Intelligent Vagrant.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 245, 20 May 1876, Page 13

Intelligent Vagrant.

Quis scit an adjiciant liodiernre crastina summaa Tempora Di Superi.— llokace. That was a very indecorous proceeding on the part of the Nelson Evening Mail when it had its column rules turned, and went into mourning on accoxxnt of the death of one of its proprietor's. I was happy to see an indignant contemporaneous protest against this indecorum. Because there are plenty of newspapers, you see, the deaths of whose pi’opi’ietors it might be most appropriate to treat in respectful submission to Providence, if not, indeed, with absolute joy at the good effects of the workings of Providence’s wondrous ways. Tor instance, I know a newspaper wherein, if one of its proprietors died, there would be no display of melancholy. Quite the conti'ary. The survivoi*s would hoist a flag and become jovial.

A pleasing incident took place at an organ recital lately. Those present were waiting for fche coming of a distinguished person, and had exhausted all the popular subjects of discourse —the weather, and who was to get the UnderSecretaryship. They had ari’ived at that stage of depressing silence comm on to assemblages of people waiting for the event to occur, the expectation of which has brought them together, when suddenly the door opened, and all assumed attitudes of respect, of inquiry, or of recognition, according to the terms of their acquaintance with the distinguished person. But these attitudes were changed into a common one of indignation when, following the opening of the doox*, there came through the aperture a cry of “ M-e-e-elk oh ! ” A gentleman present, who makes some pretensions to wit, was heal’d to munnur that this was “ the cream of the joke.”

Does it strike anyone as singular about the Strathnaver affair that the captain is said to have got too sick to go home in her, and the carpenter positively refused to do so. Of course, we all know that so far as her little encounter with Barrett’s reef (if she encountered it at all) was concerned, it was as gentle as is the contact of a weary traveller with a feather bed, and this explains why no necessity would be admitted for her going on the Patent Slip. Then, the only questions requiring answers, and I do not pi’ofess to be able to supply those answers, are, why did not the captain and mate go home in her, arid why has she never turned up since she sailed ?

Policemen can be patriots. There may be people Avho will doubt the truth of this assertion. But it is true nevertheless. I know a policeman who has lately sacrificed himself on the altar (or rather I should say on the hearthstone of his country.) His kitchen chimney caxxght fire, and instead of making use of his official position to endeavor to conceal his offence, he went and laid an information against himself. If all men were of this gentleman’s mind, we should continually have people coming to the lock-up and handing themselves over as being drunk and incapable.

The Brough Smyth inquiry in Melbourne has, I believe, been watched with intei’est here. That interest, it is possible, might be intensified if it were known that the civil servants in one Government department of this colony complain of somewhat similar haughtiness oh the part of a gentleman who controls them without occupying even so commanding a position as that held by Mr Brough Smyth. When a writer goes in for literary piracy I like to see him keep -up his character. Therefore I do not withhold my applause from the efforts of a gentleman who recently criticised

“ The Coming K ,” a scandalous "London publication. But before he borrowed his knowledge he should have made certain of its authenticity. Mr. Horsman did not bring an action for libel against the World because that paper had accused him of being the author of “ The Coming K .” The ground of his action was that the World had aecused him, xxnder the shallow disguise of “ a superior person,” of having made away with the money of a relative; which could have been found out by anyone but a literary plagiarist. “ Pheasants,” as a local poultry dealer, with more knowledge of trade than grammar, informed me, “is in.” As to the condition in which pheasants are best suited for consumption tastes differ. A high legal authority met a friend last Monday, and asked with some solicitude after a consignment of a brace of pheasants the friend had received from Auckland. The friend said: “ They smelt so that I had to dig a hole in the garden, and get rid of them that way.” With the greatest anxiety, the legal authority said : “ For goodness sake, my dear fellow, show me where you buried ’em.”

Soms people, the Chinese for example, move slowly ; colonists move i*apidly. Not long ago several young lads came before a school inspector for examination as pupil-teachers. One of them was handed a few sheets of written foolscap to fasten together, by one of those modern brass pins whose points separate, letting the two ends x*ivet the paper together. The youth was from the country, and he had never seen one of those contrivances before. He drove the point through the several sheets all light, but had no idea that anything more remained to be done. He was therefore told to go down, and since then has seen the necessity of reth'ing from further examination. We are a great people. Differences of opinion do exist, I believe between teachers, as to the most fitting subjects on which children can be asked to write essays. Some contend that the more practical the tendency of the subjects the better for rising colonists, who will have subsequently to contend against the practical difficulties of life. With this latter class the gentleman who not many days ago set a subject to his class would find favor. He put down as a subject “Beds.” One of his scholars, out of the light of his limited experience, wrote concerning it as follows : —“Beds.—Some beds have fleas, and some have bugs.” I do not assert that this is a nice paragraph, but it possesses a merit which should commend it to readers. It is simply true. An Irish friend of mine who had his mother’s corpse conveyed to the family vault in a plain deal coffin, and subsequently at night effected, an interchange of its contents with that of oak and lead which held his great grandmother, has always seemed to me to have exemplified the economy that takes thought for one’s family, in the highest degree. But I have heard of a gentleman who might under similai’ly favorable cix*cumstances have equalled the fiillial and pi’aiseworthy action of my friend. This gentleman is as conspicuous for carefulness of money in respect to casual hospitality as he is for his love for games of chance. Playing some game or another lately he lost £5 to a companion. On the score of his large family he induced his companion to take £2 as payment in full. The companion was the readier to do this as the loser is apt to forget trifles lost at trials of fortune. But the loser finished matters by borrowing promptly from the winner £1 of the two he had just paid, still on the plea of domestic economy.