Round THE Corners

New Zealand Mail, Issue 662, 31 October 1884, Page 13

Round THE Corners

He wanted to say something interesting as he twirled her about in the everlasting waltz, and this is how he managed to put his foot in it. “Well, that fellow is a length, isn’t he,” indicating at the same time a tall young man dressed point device, with hi 3 moustache bandolined into long points. “Now a tall girl dancing with him would either have to incur the risk of a stiff neck in avoiding the points of his moustache, or to have a hole gimbletted in one of her cheeks.” “Really,” replied the partner, “I don’t know whether you are aware of it, but that person is my cousin.” Smart young man collapsed for five seconds, and adroitly turned the conversation into the latest betting on the Caulfield Cup.

I am distressed, Stout, indeed I am, at having to take so much notice of you, but what the dickens d’ye mean by these continuous political faux pas. You have got into the habit of saying what you ought not to say, and of leaving unsaid what you ought to say, and you are, you know you are, a miserable political sinner, and I’m just wae for ye Rabbie. Deed then, man, but ye micht hae been jest ceevil after that Publeec Works Statement was deleevered, and have hoped that hon. meembers wud hae liked it, and sae on. But to ding the thing on the flure of the Hoose, and to telt them they maun swallow it wither or nae ! Hech, mon, but it dings Meg Merriles and Dominie Sampson, when she threatened to cram him wi’ the het stew. “Gape sinner and swallow,” said she, “ or I’ll choke ye,” and ye,- Rabbie said much the same o’er that statement. “Tak it geentlemen, or till be the waur for ye,” deil a less, Rabbie. Can ye winder, man, that some of them were a bit riled. Ye shud hae spoke them saftly. This way, noo:—Hey, my bonny bairns, but the trouble we hae haed wie that statement. Hech ! hech ! hut our leeves hae been just worritted oot o’ us. Sir Julius is gae daft, and Muster Richardson fut for the hospeetal. For' mysel’l’m waur than ither. Tak it, good folk, tak it now, and dinna speer too close, for a oor saks.” That’s your style, Bob, and good Doric, too. Tut, man, what the mischief’s come over you that you need so much advice. You don’t seem to be my clear-headed Bob Stout, but another person altogether.

I have written before to-day about society matters, and very probably upon that most momentous subject—entertaining. Compared with the rest of the colony, the air of Wellington is most favorable for full-blown entertainments. &.nd some of them are particularly full blown, not to say running over at the edges, and fill strangers from a distance with amazement and envy, and plain cDuntry folks, just released, for a time, from rusticity and quiet habits, with a spirit of friskiness and an intense longing to “do the mazey” to the uttermost, whether they are quite uxj to it or not. And it may he said that the style of .entertainment is “quite the thing,” quite comme il faut. Invitations are scattered broadcast ; young and old are mixed up in a hodgepodge, and a menu of dancing is laid before them. Did J. say dancing? Then I made a mistake, it should have been waltzing, for there is no such thing as dancing now-a-days. Boys and girls may he taught to dance, hut degenerate into mere twirling in the hereafter. Every caper that 13 cut in a hall room now-a-days has something of the blessed “ valse ” about it. The once polka is now half-waltz, ditto gallop. Schottishes and mazurkas are never heard of. The graceful and intricate “square dance,” something to learn and remember, is just tolerated, that is, its shadow, and society lies prostrate before the shrine of waltz. This is a slight divergence, but still it’s “entertaining” as the pastime goes, and yet it might be improved uimn, I fancy. Why dancing always, oh you who can afford and who love to entertain ? Why don’t you sort your materials and vary your style ? Why not now and again combine instruction with amusement, and so cater a wee bit for the middle-aged and old, whilst not forgetting the young : How nice to listen to a good discourse upon some unhackneyed and philosophical subject in accordance with modern thought. And then, after tea and coffee and chit chat, exhaust a well-considered musical x>rogramme, to he fol- * lowed by supper, talk, and turn out. This to

those who can afford supper ; those who can’t will.do exceedingly well to provide tea and coffee and music afterwards, and if any ef the entertained feel particularly hungry, they can, upon reaching home, retire to their pantries, and like the immortal Yiolante, polish off their mutton bones. Now the above is a style of entertainment suitable for old and young, but at the same time far he it from me to debar my dear youngsters from their loved waltzing. Give ’em a night now and again, with a pater and materfamiliasortwo to play propriety. Yes, indeed, entertaining is something that will bear a whole heap of reforming. It is a very serious business of life, and should be carried out well and faithfully, and have a high object tacked on to it.

That Police Offences Bill, and the clause about play and pastime in public places on Sunday, Well, no one can accuse me of straight-lacedness. I am quite sure that no priest or prelate of high or low degree would ever dream of paying me a society call. Utterly utter, and unregenerate am I, and yet if I had been in the House during that memorable debate, I should have voted for the retention of certain words that were ignominiously thrust out of clause 13. Life, dear boys, is made up of compensations, considerations, and adaptations. And in every well organised condition of ‘ society people strive to adapt themselves to each other’s requirements, to present smooth surfaces for contact, and not be everlastingly jarring and jangling, and making rough places grind and shriek, to the detriment of nerves and teeth. Perhaps on no question is there such diversity of opinion as upon Sunday observance. Truly in the arrangement of the subject does it. become apparent that one man’s fish is another man’s poison, and therefore the greater need to adopt a free give-and-take policy, and hit the happy medium that shall jar the least upon the prejudices of the many. If the colony were polled to-morrow, it would he found, I’ll be bound, that a very considerable majority would be in favor of the observance of Sunday as a quiet day, with as little of the week day as possible— “publicly” —imported into its observances. Now the Lord preserve us from a Scotch Sabbath, but between that and tolerating football and cricket, when such games would jar upon the nerves of thousands of sensitives, there are a great many degrees of variation to be utilised. People can amuse themselves in an infinite variety of ways on a Sunday without detrimentally affecting their neighbor. There are few that do not incline to a little worship, and then there are literature, and music, and chess, and walks abroad, or a.little quiet gardening, or visiting very intimate friends who like to give and take that way. And then to the weekly weary, there is the invaluable “ loaf.” As an eminent medical friend of mine once aptly put it, nothing like a good “loaf,” my dear sir, to lie down on your back and absolutely do nothing. And a very tidy share of a loaf of that kind can be obtained on a Sunday, and will brace up the muscles and steady the nerves for the next week’s labor. But to have a lot of holloaing cricket and football clubs disporting themselves in the midst of churchgoers, offending their higher instincts and sympathies, well I, for one, say no, emphatically no. There is a time for all things, and the day of rest, relaxation, worship, and amusement is not the day, in these days of Saturday half-holidays, and holidays whenever an excuse for one can be made, and eight hours’ movements, for rough and tumble gambolling, with its concomitants, in public places. No, I should have made that clause read “or plays at any game or pastime in any public place within the municipal boundaries, aquatics not included.” How easy to establish football and cricket grounds outside municipal boundaries.

For once the Lower House rose to statesmanship in its decision upon the North Island Main Trunk Railway. No other than the central route could have been adopted with the slightest degree of consistency. We have had rather more than enough of sea coast railways on the one hand, and artificial harbors to compete with them on the other. And then, moreover, what can so tend to settle and develop the wide waste places, of the body of the North Island, as a railway running righ t through them. Why does Taranaki weep and her supporters gnash their teeth ? Is not the district well provided for already in roads and railways, and soon a commodious harbor as well. And will not the admirably supplied Wellington market, shortly he brought to their very doors ? What more do they want; why so much hankering after Auckland flesh pots? Is not Wellington nearer to New Plymouth than Auckand. Is not the way to and fro either by land or sea much easier to travel ? Of course they are, and, therefore, it is high time the strained Auckland and New Plymouth relations were divorced, and a new union effected between New Plymouth and Wellington. Come, oh come to my arms all you New Plymouth lasses, already I am bubbling over with the very highest kind of affinity towards ye. Let us bury past differences, and exchange friendly visits, and you, all the time, remember that there is still the old outlet for your sheep and cattle to Auckland via Manukau, and a better one you can’t have, let there be spent what there may on railways. Land carriage never can, never did, and never will compete with water. Cease then to agitate and fly in the face of nature, but just turn your attention southward.

There is a prayer in the Church of England service that provides for a series of anathemas upon persons guilty of particular offences duly specified. Leading the blind out of the way is one of these, not, oh literal reader, only misdirecting a physically blind man, but for deliberately misleading in a moral sense as well. And of all the sins of misleading those who don’t know better, and who trust to others, who profess to know, for guidance, is the misleading of a writer of the Press, that is if the misleading is wilful. Of course, I am aware a Press man is supposed to be infallible, and if any mortal is gifted with infallibility

it is a Press man. Still, too much dependence is not to be placed uxion the quality. I shall admit, and without hesitation, albeit the admission is humiliating, that Press'men are really fallible, that is sometimes, and so sometimes they are shamefully “had” by the wicked, the designing, and the fools. It is a fact that fools do occasionally mislead wise men, but then they have nearly always scrambled into a false position, and pose at something which they really are riot. However, I would earnestly entreat all such fools, who belong to the Episcopal Church, to be very careful how, they venture to wilfully mislead and deceive, either wise or foolish, because, if they do, they incur the peril attached to the curse invoked once a year, by many millions of people, upon the person who leads the blind out of their way. The whole array of materialists will, of course, sneer at the idea of efficacy of prayer, but there is more in it than they suppose. Prayer is intense thought or fervent verbal adjuration, it is a force that goes forth, and the more intense the force the greater the effect. Never a true prayer was said in this world. that did not produce effect. Think well of this ye hypocrites and plausible scoundrels, who go about your mouth full of lies, adjusting your utterances to suit the moment —careless if direct contradiction is Involved—of a verity ye shall have your reward in being exposed in your true colors, to say nothing of the amount of expiation that will fall upon you in the hereafter.

Federation, yes; highly necessary, federate away my lads, nothing like unity, only don’t lay too much stress upon the power of the “furriner,” and underrate yourselves. What, has not the fact yet dawned upon you that you have absolutely secured the only available vantage grounds for colonisation, and the founding of empires in the Indian and Pacific oceans south of the line. Don’t you see that you have secured the only bit of temperate climate to be had in all that vast region. Tasmania and New Zealand, the very gems of southern land are yours, and the whole of Australia, the greater part of it within the temperate zone. And thus you have secured the dominion of the south, you are developing a distinct species of man that will lack none of the leading characteristics of the great AngloSaxon race, and that means creating, and storing away year by year, vast physical power. And ’tis physical power that will rule the roost. D’ye think that any community of white men within the tropics, will ever develop apace with whites without the tropics ? or, for that matter, will ever develop at all “ worth a cent.” Let Prance and Germany fret and fume and intrigue with the “grand old man’’and deposit their colonising ova in New Guinea, New Caledonia and Qther places. I would not give much for the third generation of ' that ova. Those colonies will always have to be sustained by more or less nourishment from the parent stem. These colonies are already self supporting and in a very few years will be in a position to in-' trade a gauntletted hand amidst the councils of the world. We shall have might as well as right on our side, we shall sure to be plucky and therefore must win. If the degenerate French and Germans of the tropics become troublesome, how easy to settle affairs with them.

Time Parliament closed for the sesssion ? “ Rayther so, Polly,” for a more beggarly account of useful legislation accomplished was never given. And then the attitude of Parliament is so contemptible, that is, of the Lower House. “ Sixes and sevens ”is about the term to apply to it! It represents two flocks of sheep, one over-shepherded, the other with nary a bell wether ; one driven to death, the other wandering despairingly upon .dry pasture. It is well for the country, in the present humiliating juncture, that it has an Upper House to apply the brake. Reform the Upper House indeed ! ! Piddle-de-dee, ’tis the Lower one that wants looking to. Members mostly are mere puppets in the hands of constituents, while constituents have degenerated into congeries of cormorants, hungry, insatiable, their cry, “give, give, and more, more.” If they had not been this, the advent to power of such a Ministry would have been impossible, a Ministry that knew how to shuffle the cards, and wink whilst doing it.

A smart correspondent writes : —-The amor patriae of the Irish is proverbial, daily illustrations being afforded, both in conversation, and in print. No sooner does an artist, a singer, a politician, an admiral, or a general become famous than effort is made to claim him, either by birth or descent, as a son of Erin. The latest edition made to the national stock of celebrities is Admiral Courbet, of Foochow renown. He, it is asserted, is the son of an Irishman named Corbet, who migrated to France, when—but it doesn’t matter when—it is sufficient to say that he did migrate ; to enter into details in these matters is sometimes inconvenient. The great Osman Pasha was of course an Irishman—as everybody knows who read the Irish prints—after the Turkish battles with the Russians ; but it never became quite clear, whether he was Irish by descent, or by reason t>f his penchant for genuine Irish whiskey. The President of the French Emx>ire, McMahon, was likewise an Irishman, as the name indicates. It is not generally known, however—and some sceptics may even doubt it—that Adelina Patti, the celebrated cantatrice, is also Irish; yet who can doubt that the name Patti is a corruption of Patrick ? It might certainly he contended that by ancestry she is but very distantly connected with Erin, hut the quantity of Irish moss she consumes in order to keex? her throat free from catarrh gives her as great a claim to the title of Irishwoman as if she had been naturalised. Many of the other celebrities, who have been claimed as Irish, probably are just as remotely connected with the land of poets, potatoes, statesmen, whiskey, dynamitards, patriots, and other desirable and undesirable products. k Asmodeus.