SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LIX, Issue 18101, 27 May 1922, Page 5 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

HIS SYSTEM OF FILING. <l Sergeant," uaid the oflicer, " I was looking last evening for sonic records con cerning the religious services held every Sunday morning, but could not line! them in the files. Where ale they? "They are filed under ' H,' sir," answered the sergeant in charge of the files. " Why under ' JI ? ' " " Because they begin at half-past nine, sir." HIS FIRST fSHANCE, " What do know of women's work " demandeiTMrs. Dobsoii', fiercely, at a meeting of the Women's Home Ru!o League. " Is there a man hero," she confinuecl, folding her arms, who has day after day got up in the morning, made the lire, cooked his own breakfast, sewed buttons on the children's clothes, cleaned the pots and kettles, and swept the kitctieh'! If there is su<h a. man in this audience, lot him stand up ; 1 should liko to see him." A mild-looking man arose timidly in obedience to the summons. Ho was the husband of tho eloquent speaker. Tt was the first time he. had ever had a chance to assert himself. WHY SHE JUMPED. A Negress was charged with assaulting another Negress. " Luella Washington," said the magistrate, '• what have you to say for yourself? " " Your .worship," replied Luella, "Ah novah struck that woman. Ah nevah touched her. All had reprimanded her foh throwin' garbage out back, an' she kept on doing it, an' this mawnin' Ah reprimanded her again. Ah come down-1 stairs from mail flat up above, an' was holding up mah right hand jes' like the j Statue of Liberty, jes' like Ah'm holdin' j up mail right hand now, reprimanding j that woman, an' as Ah come close to her. j that woman jes' jumped head first ovah the railing. Ah nevah-touched her. '^ What did you havo in tho hand which you were holding up like the Statue of Liberty? " asked tho magistrate. " A hatchet." • AN EYE TO BUSINESS. He was running a small provision shop in a newlv-developed district, and - the wholesale dealers found him very backward in paying his bills. They sen? him letter alter letter, each more politely threatening than the. last. Finally, a representative was sent to give him a last cnance of paying up. " Now," said the caller, ",v, c must have a settlement. Why haven't you sent us anything? Are things going badly?" " No. Everything is going splendidly. You needn't worry. My bankers will guarantee me all right." "Then why haven't you paid up?" " Well, you see, those threatening letters of yours were put together so well that I've been copying them out- and sending them to a few customers of my own who wouldn't pay up, wirti the result that all have called and paid m full. I was only holding back because T felt sure there must be a final letter, and I wanted to get the series complete." THE DOVE WAS DISGUISED. An amusing story is told of a revival j meeting held in a church attended by ! Negroes. In order that the revival spirit might i be quickened, it was arranged that tho i preacher should give a signal when he "thought tho excitement was highest, and through a hole cut in the ceiling over the pulpit the sexton was to throw down a ipuro white dove, whose flight around tho church and over the heads of .the congregation was expected to cap the climax. All went well at the the church was packed; the preacher's text, was "In the form of a dove," tfnd as he piled up his eloquent periods the cxeitcment was intense. Then the opportune moment arrived, the signal was given, arid the packed congregation was scared out of its wits on looking up to the ceiling and beholding a cat. with a clothes-line round its body, being lowered over the preacher's head. The preacher called out to the sexton : " Whar's do dove? " "Inside de cat!" was the reply.