NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume IV, Issue 161, 12 July 1869, Page 2

NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

I am quite aware that I have not chosen a very attractive heading for my ramblings, but the fact is that I am suffering from a severe attack of cacoethes scribendi, which is only to be cured 'by a little judicious ink-lettiug. If further excuse is necessary, why I may mention that I am acquainted with certain editors and authors who have at different times sat down to their desks under precisely similar circumstances ; so, that if I err in publishing my disconnected scribblings, I at all events, do so in excellent company. I have been studying politics lately, and have devoted a large portion of my time to the consideration of the Native question; the result of my researches is that I have got into a most complete muddle, but here again, I don't think I stand alone, but that a very large number of the people if New Zealand, including many of her leading politicians, have arrived at exactly the s^me stage with anr equal ;. chance of getting beyond it. I find that Mr. Stafford proposes to raise another loan, and' to go in big licks. This,! am inclined to think, is the better plan, but still it has its _ drawbacks ; suppose,, for instance, that the Natives only break put ia fits and starts, come out and murder a few settlers, drive off their flocks and herds, and^theb^retire into; their fastnesses, ; and break up into little lots, how are we to geib at them to puhisli them? are we all / .this time to '■, keep up a large force which, .perhaps &t*thei precise moment ; fixed uppn7 i ; for>a raid, ? may- hiappieh to be in some other* '- \ place y where ; the aspect of things is more-

threatening? If it is intended to "go in systematically |for the destruction of our enemies, then I say let us have the loan, and the sooner we. goto .work. the better, but if the old plan of temporising with, and being humbugged by, the Maoris, is td be persevered in, why just let us jog along in the old style, — at once admit that the Maoris are better men than we are, and come- to the conclusion that it is no use borrowing money to spend upon an object which is unattainable. I have taken some trouble iv dissecting Mr. Fox's resolutions, and I confess they puzzle me not a little. Suppose the House adopts them, aud it consequently becomes a law as unchangeable as those of the Medes aud Persians that we are uot to spend more thau £150.000 a year in defendiug ourselves ; the natives, for the first eight months of the year, are very troublesome in all parts of the Island, so much so that it is absolutely necessary to maintain a considerable force to protect the settled districts — either this or abandon them — and by the end of that . time the sum fixed upon is spent, what are we to do for tbe next four months? Does Mr. Fox propose to head a deputation to Titoko Waru and Te Kooti, humbly requesting them to refrain from hostilities until the next financial year commences, because, owiog to the action taken by the House at his suggestion, there are no sinews of war nt his command. You see when you begin to think about these matters you are bouud.to enter into miuutiss, and ouce go into them, and look forward a little to what is to follow your present actiou, and you are sure to get, as I have done, into a muddle. The only conclusion I can possibly arrive at with regard to Mr. Fox's proposition is, either that it means nothing, or that it is an unnecessarily round about way of sayiog that if the expenses of the war can be confined to £150,000 they shall be so, and if not we must spend as much more as may be required. I think I have stated my views with all the impartiality of a Judge's summing vp — if you believe the prisoner is guilty, say no, if you don't, say he is not. Talking of Judges reminds me that I have been haunting our Law Courts lately and gathered a good deal of experience there. j I think I should like to be a Judge, I don't mean, to have all the bother of studying law, and waiting long weary years for a brief, and all that sort of thiug, but to be a sort of Heaven-born Judge, to drop from the clouds into the Judicial chair, with gown, and bands, and a bewigged head all ready crammed with Coke upon Littleton, somebody upon jurisprudence, and somebody else on the law of evidence aud so on. It must be so pleasant to sit there and hear counsel on different sides trying to get you over to their way of thinking, arguing, and quoting precedents, and telling you that Judge so and so at one time decided in such and such a manner, thus delicately hinting that if you wish to be thought a clever fellow you ought to do the same. You smile benignly on Mr. Scylla, and he thinks you are inclined to favor him, and then you nod encouragingly to Mr. Charybdis, and he at once feels certain he has booked you, and then when they have finished, you tell them they are both wrong, and they both look exceedingly foolish. Yes I should like this sort of thing. By the way, I often wonder what was the name of the Judge who first ventured to give a decision upon a point of law. I notice that if you want a Judge to decide a question you must first show him that somebody else has done it before him. " 'Twill be recorded for a precedent," appears to be the Judges' bugbear, and so they always seem afraid of being the first to give au opinion. I wouldn't mind being . a counsel a bit, I am speaking comparatively, and mean by this. that. l would rather be a counsel than a client. I have no - particular reason for'! this preference,! but merely that "a bird in the hand is wortli two in the bush;" perhaps there 7 may be some people who have been to law who will understand what I mean. A policeman's billet would suit me very well, but one great objection is that the pay depends upon the Provincial Council, and that is undoubtedly ia great .drawback. I shouldn't like to bea prisoner, because it must be so unpleasant to be kept in a state of suspense^ -'add. to feel ; that: your '"'fate depends • entirely:; upon the _ .-.omission or otherwise of the word "Not" before ; '} Guilty." Even if the ■ Jurj^say that you are; notvguiliyj ~ifc; 'doesn't always follow

that they are quite right, and the sense of shame that you feel at having been placed iv so unpleasant a position, the cynosure .of all eyes, is heightened by the .prickings of conscience. Then if you should happen to be convicted, you have to appear in public in a most objectionable costume. I am rather particular about my dress, aud certainly should not like to come out in gaol clothes. A prisoner here always ' looks to me like a great overgrown Rifle Cadet in a miller's cap, who has iuadvertently'seated himself upon the t:ir-s tained cattle-brand of. say, Mr. Nathaniel Gingerbread, the initial letters of whose name are carried about by the said prisoner on a most conspicuous part of his clothing; fortunately the part affected does not come within range of his vision, so that of course he is perfectly unconscious of the appearance he presents. AU these thoughts flit though my mind as I sit in Court, aud. when I leave it at dusk iv the eveuing, I see, as I wend ray way homewards, a character that I do envy. Of all professions, the ono I should like to follow is that of a lamplighter. I was, always fond of riding on horseback, but to do this with a ladder on the near arm, and a bottle of kerosiue stuck in the off boot, must be the very height of bliss. It isn't everybody who can afford to ride in these hard times, so I presume a lamplighter's office is a very lucrative one, aud I certainly shall apply for it the next time a vacancy occurs. I drew a moral the other' day from the Nelsoa lamplighter and his horse. I don't mean to lay it down as a general rule that there exists any inseparable connection between lamplighters and morals, but shall merely state what occurred to me in this instance. It struck me that so long as a man has a hobbyhorse which he insists upon riding, he invariably makes au exhibition of himself, but let him dismount, aud get to work with a will at his legitimate business, let him mark out a given poiut as the height of hi 5 ambition, set against it the ladder of perseverance, mouDt step by step until he reaches the desired point, and he afc once sheds abroad a light that not only reflects credit upon himself, but is useful to others. I think I have put that rather neatly, so I shall not say any more now, for fear of spoiling wliat I have already written. RAMBLER.