SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 204, 4 August 1883, Page 3

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRESIDE, -i THE GALLANT YOUNG MAN. [ByOhunck. 1 A great ladyikilling spry young man ; Though awfully modest and sly ; youna man — "Witbaleerandajeer, when bo male ia near,. To give him a smack m tne eye.young 1 , man.

Drill-Instructor to recently-joined rer cruit: "As you were! As youwere, man!" Recruit : "Hanged if I *now where I were!" . Boy, can Igo through this gate to the river?" politely inquired a fashionablyaressedlady. " YeVm ; a load of hay went through this morning," was tho urchin's horrid reply. "Captain, we are entirely out or ammunition," said the Berjreant of a company of Volunteers to bis Irish' captain at a late review. "Entirely put?" said the captain. " Yes, entirely out," answered the sergeant. "Then base firing," said the captain. . Bella' has i ost started out with her swam for a walk, when her little brother called to h*r, " I s&y, Bella, don't you bring tbat fellow back b-re to tea with you. Mamma says there ant roore'n enough biscuits to go round as it is." . . Good Enough.— A waggon containing a calf m a case was m the 'market with a farmer's wife m charge, and a butcher with one eye to veal stepped up and inquired:—' 1 Madam, is that calf for sale?" ♦• Yes eir" •' Is he a Durham 1" " He may be." "Isn't an Ayrshire,; is he?" "Like enough." " Don't you know his breed ?" heiaskedin a surprised voic*. "No I don't." "Then how do you expect to sell him ?" " All I know about that calf is that his father hooked a justice of the peace to death and his mother chased a female lecturer two miles, and if that ain't breed enough to ask §4 on you neednttake him !" The butcher said the breed was all 'righk~ . An old Scotch lady travelling m a Sunday train, #as eeyerely reprixanded^y her minister on the Btation platform. He finished his scolding with' the remark, V*> You're not going to so»and-so. You're going' to bell !" "Well, ; well," was thereply, aB the train began to move, "it a all right, I've got a return ticket." JTwoold schoolmates met yesterday, and one of them ask^d about a third, •• Why, didn't you know _?".. answered the other. 41 Arthur is- now a member of the Legislature:" A tinge of sadness came over the face of the questioner, as he murmured : "Poor fellow!" and then changed the subject , 11 What is this man charged witnf asked the; judge.: "With whisky, yer honour,"'replied the sententious pohcß« man..: -»:l' '■-■•'■ ; "'- : '- : ' : ' . An editor m the. interior of tbe States wrote a brief local, averring tbat «• windows of the church need washing badly. They are to dirty for any use, and are a disgrace to our village." The compositor WH3 but human* and could never allow such a brilliant opportunity to pass by unimproved. The paper appeared, and the pooracribe wilted clean down into his boots when he 'discovered that the word "windows" had been transformed into '.f widows" and at last advices he was barricaded m his sanctum, endeavouring to explain the matter through the keyhole to a small army of wild»eyed women, dressed m Mack "anil armed with clubs.