THE CUSTOMS OF THE ANCIENTS IN AUCKLAND.

New Zealand Herald, Volume V, Issue 1345, 9 March 1868, Page 3

THE CUSTOMS OF THE ANCIENTS IN AUCKLAND.

A PIUGM3NT FROM THE HECOKD3 OF THE PAST. The subjoined unique ejecimen of literature, under the above mysterious title, wae received some days since from an old gentleman of our acquaintance who is passionately devoted to the literary lore of thp nncienta. He ia reputed to be a profound antiquary and classic linguist, to be deeply read iu the mystic compositions of the Coptic and Sanscrit, ai also in the primeval language in vogue bofore the confusion of tonguee. He is also said to be profoundly versed in the writlngsof Horopollo, Spineto,and .VI. Ohompolion'Bi-Vm's du systcme hieroglyphique, and the comments thereon by Professor Mos-s atuart. lie has ii his study, among various other antiquities, a fac similie of the " Hosctta Stone," not to speiik of the yari us Eastern coins and pieces of ' hinese tea cheats, with wonderfully mysterious characters inscribed thereon. He hns a very lnrge picture framed and glazed, containing the i hinese alphabet amounting to upwards of 10,000 letters, and a complete catalogue of the inferior deities to Bralnna, Bishnu, and Siva. To confess the truth I never could muster sufficient patience to count these, seeing that there are probably not leas than some hundreds of millions of them. A vi.-iit we once paid to the old gentleman's study produced in our rrind a lingering suspicion that his antiquarian researches had slightly disturbed the balance of his reason, an idea that was very much strengthened some daye since when he showod his last grand discovery, which one of our staff immediately recog:iieed as a stray leaf of hia own stenographic notes which had slipped out of hie pocket as he entered the office. However the old oman ie a very amiable kind of person, and is much respected by the dealers and keepers of bookatalls, by whom he 13 considered a very good cueiomer, not over fastidious about the quality or extrini-ic value of merchandise. A few days since he called upon us in very great haste, and with an air of grave mystery handed us a bundle of M 33. A glance at the contents excited bur curiosity, and wo begged to be allowed to examine the original document, but despite our entreaties the old gentleman (who goes by the name of Old Fuzwig) could only be induced with much difficulty to favor us with a mere cursory glance at the outside of a roll of o'd dirty cartridge paper, while with profoundeat mystery and a sly little cbuckle like tbat of a miser who has unexpectedly discovered some hidden treasure, he said the document was of too precious a character to be exposed to the profane gaze of the unlearned. We are far, very far from endorsing the opinione, or agreeing with the conjectures in his in fact we aro inclined to think thdt ho must be the victim of an impudent hoax. However, we publieh hie MBS. as a dpeciraen of the curious literary results of a too powerful imagination, and an erratic genius. But let the antiquarian himself speat.

" A document has been recently discovered which will prove of incalculable value to students of Ancient History, and antiquarians, and which will throw the clearest possible light upon the cu.-toms of our forefathers, who, in agea gone by, lived and muved and had their being in this country, and struggled to build up that palladium of freedom we now enjoy. (Our contributor forgets that i"> ew Zealand was only settled by Europeans about a generation or so ago.—Tite Barnacle.) A learned cotemporary, antiquary and historian—the great Dβ Quinoy, has thrown considerable light upon the customs of the ancients, upon the origin of the Essences, and the " Casuistry of Woman meal ," and several other authors deeply learned in the lore of ancient days, have investigated those difficult and mysterious subjects, but I am not aware that their researches have extended to New Zealand. Ah, my friends! what a vast field of inquicy here lies before us, as yet unexplored ! Who shall earn the green aurels ? (our friend is quite verdant enough without'them— T. B.) Who shall occupy a niche in the temple of fame ? (or s> btraight jacket jd the Lunatic Asylum— T. B.) "Who shall cover himself with imperishable renown by snatching from oblivion the wondrous scenes and stupendous events, mysteriously enshrined in the " Records of ths Paet!" (The old buffer is growing rapbsodical—T. B ) Though lam far too humble and obscure an individual to aspire to so exalted an honor, (humbler pereons have occupied much more elevated positions—T. B.) Yet 1 cannot conceal from myself that I have discovered a priceloss treasure. (We wouldn't give a farthing forit —T. B.) which may be the bey to a vast field of knowledge, now locked up in the casket of infinite oblivion! (Our contributor ought for safety's sake to be apprehended under the Municipal Police Act, and 'locked up' also.) I shall first give a brief description of the Ancient Kecord, and will then give eitracta from it, with explanatory notes. (Wβ shall also take care to prevent anvone being mislead by the taid explanatory notes) —T. B.). This grand discovery was made some days since under the following extraordinary circumstances :—Some workmen were engaged in removing official records from a building somewhat lees than one hundred miles from the old Supreme Court (observe the mysterious cautiousness—T. B.) when one of them accidently discovered a secret recess. On examining the int. rior he found am »ng other ancient documents an inestimably valuable ecrol', wi ich he straightway brought to the writer whom he knew to be au antiquary of high repute (disgustingly egotistical !—T.8.)." I was immediately struck with the antiquity of the scroll, and cunningly persuading the workman that it was aim >at valueless, succeeded in inducing him to part with it for £20, and a pint of beer. (Victimised —T. B.) In truth it was a most ancient scroll, musty with the damp ot ages (it was slightly mildewed—T. B.), it had lain concealed in th« dark resting place where the hand of some ancient seer had deposited it, only to be brought to light in this age of civilization to reveal the mysterious past to our view. (Pity it had not literally been " brought to ligbt"—T.B.) The material closely «• sembled some of our modern paper (it was Government cartridge paper marked F. T. H.,1859,—T.8.), and the fastening thereof consisted of a curiously wrought rsd string (a piece of veritable red tape— T. 8.) On the outside was inscribed in ancient characters, the word " Private" (Thi writing we saw resembled that of a Government clerk—T.B.), together with the name of the ancient seer. It reeflmbled the following words: " Heyrekenne," and beneath it were " >ec. to O. I." or "C. J." I spent many hours in endeavouring to discover a clue to the meaning of the above mysterious words and letters. I at first supposed that "0. J." might mean Chief Jesuit, or Chief Juggler, tor Chief Jackass,—T. 8.,) but on lookiue more closely I felt convinced that they were no other than 0. 1., which I beli-ve after mature consideration to mean " Chief Inquisitor" (or Chief Interpreter,—T. B) Fancy my readers the horrible acts of oruelty and blind bigotry that may have been done in times past. The blood curdles to think of them. On the middle _of the document the word " Diary" is inscribed in bold characters, and beneath ie further written " Begun Bth June 63, ended sth July 64. Keflect, my friends, on the extreme age of this precious record of the Park Agea! For more than eighteen eventful centuries ha 9 this previous scroll beon hidden from human eyes, until in the inscrutable wisdom of * '* * * (We have a faint recollection of having noticed a long, perpendicular d'eh before the figures. T B ) ! shall now give some of the principal extracts from this precious * * * (We've had quantum su/oi that—T. B.) and wherever initials occur I shall endeavour to supply the equivalent word. Monday, let June, 'fi3— Commenced as Olerk to Chief Inquisitor. Criminals. ("S" may stand for " ecalped "or " suffered"—Old fuzwig. (Thia entry is continued until the sth June.) Monday, June Bth — Coolahan v. Pilkington, argument of demurrer. (No doubt they were justified in demurring to such cruel tortures as they were subjected to—O. F.) Interlocutory judgment signed, (another'criminal condemned O. F.) When Chief Inquisitor left engaged olearing up table and making room tidy, also making index to criminal note-book, Cnreparing for the horrible business.—O. F.) Took note enclosing cheque to old Mr. P. and told him to give it to the old gentleman himself, (ihe 'old Itb'.-Attended Chief Inquisitor, in nhambers. Petitions presented. (Poor wretches.— 'Wednesday, 10th June.—Tf military policemen come about reward to say that Chief Inquisitor is miik'ng inquiries, and that in u day or two he will jet them know his decision on the eubject. Preparing requisition for table and chair. Thursday, nth June—The Chief Loquiaitor here, but goes away immediately. Sent in requisition for K J. Cox applies for judgment bv default. (Tre tame gentleman, if we mistake not haa been a defaulter to a considerable extent. > T " -Tune 13—Bequuition for table and chair HDDroved. The Chief Inqui itor signs criminal returtiH In lh e matter °f prisoners—copied tre to Chief Inquisitor Despatob. same (i.e. iha pn-■onew-0.F.)

Monday, sth June—The Chief Inquisitor did not come down. Got table and everything except Inkstand from the Cook. The Chief Inquisitor told me that when I had nothing to do I need not stay heretill 3 o'clock. (Thia affords a clue to the working hours of the ancients—O.F.) Hard labor men moved Chief Inquisitor's cupboard. Tuesday, 16th June—Mr. Brickfield here. Appli. cation for Mr discharge on the ground of the 5s a week not being paid. (Did the Inquisition ac« tually pay 5s a week all the time they had a heretic in custody—O.F.) "Wednesday, lfth June—(Jot inkstand from the Cook. Thursday, 13th June —Bead memorandum to corporal Kelly about reward, and told him to tell Private Thomas to be here to-morrow. Corporal seemed perfectly to understand. "Went into L, for Chief Inquisitor and found a case for him. (How cool! mark the piofeasional affectation of the wretch already—O.F-) Saturday, 20:h June—Holiday. Q's accession. Monday, 22ud June—Engaged attending Chief Inquisitor all day. Left off at 5 20. - (Glutted with gore!) Tuesday, 23rd June—The Chief Inquisitor down.' sitting under the D's and !'s Act. (Quite time the wretch rested from his bloodthirsty labors.) " D'a " ovidently standa for " devils," and " 0 " may stand for " Crusty"—O,F.) ■Wednesday, 2-lth June—The Chief Inquisitor down (still sitting under the &c, &c.—O.F.). Thursday, 25th June—The chief Inquisitor down. Despatch Docs. (Poor Doca—O.F.) Friday, 26th June—The Chief Inquisitor down (hope he won't get up again). Saturday, 27th. —Saw him off to Taranati. Tuesday, 30th.—Sent in salary abstract (sensible fellow— I'. B.) Wedneeday, let July.—Did'ntcome down (sensible way of beginning the new month —T. 8.) Thursday, 2nd July.—Present. Friday, 3rd.—Absent —Militia (at the Moke, no doubt, —wonder whether he was a Waikato, T. B.) Saturday, 4th.—lll. (Duties too arduoui—poor fellow, T. B.) Friday, 17th.—Absent, ill till to-a The Chief Inquisitor here. Saiurday, 18th.—Sent tha Cook'e account to the Auditor- General. Tuesday, July 21st.—A Newman sworn in a J.P. (a "jolly phule"?"—T. B.) ■Wednesday, 22nd.—Mendamua.—(3arve you right—O.F.) Saturday, 25th. —Beceived 4 note books for Chief Inquisitor. (Business increasing, O. JT.) Monday.—Chief Inquisitor away, stayed at home. (Thaf a tight, do the amiable whenever yon can. Time'll soon come for another "ealary abstract," —T. 8.) Wedneeday, July 29th.—Nothing particular. (Stayed at hnme we suppose—T. B.) Thursday, 30th.—Chief Inquisitor here. Friday, 31st July.—Mr. Brickfield makes application, for an ad interim order of protection on behalf of Hunt. (We hear that the application has been repeated ns Hunt's Claim has been jumped.—T.B.) Saturday, Ist August —Chief Inquisitor looks in. No bußinese (heretics scarce.—O. F) (Good way of beginning the month. —T. B.) "Wednesday, August s.—Chief Inquisitor not here, (ditto 0.F.) Thursday, 6th Augnet. —XTnable'to comedown. (Come, I say, that's doing it too Brown —T. B.) Friday, 7th.—Chief Inquisitor not here. Monday, 10th.—Repeated Mr. , to push on the printers. (Push them where? to the torture room?—O.F). Wedneeday 12th.—The O. T . not here. Thursday' 13th.—Took Chief Inquisitor's receipt for the loan of £300 to Mr. Phentone, and got amount from Treasury ia cheque. Puid the same to Chief Inquisitor's account, at U.B.A. Friday, 14th—The C.I. here. Saturday, 15th.—The C.T. not here. Tuesday, 18th.—The C.I. here. Wedneeday. 19th. —The 0.1. not here. Saturday, 22nd.—The 0.1. here. Monday, 24th.—The C.I. here, I did not come down—very unwell. (Very regular habits.—T.B). Tuesday 25th.—Sitting undei D's and Cβ Act. (The Chief Inquisitor was evidently taking it easy. T. 8.) Wednesday, 26th.—111, did not come in.

Thurßtlay, 27th.—0.1. not here. Friday, 28th. —Ordered bill of exobange from bank £300. (High time a change -was made T.B) Obtained same, and handed it to Lhief Inquisitor. Saturday, 29th.—On the spree. Monday, 31et.—Ditto. Tuesday, let September.—Headache, (good way of beginning a fresh month —T. 8.) Saturday, sth September.—Ciiminalß. despatched (Poor S., 0.F.). (Aes. —T. 8.) Monday, 14th.—Despatched letter about passage of self to Wellington. Tuoaday, 16th.—R. W.W. here. (Probably Bight Worshipful Wiseacre—T.B.) Wedneaday, 16th.—0.1. not here. Monday, 21et.—0.1. not here. Saturday, 26th.—Nothing particular. Since last —0.1. not here. Tuesday 29th—Sit till 4.30 p.m. (Should hare lain down—T.B.) Wednesday 30th.—Sat till 5.30 (do—T.B.) Friday, 20th October. —Nothing particular since last. Monday, 23rd October. —Mr. Smith called. . Tuesday, 24th.—Sitting under D. and O. Act (why not lie down under it ?—T.B.). Wednesday. 25th.—Chief Inquisitor not here. Thursday, 26th.—Sent in account for travelling expenses (to the Q.O.E. and back.— T. 8.). Saturday, 28th. — Chief Inquisitor here for a minute. Monday, 14th December. — Nothing particular since last. —01. not here. Tuesday, 15th —Beverage here. (Wonder whether it was Commiesariat rum—T.B.) January let, 64. holiday. (Good way to oommence the new year—T.B.) Monday, 4th.—l came into office. Chief Tnaniritor not here. April 27th. —Nothing particular since last. Examination. (Doesn't say whether he was plucked ; admire hie reticence —T. 8.) April 28th. — Keceived approved requisition for I letter book, 200 envelopes, 200 quill pens, 4 reams foolsoap (for himself—T.B.), and twenty hank* re* tape. April 29th. —Nothing to do. Awful dell—think I'll have a doze. July sth.—Just woke up. Think I've been to sleep, memo, for to morrow—send in xalary abstraot. OH Fuzwig merely remarss in conclusion, " After carefully re-perusing the above diary, it does certainly seem to me that the ancients loved the ple»eures of indolence-" (Thero has been, we may add, very little change in this respect during the eighteen centuries our esteemed contributor refers to, the officials of the present da} being quite as partial as the otium cum dig. and to the prep iration of " salary abstracts, aa their auceetors. —T. 8.) ~ TITB BABKJ.CIX.

POLICE COTJBT.—Satcrdat. (Before J. H. Home, Esq., J.P., and T. Scott, Esq. J.* , . Drunkenness.— John Cooper and John Doyle were punisted for tnis offence. I J- mbezzlbment.—Edward McAllister was placed [ in the dock charged with having on the 22nd of February, at Auckland, while servant to Charles Granville "Whitely (prosecutor) received into posieseion, on account of hie master, the mm of £1 whioh he (prißonerJ embezzled to his own use. Mr. James Russell appeared for complainant. Charles G. Whiteley. a farrr. r residing at the Wairoa, deposed to the piisoner being in hi* employment on tha 21et February : witness ee.,t him into Auckland 10 receive a sum of money from T. and S. Morrin. Told him that he would receive a letter from Messrs. Momn, which, he was to take charge of. Prisoner did not return and witness had not sinoe reoeived the money. —James M. Brigbam, cashier in the employ o£ Messrs T and 8. Morrin, deposed to hiving received a letter from the prisoner on the 22nd February and in consequence of whu-h he enclosed £4 in a letter, and handed it to prisoner, giving the latter 10s aliO on his own account. (rteceipt produced ) Prisoner said when he received the money, " What if I efacfc to it ?" Witneee said, " You had better not "—The evidence having been read to the \**m*t, e»A the usual caution given, pruoner said he had notHMg toofferindefeuoe.— The BeacH committea hini ftr trial at the uext criminal eittinge of the Supreme Oourfc. This conoluded the bn''a9«g.