AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

Mataura Ensign, Volume 10, Issue 678, 17 June 1887, Page 6

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

By Cyclop. i . -r-•,-j ' ,■.-• r '■•■■•'.: \-^\ fey. „- ;;i :"i) ' T^e .thrilling excitement ; of > tj^e. annual , | licensing meetings. <, having jat, length i subsided, all concerned may, no,w. pause anoY' survey ,the: jesuljts. In jsome res* pecta these are anomalous^, and calculated to shake o!ur belief, , in the cjivine right of the people to rule themselvesTake the district of the Mktaura Bid* ing, for instance. ■.■Lzpt year,,a <?qm-* mittee elected; by the peopler— that, is, such potion; pf the; people who rote at such elections^-agreed that it ,woul(l not grant more ; than one, Jjce^Be for. Waikakai The rival, claimants, j not being able to agree, who should survive* the committee awarded the coveted license to Mrs Edge, Mr Whittipgham being left out in the cold. < Thereupon* Mrs Edge set about buijdjng a new house, thinking, no doubt, that she was secure of all the trade, and west to considerable expense which she would not otherwise have incurred. This year the district failed to elect a committee, and the Governor stepped in and nominated a,bench composed of men whose integrity and intelligence could not be questioned. The nomin lated committee granted the two licenses, declining to be r bound by the action of its predecessor. The question now. is which of , fehe, ncormmittees represents the wish of the -district, and will the next committee, if a blue ribbon one, play battledore and shuttlecock again, and perhaps refuse-all licenses? The publicans lot is not a happy one. •".,-' , :.,,]' ; ; ..::-m ' 'Tis not; in mortals to command sue* cesß, fT but the bridgekeeper evidently deserves it. "Wheriy ■a ) few ■ weeks ago, I referred to the condition -of the bridge, ■•■!•■ unwittingly did that gentleman, who, I have- no doubt is an extremely efficient official? an injustice, for he ' had already begun the much needed work of detersion. The very next time I went across and saw how clean the bridge was, I said to myself : —i* Cyclop? old boy, another public benefit you have conferred. Little know the multitude with • whom yon ] daily mingle what a mighty engine for the removal of wrongs is in their midst.' And so I continued in -a small fool's paradise. Fancy ■my feel *■ ings; when the first - crank that along goes and recommends that some loose soil or gravel should be laid on the bridge ! Loose soil and gravel diluted becomes mud, or glaur, or clabber, as an inebriated Irishman would insist the other night; and I rather imagine a bridge is about the last place to look for either; -None but a person who fancied himself webfooted cGuld make such a proposition in cold blood. If the unfortunate bridgekeeper takes all ■' the advice tendered him, he will not only fail ; to utilise it, but, like the old man in the fable; lose his ass into the bargain: '■'■'''• The young man on his wedding .trip who had the misfortune to be like John, Todd will have had an oppor* tunity of forming an opinion on the law regarding cases of mistaken identity. The change from the' nuptial couch to the cold cell must have convinced him that getting married was a rather more serious affair than -he imagined. If he hadn't 1 got married he might not have been in Maaterton, and he would not have been arrested. John Todd, meanwhile, was gyrating in space, and secured another 1 two days' law ; from the fact 'that the police thought they had caught their bird, A Caledonian once got tipsy and got slightly mixed as to his own identity. He said : flf I'm Jock Tamson, I'?e lost a cart, and if I'm no Jock Tamsoii, I've found a horse/ So the unknown Masterton bridegroom '■' mfghfc have said: « If I'm John Todd, . I've found a cheap bed, and if I'm no John Todd, I've lost a wife/ The proper ending to the story should have been like the Comedy of Errors. If the real John Todd had turned up while the other fellow was in the dell and had been recognised and welcomed by ■' the widowed bride, the situation would have been interesting — especially for the other fellow* It is a great' misfortune to be like anyone else, more particularly when anyone else is wanted by the police, n ■■■ ' EbiTOfts are; a predatory and cannibalistic'race,'' Nothing delights them more than to cut and ' thrust, kill and devour, a fellow scribe. A leading article in the Ensign the other day concluded thus :~ M Let tKe day perish in which it was botftf, and the night in which it was said—'The House has met.' Let darkness and. the shadow of death stain it. Let. lio joyful voice come therein. Let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months ; because it shut not up .the doors pf the House nor hid contempt from our eyes. For then should it have been where' the wicked- cease from troubling, and we where the weary are at rest. ; The Dunedin * Herald ' ' quotes this, and says the writer ' has it very bad,' and calls the style * sulphur .and brimstone.' This was the opportunity for another 'Herald,' that of Bruce, man, and he delivers this neat cut : — ; It so happens that the words are a very free quotation from a work written by a man called Job, who lived in the very earliest days of the world's history. The work has become immensely popular, and has been translated into almost every spoken language- and tongue. In does not appear however, as if the man who writes the • Herald's ' paragraphs ever came across if. Why are the gentlemen so fond of oypter suppera 1 was a queiy pat for solution the other evening at the Gore Literary and Debating Society. The question is one of that pertinently awkward nature that the ladies are frequently fond of propounding, and I was therefore not surprised to find that the question was not at all satisfac* | torily answered-. It is said that a i native, savage walking along the beach I one day sa? ; an oyster, asleep I suppose, with his shell gaping wide open. He put .hi i hand in to seize the molluscj 1 which resented the intrusion and closed

qn the savage's finger?; ,. tfe.gp^jt $$£ djJ^culty^apd ZBi^uwmfot discovered tin Ws^ii^d&itoit* and ;in .con^uence.. , jAg* j oy afcer*. ,&*# kind, ri ß^ill iretaifls, i .niany, r £theri; «»jfig» traity so one, .more or lesa, such, as fondneju for oysters, does not matter., w Hencjs ih* 1 f: irihe&nV fondneW^ffi? eattng^Wfrs^fey' 'y&u&ift ! '"'I I ' iStiTjfc once, and felt so guilty 1 $iatTl /s¥« l% up. The' oystete wefra firiisnedl how* eyetC ■' Thai 'the sappera should' be neld i&eii a' frfedd ia having & <bfelyi4 coitieidence. "About oric« motftfcJ i man feels 'inclined to nish bffahd rtP same his original ; savager l^ joal WV© read that 1 reclaimed r aborigines 1 (> :|s frantic when * they hea** the yeil«> s'sf5 '$f their former comrades. ' The of civilization' fcavfr so far f prevailed that a decent excuae is Bought ari^ fonnd in valedictory suppers/ J Itdi^if strike one a^j (beir/g relifai'kablejr aU thti same, that «o ihXnf felldwa Bhohld hit going away. When the number dwjiP dies down fa th« lant man, he %i)l probably l globtnilj treat 'liimseif to ( 4ii oyster snp|ter, and as he mburrifu'ny gazsa round 'oil' tfae e^pty eliair* #>tt sigh regretfulj^lir-the-dats,^ 1 ra)l# night«, of ; tk v horns and 1 dembni«c yells; ; •''»' :f/: .U) *-H gJ.] im.in-