WEEKLY ,WHISPERS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XLII, Issue XLII, 12 September 1908, Page 2

WEEKLY ,WHISPERS.

// Here's a hole in a" your coats, I redeye tent it ; A chiefs among ye latin notes, And, faith, he'll print it. — Burns. During Fleet Week at Melbourne the remarkable conduct of a young woman, employed as a domestic servant, at 9 Gladstone-street, Essendon, was reported. The family went out to attend the review at Fleimngton, the girl being lett in charge of the house. At 4 o clock her employer's son returned home ana found the girl lying on the floor of the dining-room, bound and gagged, sne said she was in the house by herself, and heard a noise in the yard. Suddenly the back door was opened, and she saw a man standing in the doorway He said : "I want to come in." She said, ' 1 won t allow you in here." She alleged that the man then rushed at her, grabbed her round the body, threw her down, and •punched her. He bound her with a pair of braces and pieces of window-cord, and stole a gold brooch from the front of her dress. The police were informed, but the young woman quickly broke down under examination, and admitted that the whole of her story was false, and that she had pinioned herself, and tied a towel round her head and face. She did it because she wanted to go out yesterday, and they left her at home to look after the place. She thought that if it appeared that she had been assaulted, she would not be left at home by herself again. He was extremely absent-minded, owing to a life of excessive nagging with his wife. The stormy scenes that he had gone through so preyed upon his mind that he could hardly think of anything else. Being left in sole charge of the baby one evening, he discovered that there was no lamp-oil in the house, and, not daring to leave the baby alone, he took the child with him to the oil-shop, armed with the baby in one hand and the oil-can in the other. Sit down quietly ; there's a darling," he said to the oil-can, placing it on the counter ; and handing the infant over to the shopman, he added : "Just fill this up with paraffin, please." : He was visiting a charming young woman, and as they sat on either side of , the blazing Jire ttiere entered his heart a burning desire to say something not merely complimentary, but brilliantly suggestive. So, after revolving the matter in his mind during a ten-minutes' silence, he said : "Ah, Miss Lilian, why are those fire tongs so like — like your Frederick?" Of course he meant her to give it up, and then he would say. "Because they glow in your service," or "Because they are prostrate at your feet," or perhaps something even better. But Miss Lilian did not even give it up. Looking so solemnly demure that the clock almost stopped, she inquired : "Is it because they have two thin legs anti a brass head?" Then followed another burst of silence, which lasted until the tea came up. The American hustled into a nonsmoking first-class carriage. The train was scarcely out of the station before he, without even the customary "Do you object to smoking?" was puffing out clouds of smoke from a huge cigar. "Pardon me," said an Englishman sitting next to , him, "but would you mind putting out that cigar I object to it. This isn't a smoking-carriage." "I guess I've made it into on?," drawled the Yankee. This annoyed the Englishman, and at next station he called the guard with the intention of telling him ; but the American was too quick. "Guard," he drawled, "i think you'll find that this gent's travelling first with a third-class ticket." It proved to be true, and the Englishman was ejected. "How did you know that he only had a third-cIaES ticket?" queried the inquisitive passenger. "Waal' sail the American, "it was sticking out of his pocket, and I saw it was the same colour as mine." Mr Brown was one of the most genial •men, and, as an election candidate, he always tried to make hjmseli at home in any surroundings. He' was, however, very shortsighted, and this defect once proved his undoing. He was calling on a working-man voter. After sitting in his kitchen for pome time, and having created, he believed, a favourable impression, he prepared to depart. Observing a baby's cradle in the corner, he went over to it, and, looking at the fat little bundle outlined there, he remarked : "Ah ! Mr Smith, what a fine little one you have ; going to be a, splendid specimen of humanity; asleep, I suppose?" "Well, mister," said the father, "if you ' mean that in the cradle, it'll be a long time before it wakes up. "That's the ■ clothes for the wash." Then the cindi- ' date went out and kicked himself. ; Tho American saliors ashore at MclJ, bourne on the oth inst. from the Fleet 1 were keenly interested in a man from tho Minnesota, who turned up at tho Federal Government's entertainment i on tho previous night. "Did you 1 hear about the dinner they had ready for us chaps last night?" a sailor ' askod, referring to the fiasco. "No," ; replied the others. "What -was that?" "I read it in the papers this morning," continued the first speaker. "The Government spent 3200 dollars, and only one sailor turn- • ed up." "Had a good time?" ask- ; ed tho others. "Had a good time? > Why,4tthad the time of his life. He 1 was Sgdjjix times, and bad 45 men to wait onhim. He was treated like an admiral." "Did ho tip those 45 waiters like an admiral?" asked one of th-e group. This question "went unanswered. During fleet week in Melbourne an ' American sailor, accompanied by a , young woman and the necessary witnesses, called on a suburban minister, aud the pair were married according to the rites of the Presby- > tenan denomination. The minister ; declined. when seen, to givo the > names of the happy couple. He said I he was averse from performing the '■ ceremony, as the couple were total 1 strangers to him, but they said that if ho did not unite them they would fro somewhere, else, and, as the law was complied with, he finally consented. "I must decline to givo particulars," ho added, " because for aught I know the bridegroom may have been transgressing the disciplino or the American Navy by getting married at all, and I acted in the matter with extreme reluctance." There were no sailors of the Fleet present. The clergyman asked the eouplo to go into church, but they preferred to be married in his study. The man said his term of service would be up when the Fleet arrived home again, and that he intended seeking some pursuit ashore, • • • . . Nearly all surnames originally were descriptive of their owners. The Parkers were keepers of noblemen's parks; the Warners were warreners or rabbit tenders'; the Barkers prepared bark for tanning; Forster meant a Forester; Webster a weaver; Wright- a carpenter; Vava-sour.a vassal; Falconer, a tender of falcons; Bradwardine, or Bearwardine, a boar warden; and so on. The instances may bs quoted indefinitely'— but one wonders how the great balance of unassorted surnames got adopted. Of course "canting" or punning heraldry worked callings into crests and coats of arms, and presently coats of arms supplied surnames. Then, peoplo began to take names because they were pretty, without special meaning, and so at the present there- is little significance to be attached to the fact that a man is a Smith or a Warren or a Brown, or a Robinson. The main mystery, however, is in the hyphenited surnames. Originally intended to designate intermarriages, they are now a mere vulgarism — usually a combination of two common names which have more sound than sense. The battleship Collingwood, the new Dreadnought just begun at Devonport Dockyard, is named after a great -seaman who was second in command at Trafalgar. "Old Coll," as Nelson affectionately called him, was associated with the groat admiral almost throughout his naval career. and Nelson had a high opinion of his friend's professional qualities. At Trafalgar Collingwood led the lee column in the 100-gun battleship Royal Sovereign, and, owing to an alteration of course.

;ot into action before Nelson, who vas leading the weather column in he Victory. As he broke through he enomy's live, pouring in terrific broadsides of shot, Nelson laughed, md said — "See how that noble fellow Joliingwood takes his ship into action! How 1 envy him!" ***** Two King Billys! Writing to a friend in Aelson, Mr \V. Lock «onvpys the information that he had a very anxious time in Germany, being nearly "run in" for taking notes in front of the Palace at Pottsdam while the soldiers were manoeuvring! The other King Billy is suspicious of "a i-hiel amang Jam takin' notes." If a cyclist on a more or less lonely footpath in the outskirts be caught in consequence of complaints of footpath riding in more frequented localities he is fined, generally 5s or 7s 6d, or perhaps even 10s. If a gang of pothunters break the 11th Commandment ("Thou shalt not be found out"), for the first time they also get fined 10s and se, the Magistrate, for some inscrutable reason, deciding to deal with them with "exceptional leniency." Now, it is as easy to catch a footpath-riding cyclist as it is to fall off a log in the proverbial manner; whereas to secure evidence against the persistent deer-shooter and trout-lifter is a job so difficult that the local Acclimatisation Society has hardly ever succeeded even in getting a case as far as the Court, although poaching is very rife. Some time ago, in the Nelson Magistrate's Court, the Bench declared that the vermin who provide prohibited persons with strong drink deserved a substantial punishment even for a first proved offence, because of the extreme difficulty in securing evidence to convict. With regard to deer, ■ trout and quail poaching in this and other districts. Acclimatisation Societies are hampered and hindered for a similar reason. Henco, it is a pity that Magistrates do not realise that the moral effect of a substantial penalty when a conviction is secured will be very creat. When it is acknowledged that the efforts of the Acclimatisation Societies to furnish good sport by the conservation of game, if successful, are likely to bring a good deal of money into a district— sport smon are a«™>'swood spenders— it will be admitted that the selfish pot-hunter should not be allowed to have it all his own way.. If the ooachers would let deer alone in the P in^« iwisnn the ohnncps are thnt better bead* mi<»ht b* secured w'thont the ne-ce'sit-v for a two or three days' tramp beyond the city's *n~