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New Zealand Times, Volume LII, Issue 12181, 4 July 1925, Page 16

The Skipper : ."This boat makes fifteen knots an hour.” Uhe girl: "Who unties them ?” Customer: "Can vou tell me what I can do to avoid falling hair 5 ” Manicurist: "Jump out of the way.” "My wife always kisses me when she wants ftome money.” "Well, she certainly earns all she gets.” The best man, noticing a rather melan-choly-looking guest at the wedding, said: "Cheer up, old man. Haven't you kissed the bride?” "Not Intel.-/' caui? the sad repif. %

Grandmother: "Johnny. I wouldn't slide down those stairs!” Little Boy; "Wouldn't? Why, you couldn't!” Mrs Pwift: "Doe- she intend to marry again-'” Mrs Swifter: "Yes, she’s going to get her 1925 license to-morrow.” He.: "Don’t you think my moustache is very becoming ” She : "Well, it mav be coming, but it certainly hasn’t arrived yet.'' Tourist: "But what do you do bore when you’re lonely?” Mountaineer: "Oh, I shoot at ©l' Bill Ccroggiiib down in the , valley."

"Ah, the Americans arc a funny lot. Once in the train as American got in and put hi* feet on my lap.” "What did you do?” "What could I do? I don't know a word of American!” Employer (to applicant for a position, who has handed in testimonials from two ministers): "We don’t work on Sundays. Haven't you a reference from someone who sees you on week days?” Little Willie: "Uncle, does father like to watch you playing football?” Rich Uncle: "What an idea! I don't play football.” Little Willie: "Well, I heard father say that whenever you kicked off he'd quit working.” Boasting of his success, he concluded his speech with the remark that he had entered the town with only half n crown in his pocket. "Yes,” came a loud voice from the back of the hall, "but there were other people's pockets ” "I wonder how our candidate will pan opt ns a campaigner?” "He'll be all right. He films well, and has a fine voice for broadcasting.” "Why do you stare at me?” "Father says you're a self-made man!” "Well, whv stare?” "I'm wondering why jou made yorrself like that!” A Frenchwoman recently looped the loop 212 times in just over an hour. It is wonderful what some women will do to move in high circles. Sybil: "Yes. she said I was too ugly ever to rnnrrv.” Lnvinio : "The, little boast! Still, that’s better than telling lies about you, isn’t it?’-

Teacher: “Which is the largest diamond ever known? Scholar: "The, ace!”