BRIEF MENTION.

Marlborough Express, Volume XLIII, Issue 240, 7 October 1909, Page 5

BRIEF MENTION.

"A little nonsense now and then, is relished hy the wisest men."

Pull gently at a weak rope. Take- things by the smooth handle. Biliousness is a liver complaint often mistaken for piety. "

J A Me is a very poor substitute for i the truth, but 'tis the only one dis- ' covered up to date. The fellow with an abiding faith is he who believes implicitly in himself, even when he knows-he is lying. In India there are nearly twentysix million widows. Good Lord, preserve us. "In choosing his men," said the Sabbath school superintendent, "Gideon did not select those who laid aside their arms arid threw themselves down to drink. He took those who watched with one eye and drank with the other." There is something pathetic about the way many people who are no longer young dwell lovingly on the i good old days. It is so cunningly deceitful and full of.harmless malice! In the good old times, long ago, I long ago; In the good old times long ago. In the good old times, there were no such crimes, As a daily paper show. Q c t. 7.—Born: Win. Laud, Archbishop of Canterbury, 1573; Chas. Abbott, Lord Tenterden, eminent naval and mercantile jurist, 1762. Died: Sir Thos. Chaloner, statesman and writer, 1565; Di* John Brown, founder of the Brunonean system of medicine, 1788; Dr Thonias Reid, eminent Scotch .metaphysician, i 796; Edgar Allan Poe, American poet, 1849. Most of the people who sing "I Wish I were an Angel," would be very much hurt and annoyed" if their request for a pair of wings were acted upon. There are thousands of young men. slouching about with bent shoulders who would personally benefit immensely by military training and discipline. ■ ! A funny old fell©*1 of York - . Had a.profile like that* that ©* a ;.,;,;«■■. •; ■ '; stork; ' •-; ■.:.. . ; . :'.• ■■- •.■ • He, saw .one. at the Zoo,. ; ■■•■ And they 'both remarked > "Whew! ' What a beak for extracting, a ■;■ cork!" . ' ■ i' "Have, you got a license for that dog?". ; asfe»d Police-Constable Watt upon seeing a fox terrier in the house Of Mrs Henrietta ! Preston, at Hull. "Have, you got a licence for that face of yours?"■retorted the woman. ; A lady who offered to adopt any. baby selected by the Cambridge (England) Guardians has been informed that no mother in the workhouse could be found who would part with her child. , ... , ~i :\ . r ; Mary Backstop: "Did he tell you' life with him would be one" grand," sweet song?" ' •'• ■••■■■■•. ';•■ ' Maudie Sidestreet: "No; he said.it would be one. grand, bevelled, sweetr toned, silver-coated, indestructible phonograph record. Two cricket matches which, were played on Yarmouth Recreation Ground on Saturday, August 14, began at the same time, the two teams which batted first each scored 73 runs and the last wicket on either side fell simultaneously. \ •', Macdougall: "Yon's an awfu' like sight to see on the Sawbath, Angus!" Angus: "And what awfu' like sight do ye see, Macdougall?" , Macdougall: ' 'There's Archie ■, an' his- lass smiling and hurrying as if it was a week-day, just."—Punch.

While proclamations of^marriage were being read at a Kilmarnock church a woman rose in her pew and cried, "I object." She explained in the vestry later that "the Lord in a vision" had; commanded her to take this course. She's—in—the—asylum now! '; ■'"■■■■• •■• ■ ■■-.■■ :' Bangs: "I think I'll get married." Wangs: ''You surprise me. I didn't think you had a girl." ..Bangs: "I haven't, but a fellow gave me a wedding-^jng to-day in part payment of a debt, and I've got to get the worth of my money." ; Sir Hiram Maxim has invented a contrivance for rendering guns and rifles silent. What a ••forturik if he could adapt it for use on street singers, crying babies, . and club bores! It was a Scot, of course, whose minister reproached him as an habitual absentee from kirk, and who pleaded his dislike of long sermons. '"Deed, man," said the minister, "if ye dinna mend, ye may land yersell where ye '11 no be troubled wi' mony sermons either lang or short." "Weel," was the answer, "but it mayna be for want o' ministers." "No able-bodied men need be idle in New Zealand. The Government giyes every applicant work, and pays him at the rate of eight shillings1 a day."—Extract from Lloyd's Weekly showing how immigrants may be induced to come out here to meet with disappointment at their journey's end. ; "We have reversed the ordinary laws of Nature," said a witty United States Senator, speaking of .himself and an almost preternaturally dignified colleague. "Blank has risen by his gravity; I have sunk by my levity.'.' Mr Dolan: What did Oi do wid me hat, Bridget? Mrs Dolan v /Y.ezli£t it On yer head, Moike. Mr'Dolan: Begorra, the next thing Oi will.be leaving me head in me hat.