ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume XIX, Issue 1029, 17 March 1920, Page 23

ENTRE NOUS

TWO men sat down to dinner in a . Wellington restaurant the other day. Near them was an open door, and the draught from it sent chilly breezes up their trousers. One of the men got up and shut the door. A waitress came along soon, and opened it again. As soon as- her. back was turned' the man got up and shut the door. A waitress came along soon and opened it again. Directly her back was turned'the man got up and .shut the door once more. The nexf time the waitress came along she opened it with the remark, addressed to the air, that she " had to have: this door open." The ~man watched the waitress disappear into the kitchen,, then he got up, shut the: door with considerable violence, locked it, and put the kfey in his pocket. " I ought to get the Yictoria Cross for this," he said to his friend. " Well," said the other, " you've certainly got the Waitress Cross."

•'.We received last week-end from Gisborne No; 2 .issue of a quaint little four-page" demy-quarto paper called '■ The Jacobite." It is published quarterly, and makes ' the quite superfluous boast " The only Jacobite paper in >New, Zealand." Perusal of its contents ihow that the Jacobite sentiment 'dies hard, and that there are people who still hang tender and wistful recollections round the records of the illstarred Stuart dynasty. " The Jacobite " reminds its readers that "January 30th last was the anniversary of the murder of King. Charles 1., and for the past 27 years the King's beautiful equestrian ~ statue at Charing Cross has been annually decorated with floral tributes by hosts of admirers of the martyred monarch." It also mentions that Sunday, -February Bth, was the 333 rd anniversary of the execution of Mary Queen of Scots at Fotheringay Castle, in 1587.' No . vestige of the old castle now remains, but on a tree which grows on . the site where Mary Stuart breathed her last, and where her blood stained the soil, wreaths have been placed from time to time by those in whose hearts'sufficient love and loyalty remain."

. Finally, here is a par of special interest to New . Zealanders: "Students of the '45/ and their name is legion, will remember the important part played :by that venerable nobleman. Lord Pits\igo. Three men, according to some authorities, made the '45 possible—Lochiel, Lord George Murray, and • Lord Pitsligo. Needless to say, after Culloden, the victors hunted Lord Pitsligo from pillar, to post, and, many were the hairbreadth escapes he had. from the Hanoverian soldiers. Deprived of both title and estates, _ and the object of Government suspicion, Lord Pitsligo died in. 1762, at the age of 84.' The Barony of Forbes was never restored and the present heir of this ancient family is Sir Charles Forbes, Bart., of Picton, New. Zealand, who is consequently the rightful; Lord Forbes of Pitsligo."

The Hon. Tommy Wilford with his wife and daughter left for San Francisco last week-end, and before he went he sat down with a pencil and paper and wrestled with the exchange rate. He came to the conclusion that if he took £600 with him he would only have £400 when he got to 'Frisco, and that without spending a cent, for that was all his six hundred jim would be worth in American money. This bit of arithmetic hjirt, and he cast around for ways- and means of getting even, with perhaps a bit extra for himself. His first idea was to buy a shipment ofhides, sell them when he got to America, for American money, and get square that way, but somebody told

him that hides markets in the States were liable to fluctuate at awkward moments. So he looked into the question of rabbit-skins, but again some guide philosopher and friend advised him not to, as he : was not, an' expert, and; might get landed with a bad shipment. He hadn't solved the problem when the boat sailed, / so his £200 is gone, with not even a whisky to show for it.

An enterprising farmer in the Rangitikei district settled tlie same problem in a manner calculated to make the Yanks sweat quite a few extra .dollars. He decided to make the trip, and take with him a couple of prize bulla. As these animals are commanding fancy'- prices in America just now, he should be well on the right side of the exchange profit and loss account by the' time he has. finished his travels.

New »Zealand will find Lord Claud Hamilton, one of the equerries who is accompanying the Prince of Wales, a very English-looking young man. During the few days the Trince spent in, camp in the Canadian woods Lord Claud appeared in all the correct sporting kit of an Englishman in the wilds —Norfolk immaculate linen, cap to match, etc., while H.R.H. clad himself in ahorts, high woollen stockings, heavy military boots, a well': worn trench waterproof co'ait and an old slouch hat. And he showed; them that he could shoot, too.

A Sydney business site in Castlereagh. Street was auctioned the other day. Messrs J. and N. Tait wanted it for a new theatre, and bid up: to £123,000. The David Jones softgoods firm also were anxious to get it, and they secured it at £124,000. . . .

Dear Free Lancb.—ln your issue of the 10th inst., in an article on the new appointments to the Cabinet,- among other things presumably indicative of Mr Parr's claims to Ministerial rank, you write: —

" . . . Mr Parr's fellow legislators picked him from ;a- big aspiring crowd to form part of New Zealand's Parliamentary delegation; to visit the Western Front, 1 and he came back with some ideas about the business wnich -did not please' either Sir James qrV; General Godley. for he was quite outspo-ken'in-his criticism, of the General."

Now, if there is one thing more than another, which raises doubt as to Mr Parr possessing the qualifications essential in a- Minister, surely it is this very thing.

If by "jthe business." you mean "the war,'' what ideas could the New Zealand Parliamentary delegation possibly have picked up during their visit to the "Western Front' that would either please or displease Sir James Allen or. General Godley ?

If, in your opinion, the fact that Mr Parr chose to listen to the tittletattle of a few disgruntled soldiers, and carry those tales- back to New Zealand, and here, give them currency, and make an indefinite attack against a man, who was helping to do his country's job 14,000 miles away, and whose very position, Mr Parr well knew, debarred him from speaking in his defence • if, in your opinion, that indicates a fitness for Ministerial rank, I am not alone in taking leave to differ from you.

Any ideas of the New Zealand Parliamentary delegation, or of Mr Parr, about "the business" must have been, I feel sure, matters of entire indifference to bath Sir James Allen and General Godley, as they undoubtedly were to the members of the New Zealand Division; but, I do not doubt, the conduct referred to did displease Sir James Allen, for, if there is one thing above all others worthy of admiration, it is Sir James Allen's loyalty throughout to those upon whose advice he has been bound to rely. .

I hold no brief for General Godley; but _ I da sa.y he has never received justice-at'the hands of the people of New Zealand. New Zealand has: been prone to listen to the veriest tittletattle about him, as it has so often done concerning other very gallant sol-

diers .of louver rank. Time alone' will show to what extent New Zealand is indebted to the man.

As for'Mr Parr, I believe he has the ability and capacity for Ministerial rank, not; because of, but in spite of, his conduct on the occasion under review, which you, apparently, think of ao highly.—l am, etc., Tout att Contraike.

Sir Martin Conway, the • mountain, climber, is pre acting to Londoners' the gospel of " Going Up." He says London is, sprawling too far afield..,. In its search for fresh air it must, like New York, go up, not out. Instead of going forty miles out, its people must go forty storeys up. The solution of the transport problem is to . scrap the slums and build sky-scrapers.

One of. the romances in the story of mining in Tasmania_ is the rise of that fare metal osmiridium" from goldfield junk to something eight times the value of the stuff we often read about but seldom see nowadays. In the old days in Tasmania the miners. used to find bits of osmiridium mixed up with the go Id j and as as it was difficult to separate from the yellow lucre it used to be heartily cursed. To-day osmiri T dium fetches £30 an ounce, and the demand is insatiable. They have lately passed a new mining Act in " Tassy " making it compulsory for miners to send in reports of the output of osmiridium, and its source. The old story, of course—what's precious, to-day may be dross to-morrow. Someniay they'll be giving sovereigns away with a pound of tea. - *

By the same token there was once a time when anybody could have a goat tor the asking, the onlycondition being that the new owner should keep the animal tethered a safe distance from the communal clothes line. But ~fche so at is frisking- pretty lively these days of commercial enterprise. , The other day a goat was auctioned at a stock sale at Rockhampt-on (Queensland). The meat fetched twenty shillings at the butcher's, the hide raked in another quidlet. and the tallow brought the grand total up to £2/17/-.

A relic of the bad and blood-thirsty old. days in Queensland turned up the other day in an old, old newspaper. Among the advertise'ments was the following, inserted by an enterprising hotelkeeper touting for tourists: "Splendid sport. Alligator shooting. Sportsmen are reminded that it takes a first-class, rifle ta- bring down this splendid game. (A miss in many cases is fatal to the sportsman.) Rifles always on hire. A shot at a nigger can always be relied on, a large camp (Slyalls) being only two miles from the hotel." /

This is a war story, but it is a good one. A Digger who was fed up of * front line melodrama decided to do • a -little bit of lead swinging, so he shammed deafness, and did it so well

that the doctor was puzzled. He calledin. a brother medico, and explained the- - situation. £< I kriqw he's lead-swing-ing," said the puzzled one, '' but I can't catch him. napping/' The other medico examined the case.' " I think he's deaf all right, but he's very low in condition. I'd put him to bed if I were you, and diet him on alcohol? for a day or so. Give him stoniit at eleven o'clock, a bottle of beer at; dinner, champagne about tea-time, 'and.a nip of whisky the last thing at;-. night." Some days after he looked into have a look at the case. " Well," said he. to his brother man of pills, "did you put him on,the diet I toldv you?" " Yes," said, the other. " You — liar!" said the disgusted deaf " patient." . ' . - - '