LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIII, Issue 22540, 3 October 1936, Page 4 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

Flaming Youth GATES to the chambers of commerce conference seemed very amused on tho Auckland Railway Station one afternoon during the week when they saw a rake of schoolchiklren's carriages drawn up at one of the platforms. They probably picked up a completely erroneous impression of Auckland schoolgirls into the bargain. On tho windows of tho two carriages bearing tho inscription "schoolgirls" were affixed "smoking" stickers, while "no smoking" notices, curiously enough, graced tho windows of tho boys' carriages. Some strange talcs will probably appear in English papers when tho delegation returns. Intellectual Citizens It really takes football matches and wrestling contests to make New Zealanders excited, but politics do not come far down the list. The remarks of those who telephoned the Hkuai.d to learn the result of Wednesday's byelection often showed widespread and diverting variation. Soino were jubilantly pleased, most were politely noncommittal and several profanely disgusted. When, however, someone asked what seat had been contested, tho telephone attendant was shaken. He was ablo to give a coherent reply to the lady who wanted to know what party Mr. A. G. Osborne stood for, but when someone listened to the final return and then wanted to know how many votes Mr. .J. A. Lee got, the operator was silenced. A Chance for Pedestrians There is a movement on foot in Otago to have motorists trained in first aid. This is indeed an excellent idea and one that ought to be taken up and vigorously encouraged by the Government. Having selected his pedestrian and run him to earth the trained motorist will know what to do until the ambulance comes, and instead of bolting or remaining to argue distances with the police ho will be able to bring some cheer to his victim, although it is not clear whether a bottle of whisky in the firs.; aid kit would weigh in an intoxication charge against the erring motorist. Then again, the provision of a large red cross badge on the radiators of first aid motorists would enable the pedestrian to pick his motorist with some degree of foreknowledge. Who is This Power? Judging by Haili Selassie's acknowledgment of New Zealand's efforts at Geneva last week, there must have been a rare fuss in the Abyssinian Legation, London, with aides frantically poring over Who's Who's and ambassadors searching in gazeteers, when tho telegram arrived from Geneva: ".Jordan makes spirited stand for our admission." Wo can imagine his dusky majesty fretfully exclaiming: "Who is this Jordan?" to bo followed later by: "But where is New Zealand?" when tho Embassy staff had solved his first question. And what relief there must have been when it was discovered that we did it in pure cussedness and not because we wanted a slice of Abyssinia's butter trade. " Ladies and Gentlemen " The speech of 19 words delivered by Dr. McMillan, M.P., at Ellerslie, in connection with the Manukau election campaign, is probably, as he says, a record in short election speeches. The record in brevity for a speech—although not an election address—by a budding politician is probably held by one who was destined in after years to sway multitudes by his brilliant oratory. When William Ewart Gladstone was a youngster in arms, he was, according to story, carried by a proud father into a room in which a number of public men wero discussing affairs of State.

By MERCUTIO

Say "Ladies and Gentlemen," said the parent to his offspring. The three words were dutifully lisped by the child. He made many more and longer speeches before the "trumpet's silvery voice" was stilled, but this first oration had an eminence all its own. One Life Less A large black tom-cat straying far from its usual haunts was the principal actor in a delightful comedy sketch at a city theatre recently. During the overture puss walked majestically on to the portion of the theatre formerly the orchestral pit, which was hidden under the guise of a desert scene. After sniffing suspiciously at the figure of an Arab seated before an artificial fire, Tom realised tho fraud and stalked belligerently up to a small ass. Music soothes the savage breast and the blare from tho loud-speaker worried him not at all. But with the announcer's voice there was a wild flurry and puss was gone. Summer Time An amusing tale of the obvious mistake is told regarding the recent advancing of clocks. A man who had paid rather too much attention to his cups during the evening decided that rather than risk -walking homo he should leave early. Arriving out in the street at 11.30, he gazed at a near by clock. The last car left at 12. He had half an hour. Then suddenly he looked back at the clock to see the hands move at unaccustomed speed and stop at 12. Taking fright he ran for the tram just starting from the train stop, and panted out his self-congratulations to the bewildered conductor of tho 11.30 tram, who took his fare with a somewhat oversized grin. Then and Now A poll of over 8000 votes at an election would have sounded strange to the electors of Manukau in 1861, when the first election of a member for the Town of Onebunga took place. The total number of votes cast was 95. The successful candidate. Sir Maurice O'Rorke, who secured 48 votes, Avon by what a reporter termed the "glorious majority of one." Those wero the days of narrow majorities. Later in the same year, the first Stafford Ministry was defeated in the House by a similar "glorious majority," the division list reading 24 and 23. The Still, Small Voice " Small boys should be seen and not heard " runs the proverb, and one small son and heir has good reason to believe it. It was at the, weekly poker school, and father was hardly being smiled upon by Dame Fortune. At last the cards came and, holding four kings, everything looked rosy. His opponents aiso had good hands, and it seemed that the pool would mean a nice haul. Suddenly a piping voice said, "What funny-looking men those four are." It was some time before the game was resumed. Stimulation In these days of alarums and excursions it is comforting to think of humanitarian movements like free milk ; for schoolchildren. It is encouraging to j know, too, of the Dairy Board's preparedness to assist, up to £IO,OOO, in this big drinking experiment, presumably with the idea of producing lusty farmers of the future. But farms must be defended as well as farmed, a thought prompted by the aforesaid alarums, etc. And of course, something should be done about that aspect, too. If milk can produce the hefty, willing farmer, it seems something could be done to produce a robust type of taxpayer who will willingly see about the defence side of the business. So what better suggestion tWi for the Navy League to collect £l(j;000 for free rum for fathers?