WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23761, 14 September 1940, Page 2 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE

Well Preserved A TURKISH centenarian lives at the bottom of a disused well. Born in 1840, lie still shows no sign of kicking the bucket. . . —Punch, London. Query •THAT despairing cry or yell by the chairman at a Liverpool tribunal, "Can you tell me why the Customs and Excise" produce more pacifists than any other branch of the Civil Service?" is not too difficult to answer. Dr. Johnsoil gives a clear pointer in his dietionary: Excise: A hateful tax levied upon commodities and adjudged not by the common judges of property but by wretches hired by those to whom .Lxcise is paid. D. B. Wyndham Lewis in the Bystander, London. Recipe for Long Life "jVTOAH BROCK, who was 104 on August 15, gives this recipe for long life: "Don't worry. Worry kills people," he said in an interview. 'That's why I've always farmed." A Confederate* cavalry lieutenant from South Carolina, he lias lived in Indiana almost seventy years. He hears well and reads without glasses. He does not smoke or chew. He gave up tobacco at 75 because he said it "wasn't getting liim anywhere." —Tho New York Times.

"You want me to raise your salary. Give me three good reasons why I should." "Triplets, sir!" —En Rollg Hair Tlmma (Gotlienbergr) Declaration of Independence T'M ending this humility_ ~ This wormish, soft servility 1 From now on I am hard and wise, Enslaved no more by dusty eyes. No moro shall pretty martinets Number ine among their pets. _ The way they treat you is a sin . . . Say I Who's the blonde that just came in? —College Humour Nose is His Fortune MEW trades and professions appear in the world's directories. The United States Fisheries Bureau employs a man to test the freshness of fish by sniffing. His sense of smell is so acute that a single sniff tells him whether a fish is fit for consumption or not. —Tit-Bits, London.

Awakening Gilt GEORGIA MITCHESON, M.P., told a good story, recently, about a peer who dreamt he was addressing the House of Lords; he woke up—and ho was! , —Puck, in Tit-Bits, London. Cause for 'Alarm THE , two men on the bus were obviously exchanging experiences. The big man on the outside seat chuckled. "Yea, she's just like my wife. Sadie will have it that I'm a heavy sleeper, but that the merest whisper wakes her up. Yet I heard the siren first. I had to sliout to her. She wanted to know what I was making such a fuss about. 'Air-raid warning? I told har. 'Oh, is that all?' she asked, rubbing the cobwebs from her eyes. 'I was afraid you were going to tell me that you thought you'd heard a mouse.' " —Manchester Guardian. While He Slept THE tales of Dunkirk will .never end. In a thousand years the story will be told in school books, and none will talk of courage without thinking •of that story of three hundred thousand men. One story has just reached us which has not been printed. It is of a man who waited on the beach ten hours for a boat to bring him home and, when it came, fell Fast asleep. On reaching England he woke up to find that the boat had been bombed and several people killed while he slept. —Arthur Mee, London. ~ Woman Crosses Bar MISS EILEEN MACDONALD, barrister, recently made history in the House of Lords by crossing the Bar. As junipr counsel to Mr. E. G. Hemmerde, K.C., she was appearing for a young man claiming compensation for injuries received in operating a circular saw. The law lords examined the saw exhibited, could not understand how it worked. After some consultation Miss Macdonald was invited to cross the Bar to explain, a thing which even her senior had never done. —Tit-Bits, London.

As Usual "THE time will come," shouted the speaker, "when women will get men's wages." "Yes," interjected the little man in the corner, "next Friday night." —Australian Women's Weekly. Pestered TWO Broadwayites sat in a restaurant. At the end of the meal one requested a loan. "Can I borrow twenty dollars for a week?" he asked "Sure," replied the other, counting out the money. As they rose the latter spoke again. "Remember," he reminded, "that's only for a week." , The borrower turned a vivid red. "You'll get your money," he screamed; "stop hounding mel" —New York Dally Mirror. Not Dressed for Callers CEEING a light in a window after an air-raid warning had sounded, the warden shouted: "Put out that light up there." An old lady came to the window with a candle in her hand. "What do you want?" she asked. "It's an air-raid warning," was the reply. "Well, put it through the letter-box. I can't come down now," was the curt reply. —T. Kitson, Manchester. Origin of "Mein Kampf" fWIO STRASSER, in his book "Hitw ler and I," just published in London tells how his brother Gregor and Hitler were imprisoned in Landsberg fortress after the abortive Munich putsch in 1923. They lived quite comfortably together. The drawback was the incessant speechifying of Hitler, which bored the others to distraction. One day Strasser had the brilliant idea of suggesting that Hitler should write his memoirs. "Adolf positively leapt at it." After that the others had peace, and the first draft of "Mein Kampf" was written. —The Dally Telegraph, London.