VARIETIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVII, Issue 5656, 3 January 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A SOLDIER at "Woolwich h;s been guilty of naming hia infant sou Cetewayo. A bachelor merchant's advice in selecting -n : .> hold of a l )ltce of calico that will wash.

"Time works wonders," aa the woman said when eho got married after a thirteen years courtship. No woman can be beautiful by the force of features alone, any more than ahe can be witty only by the help of speech. There is a gilt th it is almost a blow and there is a kind wo-a that is munificence • go much is there iu the way of duiug things' Bonnets are net worn in heathen lands isdnce churches are not popular there It requires a new spring bonnet to develop the atent Christianity ot a woman.

A country euuor cays a nsigbour of his is so lazy that when he. works in the garden ha moves about so sluwly that the shade of his broad-brimmed hat kills the plants. Probably no magazine has ever floated with so little capital aa the Dublin University. It was started by six collegians, of whom Charles Leper was oue, who each sub=cribed £10.

Miss C. D. Brent, of Washington, has in her possession a lock of the hair of the unfortunate Alary Queen of Scots. Ifc is of a silken texture and a beautiful pale auburn colour.

Mr. James Emerion, of Manchester, N.Y. has had a hive or bets in the attic of his house for forty years. The bees have furnished plenty of honey, bull have never swarmed.

In Cochin-China there is a native race who have the great, too of each foot separated from the others like tiie thumb of the hand. It can be used in much the same manner, but of course in a limited degree.

A resident of Riverside (U. 5.,), in order to test the remarkable dryiug qualities of tha atmosphere, sliced up 100 pounds of sugar beets and plactd them in the open air. In two and oue-half days they were reduced to fifteen pounds.

A .Miss Joy was present at a party recently, and in the course of the evtniug same one used the quotatiou, " A thing of beauty is a joy for ever," when she I'm glad I'm not a beauty, for 1 should not like to be a Joy for ever."

There -were no religious services or Bermons at funerals during the early period of American history. The first prayer at a funeral in Boston was delivered as -late as 1766, and the first funeral'sermon was delivered as lite as 1753.

Of the caste of, colour, James Freeman Clarke, of Eoaton, recently said that "in America, if a man ia black we enslave him : if ho is red we steal his land 3 and massicre his wife and children ; and if he is yellow we won't let him come at all."

The phenomenon of subterranean waters having a regular ebb aud flow has been observed in coal mines in Germany. The scientific academies of Vienna and Berlin are studying it, and look for valuable additions to our knowledge of the earth'B interior. " Onida" is the pseudonym of Louisa do La Rame. She is of b'rench extraction, bat of English birth. Sbe adopted the nom de plume from her own childish pronunciation of the name Louisa, though it also carresponds to the French slang phrase, " Why certainly." Old lady (on donkey) : "Boy, boy, isn't" that very "dangerous ?" Boy : " Werry dangerous, indeed, inarm ; there was a lady a ridin' up here last year, aud the donkey fell, and the lady 'were chuked over the cliff and killed." Old lady : " Good gracious ! was the donkey killed too!" Boy : " No s marm ; that's the werry donkey."

A citizen went home from the caucus one night and asked his wife, "Did you commit an error or do anything out of character before we were married ?" "Why, no! What makes you ask such a question''" "Oh, I didn't think yon had, but I was nominated for a town office to-night, and I knew if yon had it would all be out to-morrow."

One million francs is the goodly legacy of M. Moiana left to the poor o£ Paris. The first distribution was of one-tenth of the total, and as 125,000 persons presented themselves, each got eightpence. When all is gone each will bave received 63 4d. It is an absurd bequest, for it wastes £40,000 without conferring any benefit on the recipents. Some sensation was caused at the House of Commons a short time ago by the discovery that some wag had posted up ia one of the principal corridors a clever drawing of Lord Bsaconsfield as a domestic cat witli nine tails. The likeness was excellent, and the nine tales were supposed to represent war, slavery, bankruptcy, imperialism, &o.

Joe Pentz toot a rifle to his wedding at Mark's Gap, Texas. The sexton tried to persuade him to leave it at the door on entering the ehurcb, but he persisted in carrying it across his shoulder as he walked up the aisle to the altir rail, flis explanation was that a rival suitor had threatened to shoot him on this occasion, and he meant to be prepared for defence.

A coagregation anxiou3 to get rid of their pastor, were considerably perplexed how to do it without hurting hia feelings. After considerable trouble ttiey concluded to inform him they were obliged to reduce his salary. A delegate was appointed to wait on and notify him of the fact. ' 1 Brethren," was the reply, " I have been with you in prosperity and I will never desert you in adversity."

Says Jones, " When I see Mrs. J. in the clothes yard, both arms as red as a burnt lobster, bared to the elbow and stretched high above her in their straggles with an unruly sheet, an apron over her head, her hair in her eyes, and a clothes-pin protruding from her mouth, it seems impossible that she is one and the same with the Miss Stebbins I used to feed on peppermints and about whom I used to rave so."

If a cat doth meet a cat upon a garden wall, and if a cat doth greet a cat, oh, need they both to squall t Jivery Tommy has his Tabby waiting on the wail, and yet ha welcomes her approach always with a yawl. And if a kitten wishes to court upon the garden wail, why don't he sit and sweetly smile, and not stand up aDd bawl; lift his precious back np high, and show hia teeth and moan, as if 'twere colic more than lo7e that made that fellow groan ?

The amount of water passing over Niagara Falls has been estimated at 10U,000,000 tons per hoar, and its perpendicular descent may be taken at loOft., without considering the rapids, which represent a further fall of 150 ft. The force represtnted by the principal fall alone amounts to 16,500,000-horse power, an amonnt which if it hud to be produced by steam would necessitate an expenditure of not less than 266,000,000 tons of coal per annum, taking the consumption o£ coal at four pounds per horse power per hour.

J. Hammond Trumbull of Hartford hai settled the dispute as to the meaning of th« word '' Chicago " (as St. Louis will be glad learn), by showing that it meaua skunk in all the Indian languages of that region. But in its uses the word became a synonym for strength, and was applied to thunder, the Mississippi river and a line of Indian Chiefs, one of whom gave name to the river by being drowned in it- The French wrote the name Chicagou, at first, and took Chicagona, Cfcit/ of the Illinois, to Europe with them 1725.

One Mrs. Van Auken, of San Francisco, installed a Chinaman in her kitchen. Tho following conversation took place : " What is your nime, sir?'' asked Mrs. Van Auken. "Oh, my namee Ah Sin Foa." "But I can't remember all that liogo, my man, I'll call you Jimmy." " Vell. v welle. .Now wachee namee I callee you asked Ah Sin, looking up in sweet simplicity. " Weir, zaj name is Mrs. "Van Auken; call me that-. J " Ob, me can no 'inembci Mis>s Yanuo Auken. Too big picci>e namee. I calie'e you Tommy —Missee Tommy."

London is spread over about 7000 square mile?. There is one death there every sis minutes, and one birth every four. Tho growth of the population is at-the rate of 75,000 a year, or 205 each day. Tho tot? leugth of streets in London is about TOOf miles : there are built every year about 900 ueiv honses, by which the length of th streets is increased by 23 miles. In tho gaols there are an average of 75,000 prisoners. The foreifiu-boin residents of London nunjllor v " about 105,000; bat 37 percent of bhoTfhwo : population were born out of tho city*