CORRESPONDENCE.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume IV, Issue 42, 20 February 1869, Page 2

CORRESPONDENCE.

To the Editor of the Nelson Evening Mail. Sir —Economy being the order of the day, and as we must have the son of our Queen to visit us, I beg to submit the following programme to the Royal Reception Committee. Ship of war is supposed to have anchored outside the harbor — H.R.H. to be met by the Commodore of the Port, leading his fine fleet of coal tar yachts, who will introduce him to Billy Spain, who will describe to him the exact spot where the early settler threw his last sixpence overboard, as described by the Nelson Almanac, 1865. Billy will then deliver him to the commander of the oyster fleet, who will point out the extensive beds over which the Houses of Assembly placed their protection last session. IIR.H. will then enter the harbor, and be made over to moustachioed Jack, who will point out to him the intended site of the graving dock, which is to be built when the province is out of debt, and, in case H.R.H. may mistake them for gibbet posts, explain that the singular looking posts on the left were meant for swinging ocean steamships. Some member of the happy family will then take charge, on accouhtofthe intricacy of the navigation, and draw the attention of our royal visitor to the intended boat landing, which is not at all times accessible. Tbe Luke will then approach the Government Wharf, if that structure is still standing, and be shown the rat and blow-flies as seen by the correspondent of the Evening Mail, care will be taken to well whitewash said rat and flies so that they may present a conspicuous appearance. The whole of this time, the lime kiln will make repeated discharges of dense, black, smoke. The Prince will then be conveyed by the present or ex-royal mail carriage towards town, and be shown the extensive ship-building establisnient3 on the Haven-road, whose staffs of busy workmen and apprentices will continue working in order to enliven the scene. He will also be shown that extensive hostelry the London Tavern, and his attention be drawn to that splendid specimen of Nelson architecture, the fine, one span, saltwater bridge, with the mansion and outbuildings of Thomas Berry, Esq., on the right. Some explanation should also be afforded with reference to the English church in a line with Toi-Toi Valley, otherwise he might take that elegant structure for a woolshed. H.R.H. will then be delivered over to the custody of his Honor the Superintendent and the members of the committee, when a procession will be formed in the following order : — Bankrupts, Mortgagees, Mortgagors. This is supposed to comprise the entire population, should there be any left, they can bring up the rear. Trusting my remarks may prove of some service to the committee, I am, &c. Duke Humphrey.

To the Editor op the Nelson Evening Mail Sir —You are a wonderful fellow. It was only yesterday I suggested that you should recommend a somewhat roundabout correspondence between the powers that be, on the subject of the telegraph clock, and this morning I find that Joshua has been communicated with, circumlocutionally of course, that he has taken his prohibition off the sun's continuing his journey, and that the sun's renewed progress has affected the clock, which is going again as though nothing had been the matter with it. Next time I have a grievance won't 1 just come to you to remedy it. Your obliged, VIII. 55.