WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Manawatu Times, Volume XLVI, Issue 2077, 18 March 1922, Page 5

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

- . . - , I GLEANINGS FROM THE WAYSIDE. (By "Diogenes.") t l The fire of indignation at Longburn . iover school matters has been burning . I far too long. The Hon. J. C. Parr is a nice, j amiable gentleman, who would give • away his very soul, if he had one. and . something to boot. But he was an ungenerous Palmerstonian who rei ferred to him as the Hon. Mr. 'Tart." The cattle tick is very troublesome : j in some portions of the Auckland province. Other forms of "tick" are creating more anxiety in the southern , portions of the island. Owing to a shortage of string in ; Greymouth, grocers have been tying up their parcels with red tape. The Government has, apparently, not. yet sole control of the latter commodity. i A Chinaman named Fun has been j arrested in Wellington on a charge of | having opium in his possession. If jthere were no Fools, there would be no Fun. A doctor, Avho has tested his theory, states that radium, if taken as medicine, would have remarkable effects on our health. Which may account tor the fact that in certain no-license areas thirsty souls have taken to drinking Radium boot polish. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in an article to a London paper, states that Hell is a myth, but that purgatory is a fact, and should be regarded as a. spiritual hospital. "But what odds? It was the barndoor cockerel that soliloquised, "To-day we are roosters, to-morrow we arc feather dusters." As to which is the best "howler" lever produced opinions differ, but here is one which (says the London "Morning Post") takes some bea.ting: "Kangaroos are pouched animals which, when there is danger, put their young into their opposums." A country minister who was a. guest at a wedding recently, presented the bride with a large type Bible and later on when proposing a toast at the breakfast explained his reason for selecting this present by saying that in so many houses where lie was called upon to perform christening ceremonies, he was given Bibles with such small print to read from that it tired his eyes badly. According to the "Ashburton Guardian." the canny Scot still flourishes in Dunedin. judging by the experience of an Ashburton resident to the southern city. Being short of matches, the Ashburtonian approached a passer-by with the ancient formula, "Pardon me. have you a match?" "Yes. thank you." replied the Punedimte sweetly, and passed rapidly on his way. "How's this?" asked the lawyer. "You've named six bankers in your will to be pall-bearers. Of course it's all right, but wouldn't you rather choose some friends with whom you are on better terms?" "No. Judge, that's all right. Those fellows have carried me for so long they might as well finish the job." At a country school in Southland recently the headmaster was giving some of his advanced pupils lessons on proverbs, and a day or so afterwards asked them to repeat the proverbs he had given them or any others they had learned. When it |came to the turn of one smart pupil, he quoted quite a new one: "The cock croweth, but the hen delivereth the goods." Two friends were having an argument as to whether it was correct 10 say of a hen that she was "setting" or that she was "sitting," and, not being able to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion they decided to submit the problem to Farmer Hodge. "My friends, he said that don't interest me at all. What I want to know when I hear a hen cackle is whether she is laying or lying!" The "Napier Telegraph" says: The l Prime Minister was due to arrive at Wairoa, and the good people of the ! town, who had not had a visit from i a. Premier for many moons, decided to j hoist all the available flags, and every j flagpole was soon ornamented with a j flag or a piece of rag. One resident had the pole, but no flag could he find, even a suitable piece of coloured rag was not obtainable —so he hoisted his front door mat! According to English papers, "stocks of oatmeal are accumulating in Scotland with extraordinary rapidity, because: the artisan classes are giving up eating porridge." Scots, wha hae on parritch fed. Scots, wham ithcr nations dread, Is it true what's bein' said? Na! it canna be! A chiel amang ye takin' notes. Says that Scotland's tired of oats. Frae Galashiels to John o' Groats; Show him it's a lee! Pinna say the thing is true; Brither Scots, 'twill never do. England soon wad hae for you Scorn and contumely! What will be a scurvy loon? What will let their Scotland doon Wha'll gi'e up his parritch spoon? Hoots! awa wi' ye! A correspondent writes: —-"Why not make another appeal for the. widows' mite for St. Helen's Home?" Why not? Because the widows are not particularly interested and because they might not. "Pussyfoot" Johnson is coming to New Zealand. Some people regard this as a "catastrophe." A Palmerston North lady, who has, in her years of discretion, attained the distinction of a happy marriage and a family of seven, speaking of the reIcent breach of promise case in Wellington, naively tells her own experijence in that city some twelve years I ago. She was ardently wooed by an j eloquent young policeman. During ithe hearing of his action against her for a broken heart, she admitted in evidence that in return for his loving words, she was quite willing to supply her delectablo cups of tea and cookies ; on his morning beat; but the limit of jher endurance came when his daily love letter was posted without a stamp 'and she was obl'ged to pay 2d. The jury was sympathetic. . The teacher asked the class at a Wangantii school if any of the pupils could tell him the meaning of vacuum. After a while one little boy held up his hand and remarked: "Please, sir, i it is a place in Rome where the Pope 'lives and. irtifire thare »Mt any. air,''