HERE AND THERE

Northern Advocate, 15 August 1931, Page 8

HERE AND THERE

(By “Maloja.”)

I believe that a festive occasion dur* ing the week revealed unsuspected talent. For instance, there was brought to light a poet who moved the audiened to melodious song. An informant tells me that the song, the tune of which suggests itself, ran* as follows: — The Prcsby young men had a dinner, To which came many a sinner; Said the girls, “Oh, dear, See the food disappear; No wonder they’re getting nq thinner.”

“Yes, T want an office boy. Do you smoke?”

“No, thank you, sir, but I don’t uind having an iec-eream cornet.”

Somebody says that ex-King Alfonso was heard the other day singing: “I ain’t gonna reign no more!” g) IS 81 IS

Last week I published a paragraph! slating that a lady visitor to Scot* laud, when passing through a cemetery,* noted the following inscription on a ! tombstone: —

HERE LIE Two grandmothers with their two* grand-daughters, I Two mothers with their two sons, ! Two fathers with their two daughters,! Two husbands with their two wives, j Two maidens with their two brothers,* and '• Two daughters with thdir two mothers.| Only Six in the Grave. ' Following is the solution of the prob-

The two sons each decide to marry the other’s mother, and as a result of the unions each has one daughter, in which event the 'mothers each become a grandmother and the two daughters each become a half-sister to the two sons. Thus: Two grandmothers, their two grand-daughters, two mothers, their two sons, two fathers, their two sons, two husbands, their two wives, two maidens, their two brothers, two daughters, their tyro mothers.

“So you are planting vegetables again this year. Were they a.succesa last year?” . • “Splendid! My neighbour’s hens took first prizes at all . the poultry shows, and .they gte practically nothing but my vegetables.”

A Spoonerism Is a saying in which' first letters of words have 1 beCn; twisted around to change the meaning. They are named from Archdeacon Spooner, who was a master of the art: “A fat belle on my arm, squeaked and then died”; is, of course, “ & bait fell on my arnl, squeaked and then died. n ■ ' ' : : 1 - ■

■GTwb* ".•greafci-iiwici-i'-ctf mice came together and • brushed their coats”; which is reported to be Archdeacon Spooner’s description of a disaster to some unfortunate people* in which ' r< two great masses of ice camel together and crushed their boats.”

And a remark of the Archdeac6n ta his elderly aunt: — ! “I see you are as hairless and cappy as ever.’' (CareleSs arid happy.)

Mr John Burns, once President„ of the Board of Trade, spoke at a din* nor in London recently. He claimed the right, “as the man who had slept both in Pentonville andj Windsor .Cattle;” to comment incisively on housing conditions, and concluded with ft side shot at motorists, who, he . dd* dared, displayed too much mobility, and insufficient nobility.

‘ ' IP . ,•; ’’ * (Farmwife’s Version); J If you can rise at five, while all th<j 3 family ) Sleep sweetly on, and leave, it all to s yqu, j And still can radiate a cheerful pa> tience : Nor call them till, you’ve made their i breakfast, too; If you can wait for them still aweetiy smiling, i Nor worry if the food they, criticise, • Or hot and tired, don’t give way to frowning Because the bread you’ve set has fail* ed to rise; ’ If you can work and not make work your master, , ,- r Still cherish dreams, and always play the game; ' ■ • - If you can sec your' menfolk scattei ashes, . And sweep thein up,, nor speak .ono word of blame. If you can bear to see the floors you’vo polished, Tracked up by muddy shoes on careless feet, < Or see your bric-a-brac and chink broken, And yet, when asked forgiveness!, 7 cari be sweet; ■ ;■ • If you can hang your line with all your washing, And then go out, and And it in th«* • dirt, And do it once more, as in tlie begin- , mng, ‘ , And do not look too sour, or feel too hurt; If you can sweetly smile on early callers, Who waste your time, nor soon away are gone, ■ - And Hurry to replace those ‘idle moments And so from morn till eve keep bravely on; If you can wait on crowds and keep your temper, And do not feel too cross, or look too glum, If you can hurry when your feet are weary, Yet do not rave too much, nor keep too mum; If you can fill each nnretnrning moment With sixty seconds ’ worth of busy life, Yours is a sweet and generous disposition, And —what is more —you’ll majee a fanner’s wife. —“The Land.”