The Trip Home

Manawatu Times, Volume 61, Issue 141, 17 June 1936, Page 14

The Trip Home

TOURIST'S OPINION PATRONISING ENGLAND I don’t know how you fool about it, but l am beginning,to grow just a little weary of seeing patronising and inaccurate accounts of life, iabits, and intorprovinoiai geography of tho Union as written by tourists on a flying visits, and published by magazines which ought to know better, says a writer in the Cape Times, By way of a change I proposo writing a tourist's iinpres-, sions of England on the same line, and I hops it catches the eye of a few potential libellers of South Africa, Tho traveller who leaves Cape Town on a visit to Europe should not fail to spend a litle time touring England, which is a small island oil the coast of France. The capital of this old-world country is London, a town of considerable sizo and situated about eighty miles from, the English--beach, Southampton, where quite a largo number of ocean-going steamers stop on their way to the more important European centres. London, or Londonderry as it is sometimes called, is quito famous in its quiet little way, and the main thoroughfare, BateliHe Highway, is as picturesque and twice as dirty as Hanover street, Cape Town. The methodical tourist, of course, will have taken care to fit himself out with all the clothing he needed before leaving Johannesburg, or Graaff-Reinet, or wherever ho comes from, but should tho need arise to replenish his wardrobe, thro are some passably good shops in Bond street, a drowsy little backwater in the West End or hinterland of London. > . In the matter of accommodation, the traveller would do well to consider putting up at the Regent Palace Hotel; here he will find the place swarming with fellow exiles, and for all intents and purposes, he might just as well have remained in South Africa. Most of the servants in the Regent Palace speak English. The Buildings Although London cannot show a building to compare with the Post Office in Cape Town, there are one or two creditable architectural attempts; notably the police station at Newington Butts, the public washhouses, Marylebone road, and the Dogs' Home, Battersea. The Tower of London, which, of course, is the official 1 residence of the King and the Prime Minister, is also worth a visit. On Thursdays and Saturdays by paying an extra ninepence

tourists may have a shrimp tea with the Prime Minister. The theatre in London is built on quite up-to-date lines, many touring companies being engaged, sometimes for as long as two nights at a stretch. There is also a cinema which will very shortly be wired for talking pictures. Not far from London aro the twin correspondence colleges, Oxford and Cambridge. Situated on the banks of the Osiris, these two schools have quite ‘ a little history. It is said that Queen Elizabeth never slept in either of the places, in itself something of a record on the part of that much-travelled Monarch; and there is also a statement made quito oponly that General Smuts attended both the colleges, turn and turn about but this must be taken with some reserve. One of the outstanding events of the ■school term is the annual boat race between Oxford and Camridge. Many poople, particularly parents of the children competing, line the banks of the little stream to cheer tho boats to vietory. Whichever side wins there is great rejoicing and tho revels are car-, rid on until a late hour, after which a well-earned night’s repose is sought in Vine street. iSport plays quite a large part in tho lives of these simple islanders. But the official brow frowns on anything approaching gambling. For this reason tho Derby, a horse race, is run at Epsom, the idea, being that if the police got to hear about it they would rush up to Derby to stop tho event, and by the time they found out that Epsom was the real venue the whole thing would be ovor. The Beauties Thousands of people attend the Derby every year; civilians, soldiers, airmen, and sailors. Tho latter, looking very neat in tho blue uniforms, must not be confused with Epsom salts. (There is a staggeringly funny joke here if you only read that line ovor a dozen times or so). One of tho beauties of England is that everywhere is so close to everywhere else. This seems to be a wise move on the part of the Travel Agencies for permitting the tourist to got.around the country in as short a time as possible. Thus, it is but a stone’s throw from Epsom to Ewell, supposing anybody ever wanted to go there. As nobody ever does, the visitor might just as well turn his attention to a survey of the watering places, or seaside resorts, as the English term the coast. It is here that the stranger finds the unrestrained Britisher at bis best. From early morning until late at night there !is constant activity; municipal authorities vie with each other in catering for the exodus of the townsmen, so that the old and the young, the weak and the strong, the hale and tho infirm all find something with which to amuse themselves at tho same time enhancing the tourist value of the resort.

To tho South African, used to the Monastic Monotony of Muizenberg,

such exuberance may appear to bordor on the vulgar, but it must be borne in mind that the English have a quaint idea that children are only young once, and with that belief in mind hold that a holiday at tho seaside should contain as much mental refreshment as physical. How truly comical these foreigners are, to be' sure. In the matter of food South Africans will find much to marvel at. The national dish is roast beef, but what beef! Instead of the beautiful, lean bootupper with the laces still attached that adorns so many tables in tho Union, the English beef is served in a goldenbrown condition with tho fat actually adhering to tho flesh! When cut the natural circulating fluids of tho animal may bo seen to escape from under the knife, and the natives positively give this to their young! Trials of Travel. Vegetables, of a kind, are served with this so-called beef. Potatoes that arc more like balls of flour than anything else, and cabbago without a particlo of water in it. How the South African sighs for the gorgeous little marbles of wax, each with its full quota of "eyes,” and the luscious sloppy, brown duckwmed that go to make the potatoes and cabbages of his own land! But there are the trials of travel, and .they must be borne if wo are to see how "the other half” lives. ■ Prohibition has never been introduced into England, but facilities for procuring strong drink are not encouraged, to which end the law forbids public houses to servo intoxicating liquor between certain hours. The wisdom of this measure can bo readily realised by anyone who has watched a bar full of thirsty toilers drinking against tho clock in order to catch up with the "closed” hours. There are two indulgences that will never bo made unpopular by legislation, and drinking is one of them, only nobody could ever convince a politician of this. , London will probably be the headquarters of the majority of visitors, and among the sights that should not.be missed ia the changing of the guard at Waterloo, the seat of military and naval control. The guard is composed of a blank file of Roughriders, all of whom wear brass breast plates and white gloves.

For the traveller with plenty of time to spare, two days can be very pleasantly occupied in seeing London, but for those who are in a hurry this guido should be all-sufficing.. A picture gallery is a picture gallery wherever you ■ go, and to journey six thousand weary miles merely to gaze at a lot of mouldy old

portraits is something this writer has his own opinion about. For the rest, souvenirs of England can bo bought very cheaply at such places as Madeira, Las Palmas, and Capo Town; all ports of call between the two countries. Having made tho voyago the true Afrikander should remember ever afterwards to drag into all and every conversation a few re fcrences to his "Trip Home.”