HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 63, Issue 60, 12 March 1938, Page 11

HUMOUR

Guarantee & Parker asked his tobacconist to lend him live pounds, and promised to pay back at the end of six months. Not wishing to offend a good customer by refusing, the tobacconist decided to grant the request. “By the- way, ” he said, before handr ing over the money, "what guarantee can you give me that you will be in a position to pay me back at the end of six months?” "That’ll be easy,” said Parker. "I’m giving up smoking during that period.” <S> «$> <^ Artful "What I want,” said the man to the dog dealer, ‘ ‘is a restless, fidgety sort of a dog.” "What kind?” replied the astonished dealer. "A fidgety kind of a dog; one that will make my wife keep saying: 'William, I think that dog wants taking out for a run.’ ”

"And thank you for the cigars, oh, yes, they’re here in front of me! ”

Far From Home * ‘What are you smelling my fish for?” demanded the fishmonger of tho customer. "I’m not smelling him,” replied the customer. "I’m only talking to him and asking him what news from sea.” "And what does he say?” "He says he doesn’t know—he hasn’t been there these three weeks.”

"And please give me each gift in duplicate as Dad always plays with my

toys. ’ ’ A boy entered a chemist’s shop and said: "I want three pennyworth of ipacacuanha. ” The chemist tied up tho package and tho boy said: “Dad wants you to charge it to his account.” "All right; what’s your name?” "Shermerhorn. ’ ’ "Take it for nothing,” said the ckemist; **l’m not going to spell ipecacuanha and Shermerhorn for threepence.”

* ‘Do you think you cau do something for this car!” “Yes, I could unscrew the number and put another car to it.”

"Well, Billy,” said the hostess at the children’s Christmas parly, "you appear to be in deep thought.” “Yes,” replied Billy. "Mummy told me something to say if you should ask me to have some more cake or ice-cream or anything—and I’ve forgotten what it was! ”

The captain’s country-house. More Howlers A Cypriot is a kind ot fruit resembling a peach. Peevers is the general name for those people who are always complaining. Au altercation is what happens whfu you get married in church. Pharmaceutical means relating tu agriculture. Quintets are comforters for five babies.