Advice to the thin: Don’t eat fast. Advice to the fat: Don’t eat. Fast. • • " *• •

"Onlv live years ago I started with our firm at a pound a week." said Hewitt, “and now I earn ten pounds a week without: trouble." "lirs easy to earn that,” ' renlied Ncwitl, "but how much-do you get?" ’ * a a «

A budding author sent his first play to a famous actor-manager, with a note which ran: “I’ll bet yon a pound you don’t read it all through." By return of post the author received his pla;fr with a pound note and the brief reply, ‘'You’ve won.” ' * * * *

Sam Jones was on the spot trees the explosion occurred. He was.blown up, and they culdn’t find any trace of him. When his wife called, the foreman said quietly: "He's gpne, mum/” ; "Gone?" she said. "For good?" “Well, in that direction," said' the forenan.

• . -• • ■ "Tell' the. court where yon were at 5.30, Wednesday" December 16th,” demanded the prpSeentor. ,"I was in Pukekohe," was the reply. "Ah! And what were you doing?" "I was asking a man a question,” was 1 answered.

Indeed! And how do you know it? was 3.30? insisted the lawyer. , “I was asking him what time it was." , ’ . A coloured ’man was whitewashing a fence. A passer-by watched him a while and asked: “Sam, why don’t you get a brush with more bristles in it?” "‘Wha’ fer?” replied l the aged and contented worker. “Why, if you had a gor.d brush you cquld dp twice cas much work.” Yeh, but ah ain’t got twice as much Work to do!’’ - • • • • Jimmy, aged 13, finding the girl problem a bit too much for him, confided his difficulties to a. chum. “You SCO,” he explained, "I've walked home from school with her three' times and carried/ her hooka; bought her an ice-cream once, a ginger-beer twice. Now, wliat do you think? D’you think I ought to; kiss her?” His’chum pondered the matter. “No,” he decided, finally, “you don't need to; You’ve done enough for that girl." •** ■ ■ . Buttons (arousing the guests): . "Get lip: Get upl Tne hotel’s’ on ' fire 1" Thrifty Scot: “Right, laddie; but if I do, mind ye. I’ll no' pay for the bed." f