FUN AND FANCY

Northern Advocate, 4 February 1928, Page 7

FUN AND FANCY

CURRENT HUMOUR A NIGHT AFFAIR. “What’s become of that pretty young actress I saw last year?’’ “.She’s starring!’’ “And the young fellow who seemed to be so devoted to her?’’ “He’s still mooning.” £ K & ONLY THEN. “But you are not always bothered with poor light, are yon?” inquired the gas company’s clerk. “Oh, no, not always!” replied the complaining housekeeper. “Ah, I thought so. It’s only at certain times that yon notice it, eh?” “Yes: only after dark!”

85 85 85 85 A CANNIBAL. At a New York restaurant the coloured waiter was handing round the cakes. “Waiter,” said a fair young damsel, “I will have thkt chocolate eclair.” “Madam,” said Sambo, with offended dignity: “Dat's ma thumb!” 85 85 85 ■ 85 NEED FOB HUBBY. Boy: “Hurry up, policeman. A man has been knocking father about for half an hour.” Policeman: “Why didif’t you summon me sooner?” Boy: “Father was getting the best of it till a few moments ago.” 85 85 85 85 WHY? The conscientious father ceased chastising his son. “And now, my boy, tell me why I have punished yon.” The boy wont on crying. “That’s it,” he said blubbering with indignation. “First you pound the life out of me, and then you don’t know what you’ve done it for!”

$1 THE SAVING ONE. Me Andrews, the chemist, (at 2 a.m.): ‘‘What do you want?" , Sandy: “ Two-pennorth of bi-car-bonate of soda for the wife's indigestion. ’ ’ McAndrews: “The idea! at this time of night, when a glass of hot water does just as well!" Sandy, (hastily): “Weel, weel! Thanks for the advice: I’ll no bother ye after all. Good night." m , ss SOMETHING WRONG, Ikey met Aaron as he was walking along the street, and their conversation turned to the Sabbath. “Oh, by the vay," said Ikey, “1 dropped half a sovereign in the plate at the synagogue last week." “Did you, Ikey?">’ answered Aaron, astonished. “Vat vas the matter with it?" ® x m W. HER INTEREST. A lady who took a great interest in her servants and their welfare, recently engaged a new maid. “Have you any special interest, Mary?" she asked in her kind way, “Anything you are taking up, or that you care about?" “Well, mum," replied the simple Mary, “I ’ave been taking up with the baker’s boy, but I don’t know as ’ow I cares for ’hn much!"

[i] & W: s& HE PROBABLY WOULD. The kindly old gentleman felt very sorry for the tramp. “My goodness!” he gasped. “And you say that you are 13,000 miles from home?” “That’s right, sir,” answered the tramp hopefully. “And where is your home?” “Australia.” “Dear me, dear me. Take this, my good man. And how do you ever expect to get back there?” The “good man” looked hard at the penny in his hand, “Well, if I don’t do better than this, ” he said, thoughtfully, “I s’pose I’ll have to walk!” JjtJt EVERY PICTURE-TELLS A -STORY. Two boys were teaching another youngster to ride a bicycle. After getting him safely into the saddle they gave him u push and off he went down a hill. Horne time passed, but there was no sign of the cyclist, so the two went in search of him. Meeting an old lady, they inquired if she had seen a boy on a bicycle. “Indeed no,” was the answer. “I have seen no one except a boy sitting in a ditch mending umbrellas. ”

’& gs A TRUE SCOT. A Scot was entertaining a guest for the night. The evening was spent in weighty conversation, no offer of liquid refreshments *being made. About 10.30 p.m. the host, said, suddenly, “Now, how about a wee doch-an-doris, eh?” The guest rubbed his hands and chuckled, “Splendid!” So the host, smiling genially, rose and put Sir Harry Lauder’s celebrated song record on the gramophone. 'AI 'M ® M THE TOWN’S PROPERTY. A town clerk had the misfortune to lose his leg, and being very much respected by the members o'f the corporation, they bought him an artificial substitute of the latest design. Some time afterwards he had the bad luck to hurt his other leg, .and two old ladies belonging to the town were discussing the matter, when one remarked to the other: “Ho you ken, Janet, whether it’s his ain leg or the one that -belongs to the toon that’s got hurt ? ’ ’