CALAMO CURRENTE.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXII, Issue 7383, 18 July 1885, Page 1 (Supplement)

CALAMO CURRENTE.

Whatever be the tide which, taken at the flood, led the Conservative on to fortune in the Imperial Parliament; whether it were » flood of beer, as the discomfited Liberals maintain, or of patriotism, as the victorioufl Tories assert, it was at any rate no feeble or unsteady wave. The politicians of Lord Salisbury's school have been landed by it firmly in the seats of the scornful, and, despite the misgivings of friends and the confident croaking of foes, they are displaying » resolution which forms a strikiug contrast to the vacillation of their predecessors. To the Liberals, who, absorbed in adoration for the infallibility of tiieOrand Old Man ami his countless virtues, and for the blazing talents of that bashful Philistine. Chamberlain of Brummagem, had begun to assume that all the genius, oratory, statesmanship, and moral rectitude of tho House were gathered upon the seats of the late Ministry, there must be something of wild surprise— like the typical surprise of the spider who inadvertently treads on a red-hot shovelin finding that even such men as Lord Randolph Churchill can actually sit with greater ease and better results upon those identical seats. But 0, ehado of Oxenstiern ! Quam parva sapkntia rtgitur mnndm! So unbounded was the admiration of the Liberal rank and file for their men in office, that they no doubt honestly believed that those men must have such a grasp upon diplomacy and matters oi administration cs no plain Liberal person, much loss a Conservative, could pos3ibly have; and they chuokled to themselves as they gleefully anticipated the sorry figuro "Little Randy" and his querulous nurse, Sir Stafford, would cut, when it came to their turn to deal with the Soudan and Afghan muddles, with taxation and Ireland ami deceased wives' sisters ana grumbling colonists, and so on. And lo ! their wicked schemes fall on their own pates, for instead of feoling uncomfortable and overcome with the odours of political wisdom and sanctity that still linger round the seats el the departed men of Gothan, the new Ministry, amidst that holy savour, are actually teaching thorn a lesson of resolution and purpose. They are not waiting "till the clouds roll by." The grinning Cossack is informed that Kngland is not yet defunct., and that English thought, as represented in the new Ministry, is decidedly against games such as he is pursuing. It is nmusing, too, to notice the difference of tactics adopted. Tho Conservatives are ready to send 85,000 men all at ouce to Afghanistan. The Liberal idea is to send two or three thousand, and to replace them as they get killed in due succession.

The most original member of the Conservative Ministry is undoubtedly Lord Randolph Churchill, secretary of State tor India. Tne measure of a rising man's importance is generally to be found in the abase poured upon him by the Opposition Tress, and in the frequency with which the comic periodicals introduce him in their cartoons. '1 he former criterion shows how much he is feared, and how irritating is hie placid contempt ; and the latter shows how large an arc be subtends in the public contemplation. Disrseli in his early days had an experience closely parallel to that of Lord Randolph. Both were caricatured as little and insignificant with such frequency that the very frequency itself gave the lie to the charge. Both were declared unscrupulous, because they did not care to pose for ever, and because they cho3e to talk, less about theories o£ political benevolence, and rectitude, and so forth, and preferred to say what they thought, even if they changed their minda afterwards. Both were called reckless and presumptuous because they failed to see why greybeards cr solemn countenances or Quaker hate were necessarily synonymous with wisdom and sagacity, and because they didn't care to "follow their leader " over all kinds of bogs and marshes. There is much in a name. " Unscrupulous, reckless, and nresumptuons" in one man's month may be in another's "candid, original, and independent," and to all theae last three Lord Randolph Churchill has a claim, even thongh we need not deny that he has a claim to the other set as well. Like Disraeli, Lord Randolph is somewhat scrupulous in his dress. His enemies say "Dandy," and then they smirk and look down complacently at their own number elevens, and at their trcueers half - way up to their knees, and at their cotton gloves with the fingers an inch too long. The truth ie Lord Randolph has a respect for himself and treats himself as a gentleman, whereas his enemies may have no reason to regard themselves in the same light. But the Liberals will not allow that Randolph can ever be a Disraeli. "Disraeli was only shamming his youthful excesses; Churchill's are part of his nature." A gratuitous assumption that waits to be proved. Meanwhile Lord Randolph has Bpent some six weeks in a rapid run through India, and so knows something, however infinitesimal, about the sphere of his office. This is a new departure. Really, if this sort of thing goes on, we shall be having Englishmen persuading themselves that the British Empire is not, after all, confined solely to the British Isles.

The Soudan Contingent has returned to NewSouth Wales, the complimentary speeches have been delivered, the congratulatory messages of the repentant or secretly jealous sister colonies have been unctuously received and unctuously answered, and oniy the bill remains to be paid. Yes. And now let us see. To begin with, the average English idea is that New South Wales, Victoria, New Zealand, &c, form an Australia under one Government. The Contingent was called the " Australian" Contingent. Therefore, in the average Euglieh mind, all these colonies share alike in the honour of the patriotic demonstration. This is gratifying to the noncontributors, especially while New South Wales pays the bill. Our own colony herein distinctly scores one. In the second place, even the sieter colonies themselves are half perauaded that they do really and rightfully ahiire in the honour (if it ie any), and New Zealand hae been audacious enough to fi.sh for a second-hand scrap of glory in connection •with the matter. Lord Loftus, whose soul ie among his poultry while his private secretary is embellishing his political sentiments, accepts the address moved by Sir George Grey, in the name of "New South Wales and the oth.fr colonies which took steps in aiding or tendering effectual aid to the Empire in time of temporary difficulty." And this he writes to our own Government, which did neither the one nor the other. Though conveyed in a letter of thanks, this is, whether intentionally or not, a snub, and it ia well deserved. At any rate, it bhown that New Zealand ie sentimentally isolated from the Australian circle. Herein one , is distinctly scored against our colony. ;

But finally what was the expedition all about? Aβ a display of patriotism it wasjin every way laudable ; and any man who jws as much soul as a mouse will concur in the opinion that, as a demonstration, the offer of troops was a true index of generous loyalty entertained by the colonies. .But it is when we go beyond this sentimental consideration and begin to talk about rendering " effectual" aid in England's "extremity" or "difficulty" (temporary or otherwise), that the absurdity begins. Does any reasonable being imagine that an expedition of 700 badly-trained and worse officered men could possibly render any " effectual" aid? Or doea any sane person believe that England's " difiioulty " lay in that direction, and that she could not easily have sent 10,000 more regular soldiers if ehe had chosen ? Her real difficulty was how to scuttle out of the imbroglio of the Soudan at all, not how to defend herself in it against half-armed and half-naked savages. Her " extremity " was nothing more than a "fix" on the part of the Liberal Government. Why insult and irritate the old country by talking about her salvation by means of 700 Antipodeans, who were only once within range of the Arab women and Arab goats ? But, it is said, the " moral effect" on foreign Powers must have been great. A great moral effect may have been produced by showing that the colonies could not easily be detached from the mother country by any foreign persuasions, but it would require the greatest possible ignorance to suppose that foreign Powers would be terrified by discovering what "vast reeourcee of men and money " England could derive from its colonies in the event of a

straggle with themselves. Unfortunately, foreign Powers know too much about the resources of the colonies, their small population, and their own defenceless condition, to be in any great alarm on that score.

As many of the more literary members of the Auckland community have made enquiries concerning the posthumous and "revealed" play of "Julius Vogeliue : the Quaestor," in the composition of which the Immortal Bard was unfortunately disturbed by " Anepex," it may be as well to give the last unfinished scene of that interesting drama. It will be seen that the " myriadminded" William has taken his usv al liberties in respect of anachronisms and araohorisme. Enter Julius Vcrfi.iu-, supported either side, by Roihckti's Kcbistiusami Jius. Tonus follows Junes.—My tariff! Oh my tariff « Robertas (aside to liallantius),— Scill harping on his tariff. J CLIPS —Ob my tariff ! Crammed down my throat ! ttor.Kurrs,— good Vogcliu.i— Julhs.—What thlnkcst thou, Robertas? Is my name Strijped of its lacquer? Do men coase t' admire My nizir.l skill, that from the vasty deep Called I'bautcm shapes of grand uimociaWoieiues ? Tell mo, Kobustius, aud reel not off Such soothing plant ides as are thy went. RoTiEimr*.—Why f peak'st thou thus ? What ploouniness is this ? D.itli that vile KOUt nftV.c'.thy throbbing toes? it indigestion wreols tliy cheerfulness? Or didst thou dream of money -bags list night? Itouso thee, Vegoliu'. Worse d»ys have hem ; The Julian star'hath passed beneath a cloud Full oft ere now. Haium'H'J.-Ajo: so hath mine. Time was when men did loot on mo awry And spoak of sewg»ws. Ji'LH's —Pooh ! no time is UiH To driro! motn'ries. None of us it boots To talk too much of p»st experiences. But, iinoe yo more case-hiinieneii MitiisUrs V ill sive me no plain answer, 1 must ask This erewlule follower of Greyius, Now manumitted. Yourn friend Tolius, Le»rn'd in tho law. we prey theo to proceed, And jiift'y- and of course religiously — Unfold us wh/ the Agent Oer.eraiship Or should, or should not, b:ir ui ia our claim To that cool little million scst«c»« v- Inch now we do demand. And luck foibid That ihu shouldit .fashion, wrest, or bow thy judgment— To (JO aifain't me Tom a. -Much. O Julius. 1 do misdoubt thy chance is rather thill, And only thru routdlt make it with a face Of suehuubln'htnt calm effrontery. Ballantiis — N'»r ! tliero I be? to differ ; for In brass I yield no tittle to VoieUus. Why rob me of tar • 11. my ore distinct And" cnly ministerial quality'. , JrLirs.— UalU'.itiua, mind thine aborigines; And lot tl eprae:or Tollni proceed. <> wise, younj judge, how T shall honour thee (If thy reply nt in with my desires). Tours.-When thon w.st chosen Afjeat-CJeneri], Tw.u for some duties owinj to the State. Nor was it meant that at I.ondinhun Thou ehouldst T.joy a leisured exlary For doing iiaujln but starling companies - (Excuse me wh I- I smile); nor w is it meant 'ill: t In the progress of tho Roman State Thine energies should take the cuiioU' form Of patronage to land scheme'. telephone, And other extra functions. Doubtless thsso ran best be woiko.i by Ag«nt-General', And doubtless thi\v con due to general weal— And specially thir.o own. But not for these The country paid that small sularUin. Julius.— Ia it so nominated In ths bond? TuLics.-It isn't. Julius. But what of tint? And, to my mind, 'tis more than pissing str&Rea How thou shou'.dst draw, wiut 1 tiara beard thac . Cl>l Thy " screw," for doir.g— goodness knows quit? ' whit: And when it comes to using jnst that skill (For which t on wast most noted, and for Trhicb The country chose thee) to tho special good P.'WiDdi-d'by '.ho rtete -f> floating loansThen straight, thou dost demand, with air as cool A s frost upon tuo icy Caucasus. Ia recompense » million seetrrcts. Bailaxttcs.— My gracious! When I dealt In jAudy wares Among the I'mbrUns, I meTer schemed So jolden a return. Rob f.p.t:'S.—Ea'.lan lias. ;:e lh.)U familiar, but by no manns vuljar. "We no.T 3reMlt.isters— Jt'Lius — And what's tho use Of tipirj- Ministers if ncthic; coraes Of titin. , such ? What's empty dijnity And pride of place ? Fij for such vanities ! i want one million sesterces, nor more nor less — At any rate not less—and then this seat, '1 his Treasury, this country, all this world, C*nrip •' ' It is to be regretted that the poet left off here, as it would have been gratifying to sea the fall of this incubus on the Roman prosperity. The meeting of the City Council on Tuesday night must have been an edifying spectacle. The warning tocsin had been rung by Cγ. Upton, and the potent, grave, and reverend signiors gathered round their doge for the transaction of weighty business. Their faces were long and their tempers were short. For some two years all had gone merrily as a marriage bell, and the heart of the City Council had been as light as it supposed its purse to be heavy. lint uow things had coino round quite the other way about. Many flowery speeches were indulged in, and one peculiarly original metaphor owes its hybrid birth to Cr. Waymouth, who said that the members were "at sea, like sheep without a shepherd, and hanging to the skirts of Cr. Upton's coat.. , " For sheep to be in such a position, either wVth or without a shepherd, is novel and like. Insolvency was btaring the Corporation in the face ; and were there not thoa^'present whose special mission in life it hftd. seemed to be to rate the insolvent citizen, and to holdup the enormity of his yguilt to public detestation ? Not, of " Auepex" would imply that bankrn*,t C y of a public body is as flagitious as tha/l o f an individual, Oh, dear no ! The bankrupt corporate body can cover itself with ij£ glory of retrenchment by reducing tWwages ot other people, and by any amount of vicarious sacrifice. But the bankrupycitizen must retrench upon his own pieaeurelfand conveniences, and that is where the deference of morality comes in —or somewh*e about there, " Auspex" cannot aay esjictly. But then the embarrassment of tijfe Council was brought about by no misa'jjp'ropriation. INo ! it was miscalculation ftiid anticipation of income. And yet when Jjitizen Smith does not keep his ledgers re* Q ] ar ly ) and never inspects his baDk-book/^ or when he anticipates some of next yeaX'g salary and so gets into debt, what is Ahat called ? And citizen Smith has to eign jfbillß and pay forty per cent, for temporary accommodation, in the hope and endeavour to ultimately right himself, while the City Council can contemplate " Debit balance £18,000 (or some such trifle)" with aquanir iity, because the interest is fair and no cons eUen t privations attend their august personal Moreover, there is that convenient sophism o f «< writing off to loan account." A little c/onsistency, if you please, gentlemen of principle. ArjSPKX.