Page 3 Advertisements Column 2

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXVI, Issue 6282, 31 May 1881, Page 3

I Elect from every nation, Yet one o’er all the earth— Her charter of saivation One I orrl, one Faith, one Birth. One Holy Name she blcss-s, Partakes one Holy Food, And to one hope she presses With every grace endue 1 .. “Young men, the ‘Chinch’a one foundation’ is all right enough, but the Court fails to see how you are ‘ one o’er all the earth,’ but quite the contrary ; fails to find your ‘ one faith.’ You have too many faiths, too many creeds—doctrine piled insurmountably high upon doctrine. All wants boiling down, simplifying, and commencing all over again de novo. Church of England, Church of Rome, Greek Church, Presbyterian, Wesleyan, Primitive Methodists, Baptists, Independents—the whole crowd ad eandem, Popes, Archbishops, Bishops, Yen. Archdeacons, Reverends, etc., etc., all want boiling down. Any of you object to ba boiled down, you can clear out and get away to the Poles till tire storm is over.” Rev. Coffee rises to address the Court. The ex-.T.P. takes up his enormous opera glass and has a good look at Rev. Coffee. Lays down his opera-glass. - “Young man, are you not aware that the Court is in possession of the pulpit ; that in pretence of the pulpit there is no right of reply V Rev. Coffee eub-ides, to the amusement of Parker and his choir, who all feel inclined for an anthem. “ Now, young men, how about this General Church Fund of yours ? Abundance of funds, eh ?” The lay secretary replied that they had managed to scrape together a little money, but the clergy had nobbled it all. “Young man, nobble is doubtless a very expressive word, but not a word fitting to be used in presence of this most honorable Court. Young men,” addressing the members generally, “ the Court has here a copy of your Church Chronicle, of date Ist November, 18/8 It appears that this General Church Fund was intended as a fund wherewith, besides providing adequate stipends tor the clergy, to build all requisite churches, parsonages, and schools, and ‘ to train young men for the work of the ministry.’ Now you must all admit that this General Church Fund scheme of yours has proved a most wretched failure.How many churches, parsonages, and schools have you built from such fund ? This general scheme must begot rid of; you mint revert to the old order of things, let each parish manage its own affairs, aud raise up again the Diocesan Fund, which ought never to have been abolished. A General Church Fund may be all very well for tho millenium, but you are not yet fit for that. Millenium, indeed I The Court will have to scud you all to school to Old Mother Shipton. Millenium ! nice young men, you, for the millenium. There is another little matter towhich the Court is desirous of calling your attention—your sermous. Why should the people of this diocese in particular and the people of New Zealand in general, be for ever doomed to your peculiar home brew, when there are so many excellent sermons to be had from the Old Country, at from twopence to threepence a piece less than those two creatures Gear and Barber charge per lb. for their mutton chops one-third bone? Sermons,better than you could write, and written by abler men than you. Are you not aware that it is customary in the manufactories of the Old Country to lay aside any article at all faulty as good enough for the colonies! You must here pardon the Court, it is intended for your own good and the good of your flocks. If it is necessary that you should write all your sermons, why not write all your hymns and com-' pose the music yourselves ? There is not one among you could write a good hymn, much less the music. Imagine a hymn by Rev. Harvey, the music by Yen. Stock, Miserere at the organ. An enlivening turn out that would be.” (Parker coughs, the choir are heard to groan.) “A T ow, young men, you attend to what the Court has to say to you. You pitch overboard alt this General Church Fund stuff and nonsense of yours, and import a large number of sermons and engage more lay readers. What do you want with so many more jolly (No, no ; beg pardon—the Court must be exemplary) ordained clergy ? You have your bibles, prayer books, hymn books. Import sermous, and set the lay readers to work. If you are at any. time short of respectable lay readers send for some of Parker’s crew. Now, you attend to what the Court has to say to you. It you do not it will be worse for you the next time the Court takes you for a cruise—you shall all be deposited on some iceberg near the Poles* the iceberg anchored, aud you left there for six months in charge of the High Commissioner and his bears, where and when you, the o'ergy, may go preach your talkee-talkee to the walruses, and you, the laity, may go do, business with the seals. As there are yet a few moments left to us, will try another little hymn.” Parker tunes up. Presently— Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom, Lead thou me on. The night is dark, and I am far from home, Lead thou me on. Keep thou my feet ; I do not ask to see The distant scene ; one step enough for me. I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou Should’st lead me on ; I loved to choose and see my path ; but now Lead thou me on, The billows , are off Wellington Heads. Birds are hovering above and around. Presently the ex J.P. is seen seated in Court with the members of the .Synod standing in his presence, all looking down meekly at their toes. “ Mr. Inspector, clear the Court.” Exeunt omnes, exit the Court.

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