SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVII, Issue 20602, 28 June 1930, Page 8 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

| UNEXPECTED REPLY. The appetite of tho guest was a keen ono, and he was doing full justice to the dinner. The little daughter of his host watched him for a while. Then sho smiled on him brightly, and said: " Oh, I do wish you wero here to dinner every day." Tho gue3t beamed with satisfaction. "Do you, my dear? Why?" " Because," came tho unexpected reply, " there won't bo anything cold to eat tomorrow." LESSON IN HONESTY. Fivo minutes passed, but the small boy persisted in trying to tako seven from five. * Finally, in exasperation, tho teacher said, " Now, boy, if you had fivo apples in your pocket, could I tako seven out?" " No, sir!" was tho immediato reply. A benign smilo wreathed the teacher's faco, and ho asked: — " Why not, my lad ?" " Because, sir," answered the boy, decidedly, " they're not yours!" JUST TEE THING-. Ho was reading his morning paper after breakfast. "Ah! this is wonderful!" ho said to his wife. " They are inventing an infallible instrument which will bo able to gauge tho depth and exact contents of tho Atlantic in gallons. You just submergo tho thing and it registers tho answer." "Oh, lovely!" said his wife. "We'll have ono, and we shall be able to check the milk. I'm suro 1 often get short measure!" t THE WAY OP THE ROAD. Two friends had been dining out, and as they motored homo along tho Great North Road, in tho dark tho car took such a zigzag courso that tho road seemed scarcely wide " enough. The driver was quito serene but his friend was not, and said so. Just then they wero approached by a huge car showing brilliant head-lights, iho man who was driving said, " You shay I'm not fit to drive, ol' man. Don't you believe it. You just see me shteer this ol' bus betweer, thoshe two lights!" , A MAGNIFICENT IDEA. Two men wero to take part in a boxing match, and surreptitiously each backed himself heavily to lose the fight. During tho progress-of the bout'one accidently hit his opponent a light tap on tho face whereupon the recipient of tho blow lay down and the referee proceeded to count him out. Tho other was in a quandary, but just with the call of " nine " a magnificent idea came to him. He rushed to tho prostralo man and kicked him, and was instantly disqualified. , REMEMBERED LESSON. ,A young man asked an old actor to have a drink. As soon as. it was served it was gone. " 1 say," said the host-, " that was quick work. Have another?" " I will, laddie," said tho old actor.. The drink camo, and went in the same rapid fashion. Tho young mpn was fascinated and kept ordering drinks and watching them vanish like lightning. " You'll pardon me, 1 know," ho said at length, " but would you mind telling me why you consume each drink so rapidly ?" • , " Laddio," said the old man with feeling, "1 had ono knocked over in '90." A KITCHEN TRAGEDY. An angry customer came into tho grocer's and tossed a package on tho counter. "Makes washing a pleasure, dops it?" sho blurted out. " Does tho washing while you wait, does it ? it's tho littlo hakes of soap that—" " One moment, please, madam," said tho grocer. " This is not soap," " Mot soap—not soap, ?" "No! Your daughter asked for half n pound of grated cheese and half a pound of soap flakes. This is tho cheese." " My stars and last night 1 mado a pudding—" EARNING EASY MONEY. The manager of a large shop, while passing through tho toy department, observed a boy leaning against tho counter and whistling in a lazy manner. Tho manager stopped and gavo tho boy a searching look, as he said: " How much do you get a week ?" " One pound," said tho boy. " Well, here's a week's wages. N.ow clear out of here and don't come back." The boy look tho money, and went away smiling. " When did we engage that boy," the manager inquired of the shopwalker. " Wo never engaged him at all, ho was just looking over tho toy counter." DELICACY AND TACT. . , A certain Irishman prided himself upon his doiicacy and tact. Ono day when a boy was killed in the quarry v.-hero ho worked ho told the men to leavo everything in hi 3 hands and he would break the news to tho boy's mothor in tho best possible manner. lie went home, put on a black suit and tie, and started for the mother's houso. " Good mornin'. ma'am," ho said. "'Tis tho sad accident yo boy's gold watch has met wid." " Why," said the mother, " Tom never had a gold watch." " Shuro, an' that's lucky," said tho diplomat, " for twinty tons uv rock fell on hiin." YOUNG WIFE'S COOKING. i _ A young bride who hadn't tho slightest knowledge of cooking determined to make a great effort to please her husband. Her mother-in-law told her ho was very fond of Welsh rarebit, so sho sot about perfecting herself in tho preparation of this dish. Her failures were many and, varied, nnd finally she givo up in despair. A few mornings later her husband, loaviru the block of furnished flats in wh.ch they lived, was stopped by the caretaker " Look here, sir," said tho latter, " will you please ask your wife to stop throwing chunks of linoloum out of the window ?" THE ANGLER'S TRIALS. Ho pulled in his line, and found—nothing. Several times that day tho same thing happened. He had a dujl time until, in making another cast, tho hook Caught in the back of his coat. He went through more evolutions than an expert contortionist to reach that hook. Elo even tried to iub it out against a treo, but a smart jab in the small of tho back slopped that. At Inst lie started in search of someone to extricate it. Five miles ho tramped bofore espying a human "being. " Here, my good man," ho called out to a farm hand, " will you please tako that hook out of my back ? I've walked miles trying r.o find someone to romovo the thing." •' Of course I will," said tho farm hand, ".but why didn't you try taking your coat ofi?" «