PRIZE "HOWLERS"

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXI, 17 April 1928, Page 2

PRIZE "HOWLERS"

Surprising declarations ate contained in the list of schoolbfy “howlers’’ which has wort a, prize in the “University correspondent.” competition.

One learns that, “after twice committing suicide, Cowper lived till 1800, when he died a natural death.” Newspaperdnni will he interested to learn that. “Alfred the Great started a Chronicle, and this still exists as a morning newspaper.” We are told that "a. blizzard is the inside of a duck” ; and everyone will he interested to learn that “ton whole world except the United States lies in the temperance zone.’’ The masculine of vixen is vicar, am! ' Polonius was a mythical sausage.” Thr-ie is a shock for devotees of Shakespeare, who will learn that he “lived at Windsor with his merry wives.”

“A Trade Union is a place to which a workman goes when he gets the sack,’’ tmd “the chief duties of an ALP. are to' go to sleep when another man is speaking, and force his party into power..’’ Anabiguitv “means telling the truth when you don’t want, to.” A Soviet, is a cloth used by waiters in hotels; and to lie called to the Bar is to he. treated to a drink. Tn the mathematical and scientific section one learns that “average means something that hens lay their eggs on.” and that “a phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis.” Phlebitis is alleged to be a disease frequently taken by people in charge of menageries; while “gravity fells ns why an apple does not go to heaven.”