BUFFOON VILLAGES

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXVI, 19 April 1934, Page 3

BUFFOON VILLAGES

COMPETITORS’ COLLECTION INTERESTING AND AMUSING The ‘''Observer” recently offered ,i prize for tho best anecdote of a. buffoon village—a, village which is the butt of its neighbours. Interesting and amusing was the collection furnished by competitors. The story of tho farmer who, when Ins calf got its head stuck in a gate, cut off the bead, is told of Coggeshall, Tideswell (Derbyshire). Wcsthoughton (Lancs.), .Maclieu (.Mon.), Nopend (Glcs.), and Houghton Regis (Beds.) Among tho villages charged with having put the pig on the wall lo nee*the soldiers go by . are Wineheotnbe (Glos.), Lnmhcrlioad (liven (near Wigan), and Lla.iisamlet (Glam.) At least three places are under suspicion of having "hanged the monkey,” the monkey being the soie and hairy survivor of ashipwrecked foreign vessel; in the Mcgavissoy (Cornwall) version lie was the advance-guard of a Napoleonic invasion. • Coggleshail seems to be a common butt: it.appears so even in the local rhyme Braintree for the rich, Booking for the poor, Coggesbal for the follish town, And Kelvodoii for the boor. One of the legends refers to the church, which the villagers wished to move to a better silo:— So they removed their coats, putting them at the east end, and fell to pushing the church from tile west end. They pushed for about half an hour, and while they were thus engaged, along came some thieves and stole their coats. At the end of the half-hour they went round to the cast end, and, not seeing their coats there, they were overjoyed to think they 'had pushed the church over them. It was at Coggleshail, too, that the hand was told that its music sounded better from outside. The players at once put down their instruments and went into the street lo listen ! The old tale of how the men of Gotham grew a hedge to keep in tho cuckoo is now told oi'Riscn (Mon.). According to one competitor, all persons from Risen are still called “cuckoos.” Spondon has a local fame as the place from which a party of yokels went to Derby and recognised the local luminary as “The Spondon Mime.” Ebrington (Glos.) manured the church +<• make the steeple grow higher. Haddonham (Bucks.) built- a roof over the vilinge. pond to keep tho ducks dry. At Steeple Bumpstcad (Essex) a proposal for a new windmill was rejected on the ground that (here was hardly wind enough for one. Two places compete, for a disparaging suffix: Tickill-God-holp-us ' (Glos.) and Orcop-Gotl-help-us (dies.), * * * *

Other anecdotes may be menlioned:— The old weavers of Rooden Lane ,afew. miles north of Manchester) are supposed io have done the most nonsensical things. One story concerns two men who, on going, to bed, remembered that they had not a match iri I lie house. In those days matches were dear. One of them got up, went down, and begged a match from a neighbour. Oii his return', and when Ihev were settled in bed. the other man said: “We haven’t tried that match., whether it's a good, ’uii or not.” Instantly it was tried and found to he a good one! * V * #

Two men were horn simultaneously, lived near each other all their lives, and died tho same minute. As a result, they found themselves side by side in the next world. In silence they studied their surroundings. After some time one remarked, gloomily, ‘.‘After all that w e have board. ofheaven, it does not seem to be such a fine place. It is not much better than Peebles.” After a further period of silence the other murmured, “Maybe we are .not in heaven.”

The inhabitants of the village of Over, Cheshire; werojipresented by the squire, one' Christmas, with a cake of soap apiece. The following Christmas they declined a similar gift, alleging that the previous consignment had caused an outbreak of acute indigestion.

An inspector, on a visit to an elementary school in the city of Aberdeen, was questioning a class of small boys on tho .Scriptures. He asked one (who had just been transferred to the school) what lie knew about Solomon. The boy remained silent, but the next was quick to explain this—“Ho winna ken, sorr, he’s fra Buckie.”

At Tangmere a lad was seen groping about outside the village shop on a pitch dark night. The light from within illuminated about six srninro yards of pavement. “What be lookin’ for, George?” lie was asked.

“I’ve dropped a shillin’.” Soon a dozen or more were helping George in bis search. At last someone asked: “Wlicer did ye drop it, George?” “Over theer,” pointing to a dark spot about twenty yards away. “Over theer? Then why do ’ee looiv for ’un ’ere?” ‘ ’Cause there’s more light ’eve. ’ * * * *

Garvagh is one of the places in Ulster which is always having fun poked at it for its excessive Orangeism. On one occasion tho Garvagh football team—aß stout Orangemen—were playing the team of a neighbouring village, which was ICO per cent. Roman Catholic. -Garvagh felt tha.„ t lie eyes of the world were on it. They won, and alter tho match one Garvagh man was heard to say to another, “Man, Wullie, there’ll he sore hearts in the Vatican the night: * * * *

The piize was awarded to the sender of the following:— One of many stores of ila.wortn, of Bronte fame, where the crows tv backwards way to keep the dust ono of then* eyes: Haworth Hand luul been competing in a brass band cuntest, and had won first prize. _ Returning very late on Saturday night, when most'of the villagers had gone to lied, and wishing to proclaim their victory, but at the same time without disturbing the sleepers, they lnaichen. through the village in their stockinged feci, their boots hung round then necks, playing at th e top of thenform, “See the Conquering Heiu Comes.' ’