BETWEEN KISSES.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2294, 12 January 1900, Page 6

BETWEEN KISSES.

A TfPE pF BEAUTY. By H. 0. Dodos. Here hang iky bangs o'er eyes tHftt dream. And nose an (Pros* bud 1 ips for cream. And here's my chin with dim* pies in, This is my neck without a speck which doth these snowy shoulders deck; and here is—see, oh, double T-O-N, whish girls all wear, like me ; and here's a heart, from Cupid's dart safeshieliedby this corset's art. This is my waist too tightly laced, on which a bustle big is placed. This is my dress. Its cost, I guess, did my poor papa much distress, because he sighed when tnamma tried it on, and scolded so I cried, but mamma said I soon would wed and buy pa's clothes for him instead. It's trimmed with lace just in this place, 'neath which two ankles show, with grace, in silken hoee to catch the beaux who think they're lovely I suppose, These are m y f e e t in slippers n oat, and now if we Bhould chance to meet we'll flirt a little on the street. How sweet. +* ESSAY BY A SPITEFUL BACHELOR. The more we study She the more we don't understand how it is that She is able to twißt us around her Kittle finger whenever She feels like it. But She ib.

For whom is u in chtldhuod's happy days we fight with t boy three sizeß larger than ourselves, aud gel bo severely punished that we can't Bit up for a peek ? Why, for She and She only laughs at us for our pains. Who is it that devours all our spars change in the shape of caramels, and calls for more—and gets then, too ? She. For whom do we linger at stage-doors with 10-dollar bocqaels, to pcrchdse which we hare to enaxre a fortnight's martyrdom at frets lunch counters J She. Who is it that at the railroad restaurant (teals out the sou>-destroying saadwioh and the death-dealing dough-nut ? 'Tis She every tim«. If it were He we would slay him on the spot, and glory in the dcec'. Who, we ask, is it that, whev we employ her as typewriter, spells summer with one m and February with only one r, and yet escapes without censure ? It is She. Ah, yes! It is She. Who is it th'»t accepts our theatre tickets, our eigh%-<vllar suppers, our bouquets, and our devotl'-n, avid then goes off and marries another fellow? She— and for this we ought to forgive her a good deal.

He: Her bead is as hard as glass. I can't make any impression on it. She: Hare you tried a diamond 1 +4.

I Dreadful Thought.—Clara: He has proposed three or four times and 1 don't know whether to accept him or not. | Maude: I would. Suppose he should stop. ♦ ♦ I " Why is the letter d like a ring?" said a young lady to her accepted, who, like tho generality of his sex in such a situation, was as dul) as a hammer. " Because 'we ' can't be * wed ' wiifccut it." '• So ywxk wouldn't take me to be twenty 1" sail a rich heiress U an. Irish gentleman, while dancing tho polka. •' Whai, would yt-u take me for, then ?" " For better >r w<rto," replied the son of the EowraM Isle A bachdor says that all he should ask for in a wife would be a g'*«i temper, health, and understanding, agreeable physiognomy, figujv, gt >d connection., domestv. habits, rcß'jur"X'S or amusement, good spirits, conversational talents, elegant manners—mojucrl ♦♦ The Benefit of a Doubt—He (eagerly) j Has the correspondence Editor of the " Lttlieft Home Bazaar " answered whether it was proper for you tc allow your fiance to b vlc you in his lap, yet, darling ? 3he (shyly). Why no, Charles;-but he iTvsn''* writte yet that it was improper. +♦ riala-Spoken.- Father •it - law: Well, Mr Heinrich, now tell me candidly, have yo®i reason tft be perfectly satisfied with my daughte.* f Son-in-law. My dear sir. the only complaint, I have to make is that you did not kick me out «f doors when I came to solicit her hand A woman caused the arrest of a young man on the serious charge of kissing her. •■Did he toss more than once r 1 " asked the magistrate it Yes, he kissed me about three months ago, and ajj>ur wwl' before last." "••".■in* ho hasn't attempted to kiss you since, * ' "No " sh» Bnappe i, " he haan t attempted it> kißc siffce 4 want him punished. ** r* ■ a .1o not lik* that young man, and wish w«'OJA keeji "»w«.y. liaoghtei . H« dues not come very often. '• Very often . He is here nearly every evening, an<H sometimes in the afternoon." • But, wver comes in the mom-

ia 8 " "No, I wlshn> would. - Yoo do r "Yes. If ho Juuld unce see you in the morning he would never cme again." She haa quarrelled with her old baldheaded lover, and, in dismissing him, said, •' What is delightful about you, my friend, is. that I have not the trouble of sending you back any locks of your hair." His reply was: " Had you given me a lock of your own, you would not have known whose hair you were sending." Anxious Daughter: Mother, did papa have his salary increased when y. u were married ? Mother: No, dear. Anxious Daughter: I don't suppose he had any money saved up, had he ? Mother: Not a penny: he spent all tie earned. Anxious Daughter. Did you get along comfortably ? Mother: We were very happy. Anxious Daughter: Well, you know, George hasn't been able to save a penny, but

Mother: Now understand me: if that poverty-stricken fellow dares to show hit face here again. I shall certainly get your father to turn hint bodily out.